Weathering Storms
by rohanyoshi
Summary: After five years, someone from the Avengers' past returns. The catch: she remembers nothing of her interactions with the team. Steve tries to make her remember, while his relationship with Natasha crumbles apart. An unexpected betrayal and an even more unexpected response to Steve's distress call adds more to the chaos. Sequel to "No More Memories."
1. Will We Ever Meet Again?

**This story could probably read on its own, but I suggest reading "No More Memories" if you want to understand references like 'evil purple minion', Marie-Grace, and the left-handed photographer. This time around, the story revolves around Maria, Steve, and Natasha, told from Maria's point of view. Resumes at the "No More Memories" epilogue.**

* * *

Maria didn't understand why these two people thought they knew her. She was certain she had never talked with the famous Tony Stark and his wife, and she had no idea why they thought she was the Maria Hill they were looking for.

 _"Maria Hill?"_ Stark said disbelievingly. "But you're dead."

"I assure you, Mr. Stark, I am not dead. In fact, I'm perfectly alive and I have no idea _why_ I would be dead in the first place." Maria said. "I have to get back to work. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Mrs. Stark. Mr. Stark." she nodded politely.

"It's not funny, Maria. We thought you were dead for five years, and now you're here. Did Fury send you?" Stark demanded. Maria turned, her brunette hair blowing across her face.

"I'm not joking, sir. Maria Hill is a common name. You must mistake me for someone else." she insisted. "Please, I need to get back to work. _Some_ people still need to make a living." She spun on her heel and walked away, clutching her camera in one hand.

"How do you explain the last twenty-five years, Maria?" Stark called after her. "What happened before you moved here?" Maria paused, and slowly she turned.

"The car accident wiped most of my memories, Mr. Stark. I have flashes of my friends, my life, but I never saw you." Maria replied coldly. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. It was a pleasure meeting Marie-Grace." Stark's eyebrows were lowered.

"We named her after you, Maria. We aren't mistaken. Come back to the Avengers Tower, and we'll try and help you get your memories back." he said. Maria knew the tone of voice. It was the one that her boss used when he wanted something and he wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.

"I don't need your help!" Maria spat. "I don't understand this, Mr. Stark, and with all due respect, I don't want to waste my life trying to be the Maria Hill that's dead!"

"SHE IS NOT DEAD!" Stark shouted. " _YOU_ ARE THE MARIA HILL." Maria started walking away. Stark whipped out a photograph. Maria kept walking, her eyes ahead, facing the other side of the bridge. Stark caught up to her quickly.

"Look at this." he snarled. "Tell me it's not you." Maria had to look. It was being shoved in her face.

There, in the picture, were all the Avengers. Natasha Romanoff. Steve Rogers. Clint Barton. Wanda Maximoff. Vision. Bruce Banner. Tony Stark. Thor. The Avenger's partners- Elizabeth Ross, Pepper Potts and Jane Foster. Finally, on the end, wearing a white cashmere turtleneck, was Maria Hill. By the way her arm was held, Maria knew that it was after her mysterious injury that had been hidden from the public. The body was hers, and the face was even hers. But Maria remembered nothing of the picture, nor the people in it.

"It's not me. I don't remember when that picture was taken." Maria said, but now she was doubtful. How many people looked like Maria Hill? Was it a coincidence that they both took left-handed pictures? That they dressed the same?

"Come back to the Avengers Tower and let me talk to you about the Maria Hill five years ago." Stark offered. Maria hesitated. "We're not going to kidnap you."

"I have a job." Maria hedged.

"It will be taken care of. From now on, you're the Stark Industries publicist and photographer. National Geographic won't be needing your services." Stark said immediately. "You'll have access to Maria's previous account and money will be wired into it."

"I can't take a stranger's money, Mr. Stark, just because I look like Maria Hill." Maria protested.

"You're not a stranger, Maria. Not to me."

* * *

"Steve, get your butt down here now. Bring Spidergirl with you." Tony said through JARVIS's speaker. Steve frowned and set his book down. Natasha looked up from where she was painting. Steve held his hand out to her.

"Okay, Spidergirl." Steve laughed. Natasha wiped her hands on her smock and untied it.

"Alright, let's see what Tony wants." she said, her eyes sparkling.

When they got downstairs, Steve almost had a heart attack. He doubled over and had to put his hands on his knees.

"Careful, Tony, you're going to give the old man a heart attack." Natasha said, leaning up casually against the counter. "What is this, some kind of joke? It's not even funny. I don't appreciate the past being brought back." Tony looked agitated.

"I found her on the bridge. Gracie scraped her knee-"

"I can talk for myself, thanks, Mr. Stark." the figure of Maria Hill said. Steve could hardly believe what he was looking at. It was like an exact replica of Maria Hill was standing in front of them, with the same Midwestern accent and the ocean-blue eyes. It was perfect down to the curl of her hair.

"I was taking pictures on the bridge-"

"Left-handed, might I add." Stark said. Maria shot him a withering glare.

"And a little girl tripped and fell. I showed her my pictures and took her back to Mr. and Mrs. Stark." she continued. Steve thought it was strange that Maria was calling Tony Mr. Stark... It was like she didn't like him anymore, or didn't tolerate him.

"I introduced myself to the Starks and they started freaking out." Maria finished. "They seem to think that I'm their long-lost friend. I'm sorry, but I think you're wrong." Natasha's eyebrows had contracted so much that she looked almost sinister.

"Your arm is injured, correct?" Natasha asked. Maria hesitated and nodded.

"It was injured in a car crash about five years ago." she said.

"I did it. Steve, Coulson, Fury and I were in a meeting. You were there too. I was angry at Fury, so I threw a knife at him. You intercepted it and as a result, your artery was severed and the doctors sealed it shut. A while later, you opened it again carrying Pepper Potts back to a safehouse. Clint Barton was forced to open the wound a second time to burn the edges of the artery shut." Natasha said crisply. Maria sat down.

"You're saying that I'm not a normal person." she said, her voice shaking a little bit.

"You've never been a normal person." Steve replied, finally recovered from the shock of seeing Maria Hill again.

"I can't be her, because you buried her body somewhere." Maria said triumphantly. "There's no way that I can be her."

"Actually, no body was ever found."

* * *

Natasha wasn't sure what to make of Maria, who seemed alive and healthy. She was oddly... happy... and surprisingly open to the Avengers. The Maria Hill of five years ago would never have trusted the group so fully if they had claimed to know her. Maria's eyes were a duller shade of blue, as if there was a film over them, hiding the real color of her eyes. But the eyes were still the same blue, just faded, like they had been in the sun too long.

None of the other Avengers regarded Maria with suspicion. Tony and Pepper were thrilled to have Maria back, and Steve had immediately extended an invitation to dinner. Natasha hated this. Steve, her boyfriend for five years, should not be going out with other girls, even if they came back from the dead. Natasha thought Steve seemed a little too thrilled at Maria's return, and very enthusiastic about their dinner date.

Wanda was on a mission, so Natasha volunteered to be the one to pick her up from the airport. The Sokovian had been undercover as a journalist to track down two SHIELD agents that had joined HYDRA.

"Wanda, we need to talk." Natasha said. Wanda cocked her head at the assassin. Natasha had taken on an uncharacteristic tone of voice, and Wanda immediately read the suspicion in the Russian's mind.

"Maria Hill has returned from the dead. She's at the Avengers Tower now, and I want you to be prepared. I saw her and she is almost nothing like the Maria Hill we knew five years ago. I think there's something wrong with her. It's like she's sick or something. She also claims to have forgotten who we are, but something makes me think otherwise."

"Maria's _alive?"_ Wanda repeated incredulously. "That's impossible. She fell a hundred feet into the gorge! She'd have been pulled under by the current. There's no way that someone could have survived that."

"I know. Keep track of her, and I will, too. I don't trust someone who comes back from the dead." Natasha said darkly. "And why, after all these years, have we only just seen her in New York City? She claims to have been around for five years."

"People see only what they expect to see. None of you expected to see Maria- so you didn't." Wanda said. "I think that Maria really does have amnesia. I really do think she's the Maria that we lost, just hidden under all that confusion. She's a fighter. She could have survived that fall, and if she's truly at the Tower, then I'll believe whatever I like. Thanks for sharing your doubts, though, Natasha. I'll look for what you've seen.

* * *

Maria was alive. Steve could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the brunette standing in the common room of the Avengers Tower, looking just like his long-dead friend. He hated that she had no idea of who he was, but he was determined to get to the bottom of her amnesia.

"We could go see _Phantom of the Opera!"_ he told her as he walked her to a guest room. "We saw that five years ago, with all the Avengers. It might help you remember." Maria only nodded, oddly quiet.

"I just don't understand how I could know you all." she said wonderingly. "You're all so famous, and I'm just a photographer from _National Geographic._ I don't know how we would have known each other."

"All that matters is that you're here now, and you're safe. I've missed you a long time, Maria. I'm not letting you go again." Steve said forcefully. Maria blinked.

"The sentiment is appreciated, Mr. Rogers." she said politely. "I can't accept that, though, until I figure out who you actually were in my formal life."

* * *

 **Maria's back! WOO HOO. I have another grand scheme on the way, and I don't think you guys will like it! XD Or maybe you'll enjoy a plot twist to shake it up.**

 **It takes place five years after the mission in Russia, and for the people who just are reading this without first looking at No More Memories, Maria was presumed dead after falling into a gorge in Russia. Her arm, three months prior to that, had been accidentally injured by Natasha Romanoff, who had flashbacks following intense torture sessions. Steve and Natasha are in a relationship.**

 **Someone asked me where War Machine and Falcon were in this story. Let's just pretend they never existed, because I _really_ don't feel like adding them into 23 already published chapters.**


	2. Born to be With You

**Here's the next chapter.**

 **Similar to No More Memories, the chapter titles have lyrics from a Broadway show occasionally. With No More Memories, the titles I think were all from** ** _Phantom of the Opera._** **This story's chapters contain lyrics from** ** _Les Miserables._** **Credit goes to those respective lyricists.**

* * *

 _"Our plan is going perfectly. The Avengers have no idea who she really is."_

 _"She'll tear them apart from the inside. She has her orders- in three weeks time, she'll lead each of the Avengers into a trap. Our strike teams will pick them off. SHIELD was drawn away from New York City by one of our diversion teams. We'll leave the Stark girl alive- Marie-Grace, the child. And the Maximoff girl. People will place their blame on the foreign Avenger. The Black Widow will live without the Captain for the rest of her days, and she will turn back to her old masters."_

 _"SHIELD is not the only one with technology."_

* * *

Natasha's anger had continued to build over the next week. Maria's presence was infuriating, and Steve didn't help the matter. They had been dating for almost five years now, and as soon as Maria showed up, he abandoned Natasha to go on numerous dinner dates with the former Agent of SHIELD. It was irritating, Natasha thought angrily. She no longer knew who had the higher place in Steve's heart. For once her life, Natasha had felt like she had gotten the man that she had been waiting for. But now it was ruined by the appearance of someone the Avengers had thought long gone.

Despite her anger at Maria, she was still pleased that her friend really wasn't dead. It had been one of the hardest days of Natasha's life when the Avengers buried Maria's coffin. Now the brunette was back, and the world felt almost right.

Steve had invited Natasha out to see _Phantom of the Opera_ again. Natasha was getting ready. She wore a black dress with glittery thread, so that it shimmered when she moved. The dress complimented her hair well. She was slightly nervous today, because it was their five-year anniversary the next day. Steve had done something special every year prior to today, and she expected something equally special this year.

* * *

Steve's knee bounced through the entire show. He couldn't take his eyes off Natasha, sitting next to him, who was striking in her black dress. Steve wasn't sure how girls made dresses sparkle, but h was glad that Natasha was wearing the dress tonight. She looked stunning, as she had for the past five years. Steve couldn't relax during intermission, either, and flipped through the program without really seeing the words on the page.

"What's wrong, Steve?" Natasha asked him once as he almost tore his Playbill in half because he was flipping through it so quickly. "You're really on edge tonight." Steve shrugged and gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Excited for the second act. I like the second better than the first." he lied. Natasha frowned at him but turned back to the stage as the lights dimmed.

The show was amazing, as always. They walked out of the theater, chatting about what they had just seen. It was so similar to the time five years ago that the whole team had went. Steve half-expected Wanda, Clint, and Tony to spring out from the pavement and start making fun of them.

"Want to talk a walk in Central Park?" Steve asked, his heart racing. Natasha smiled at him, her face illuminated by the lights of the city.

"Sure."

* * *

Steve reached the spot he had scoped out before, his heart pounding so loudly that he thought that Natasha would hear it. He stopped and turned to face his girlfriend. He pulled something square out of his pocket and held it behind his back.

"Natasha Romanoff." he began. Natasha blinked, and he saw something shift behind her eyes. "Five years ago, we promised to love each other faithfully as boyfriend and girlfriend. You've stuck with me through some rough times and you've helped me adjust to the fast pace of New York City. You've fought beside me on missions. You've protected me when I've needed it. You've been there for me when I was too scared to admit it. You're faithful, brave, and intelligent. And I love you for who you are. So today, I want to ask you a question. I want your honest answer, and I want you to mean what you say. So if you're not ready to answer the question, then I'll wait. And I'll ask you again.

"Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?"

* * *

 **Probably one of the shortest chapters of my writing career, but maybe one of my favorites! I hope you like it!**


	3. Lighting the Flame

**I wrote this chapter right after 'Born to be With You', but I decided I'd leave you hanging :) Who's excited to hear Natasha's answer?**

* * *

 _"Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?"_

Natasha's mind was spinning. Never in a million years had she expected for Steve to ask her hand in marriage. It was not professional. It was not Nick Fury-approved. It would cause too much pain if one of them died in combat. It was dangerous. It created a target. It wasn't safe. A thousand reasons why it shouldn't happen, and maybe more. And she wasn't ready for the commitment that marriage would take. Who was she, to accept the proposal? She was a Russian spy. A liar, an assassin. Natasha did not want to put that kind of reputation onto Steve's shoulders. There would be gossip. People would believe her motives insincere.

"I'm sorry, but I can't marry you right now." Natasha said finally. Her words weighed heavily on her heart. She hated what was coming out of her mouth. "I can't marry you until I know where you stand in your relationship with Maria. I can't marry you until I know that I'm the only one that you love." Steve looked like a sad, lost puppy now. Natasha felt a shock of cold run through her. _I never really changed. I've always been the ruthless assassin that the press says I am._ She thought wildly.

"Why didn't you just ask, Nat?" he asked softly. "I would have told you in an instant. I'll tell you now how I feel about Maria." Natasha's resolve wavered a little, but she steeled herself.

"Words don't always make up for actions. You tossed me away as soon as she returned. You've taken her places that you've never gone with me. You've spent more time trying to get her memory back than you ever spent with me. You sit next to her whenever you can. You talk with her, and when you do, you look like a man who's died and gone to heaven. You've never looked like that when you talk to me." Natasha replied, the words spilling out of her mouth. Steve's gaze was filled with hurt and anger.

"If I loved her, I would never have asked you to marry me!" Steve said forcefully. "Doesn't that action make up for all of that?"

"Maybe it does to you, but it doesn't change what I think! I can't marry someone who follows another woman around like a poor, lost dog."

"Maria was my best friend, and I want her to remember what we shared together. Is that so much to ask? Is it a problem if I want to speak to a girl that I thought was dead? Who I thought about almost every day for five years?" Steve demanded. Their voices were getting louder.

"Have you thought about _me_ every day for five years? No, I don't think so."

"That's because you were always there! When I wanted to ask you a question, you'd be there to answer it! Maria was dead, and there were so many things I wish I said to her."

"I'm sorry, but no is my answer. Not today. Maybe when you can prove to me that I'm more important, then I'll say yes. But when you cling to Maria like that, it makes me wonder who you love more. Once that that doubt is gone, then my answer will be yes." Natasha said coldly. She turned on her heel and stalked out of Central Park, leaving Steve standing under the shelter of the trees, the engagement ring's box still in his hand.

* * *

Wanda spun around the common room, her hands clasping Marie-Grace Stark's. They were both laughing and Wanda felt happier than she'd felt since Pietro's death. The tower was empty- Steve and Natasha had gone to see a Broadway show. Pepper and Tony had put Wanda in charge of Marie-Grace, and then they had gone to the Stark Industries exposition. Bruce and Betty were at some sort of science conference. Thor and Jane went out for dinner together. Vision was at the SHIELD base, fixing the Helicarriers. Clint was visiting Laura and the kids back at the farm. Maria had gone home to collect some of her personal belongings.

"Miss Maximoff, someone is at the front door. He wishes to speak to you." JARVIS said. Wanda let go of Marie-Grace's hands. She directed her powers downstairs and found contact with the man's mind. Her eyes grew big as she took in the information.

"Gracie, do you remember what you're supposed to go in case of an emergency?" Wanda asked the little girl, her voice fighting to keep calm. Marie-Grace nodded. "I need you to do it, now." The girl dashed to the hidden staircase in the wall and bolted up it.

"JARVIS, the cell phones are bugged, aren't they?" Wanda asked the A.I.

"I'll run a scan, Miss Maximoff." JARVIS replied. A minute later he was done. "It appears that they were placed there a little over four days ago. Around the time that the lawyer woman visited the tower. Would you like me to contact the other Avengers?"

"Call Elizabeth Ross's cell phone. Hers wasn't bugged- she was in France four days ago. Tell her to deliver a coded message to the others. There's a mythical beast standing at the bottom of the Avengers Tower." Wanda said urgently.

* * *

Betty's cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She apologized swiftly to the people sitting around her and answered it.

"Miss Ross." Wanda's voice was low and swift. "Find Bruce and tell him that we have a mythical beast on the doorstep of the Chrysler building. Tell him it's urgent and he needs to get the rest of the club to come and check it out." Betty frowned. She turned to Bruce and repeated Wanda's words, whispered in his ear.

"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Elizabeth just found out that her father is in the hospital." Bruce said immediately. The professors gave murmured sympathies. Bruce dragged Betty out of the building.

"Listen, Betty. HYDRA's showed up at the Avengers Tower. I need you to walk calmly to the pub on 65th street. When barman asks you what drink you want, then say that you'd like the Aviator cocktail. The barman will call the Avengers in the form of a salesperson selling drinks. The Avengers will arrive shortly at the tower."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell Nick Fury that HYDRA is on our doorstep."

* * *

One by one, the Avengers got the barman selling drinks on their cell phone. Each immediately excused themselves from a public setting and set off toward the Avengers tower. Wanda had lit the floors in a specific order and the Avengers prepared their weapons.

When they got there, the doorstep was empty. The only thing left was a piece of paper.

 _We are coming._

* * *

 **Hmmm... suspicious, isn't it? I liked coming up with their way of communicating.**


	4. Talk of Revolution

**Here's the next chapter. Please review- I didn't get any for chapter 3.**

 **I'll be at music camp until Saturday. (7/18/15) No updates until then.**

* * *

Natasha was reeling from Steve's proposal, but she knew that she couldn't marry him until she was sure of his feelings for Maria. Something in her mind secretly protested what she had said to Steve. If he proposed, didn't that mean he was serious about their relationship? He wouldn't have asked her to marry him if he was in love with Maria. But maybe he didn't know it- he had been just as ignorant of his feelings for Natasha until Russia.

Natasha had gotten an idea to see if Maria was truly faking her amnesia. She logged onto the SHIELD database and went to the archives, where all information concerning agents was stored. Some files had higher security clearances- Maria's was one of the ones that required a very high security level, but Natasha had reached it.

She typed 'Agent Maria Hill' into the search engine. There was only one file there. Maria was the only Agent Hill that was in SHIELD's service. Natasha double-clicked on it and began to read.

* * *

 _Agent Maria Christina Hill_

 _Agent Hill has been associated with many high-profile jobs since her induction into SHIELD's ranks. Her jobs include the Battle of New York City, the battle against Ultron, the Winter Soldier operation, and other partner missions with agents such as Phillip Coulson, Melinda May, Steven Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, and Director Fury._

 _Hill's past is one of the most classified backgrounds of SHIELD's database._

 _Maria Christina Hill was born April 4, 1982. Her mother died shortly after Hill's birth due to complications in labor. Garrett Hill constantly reminded his young daughter of her role in her mother's death, and never let her forget that her life had resulted in his wife's death._

 _Constantly drunk, Garrett Hill would abuse Hill when she got home from school. The authorities were never notified and SHIELD is the only agency with this background on Agent Hill. Despite the beatings, Hill graduated valedictorian of her high school class, with no grade lower than a 98%._

 _To escape her father's constant shadow, Hill enrolled in the Marine Corps a year after her graduation. She quickly rose in the ranks to become 'Commander Hill'. Her rise was so quick that she remains the only soldier in the history of the entire United States Forces to rise to Commander in two years. SHIELD was notified of this phenomenon and Agent Phillip Coulson was sent to recruit Hill to SHIELD's ranks._

 _Hill graduated top of her class in SHIELD, too. She began as a junior to Agent Melinda May, but she quickly outgrew the older agent's tutelage and set off on her own career within SHIELD. In no less than four years, Hill reached Clearance Level 9, the highest rank a woman has ever reached in SHIELD. She outstripped Phillip Coulson, Natasha Romanoff, and Clint Barton in clearance, honors, and grew to become one of the most powerful females in the undercover world._

 _In 2022, Agent Hill's arm was damaged by Agent Natasha Romanoff during a conference with Phillip Coulson, Director Nick Fury, and Captain Steven Rogers. Her arm remains traumatized and the artery that was severed is now burned shut. The muscles remain inconsistent. (see medical report)._

 _In 2022, Agent Hill was declared MIA during a mission in Russia. Funeral services were held and the coffin was buried with no body._

 _Agent Maria Christina Hill has been declared dead by Director Fury as of May 2022._

* * *

Natasha had found what she was looking for. The memory that she wanted to check was the one of Maria's father, Garrett Hill. Before Maria's death, Natasha had noticed something when a junior agent had approached Maria too quickly.

A fly had been buzzing around Maria's ears while she was talking to the agent. The agent snatched it out of the air, and Natasha had seen Maria flinch away from the agent, but she had quickly covered her actions.

Natasha was familiar with trauma, having experienced it herself. She guessed that Maria's brain had connected the quick movement with a beating. Garrett Hill had constantly abused his daughter, and Natasha knew that Maria never forgot her violent childhood.

Natasha knew how to test her theory. The only question was when she should do it.

* * *

 _"The Avengers know we're in New York City. We did not plan for the Maximoff girl to read our agent's mind. The Stark child should have died last night, but somehow the Avengers were alerted and we didn't hear it."_

 _"There's a device that hasn't been bugged. Elizabeth Ross's phone- Banner's girlfriend."_

 _"How do we proceed from here?"_

 _"We eliminate the Captain first. Romanoff's rejection has made him susceptible toward female charms. Our inside man will draw him into the open. Then, we'll pick him off."_

 _"I'll inform the others of the plan."_

 _"Excellent."_

* * *

 **I made up the name Garrett Hill.**

 **I also looked up when Avengers: Age of Ultron takes place. It's in 2020 (the year I graduate from high school). "No More Memories" takes place two years after that, and "Weathering Storms" is five years after that. So this story is in 2027, and Maria died in 2022.**

 **I also had to look up the security clearances to write the biography. I did make up a lot of that file.**

 **REVIEW!**


	5. Who am I?

**I'm back from music camp! It was great, and now I'm sure you're excited for the next chapter.**

* * *

It was week days after Natasha's rejection, and Steve was devastated by what she had said. Yes, he did love Maria as a friend. Yes, he was excited that she was alive. Didn't that justify his actions? But apparently it didn't, and now Steve was alone once more in the world. Natasha refused to do things with him now- she ignored him whenever he tried to have a conversation with her. He had hoped that they would continue dating, but she continued to push him away. The change was so sudden that Steve wasn't prepared for what happened next.

"Steve, do you want to take a walk?" Natasha asked suddenly. Steve looked up from his book, startled. He hadn't expected her to talk to him at all, and yet here she was, speaking as if they had never stopped.

"I guess." Steve said wearily.

"I want to talk to you, and I want to do it alone." Natasha explained. Steve put a bookmark in his book and stood up. He slid his shoes on and followed Natasha out of the Avengers Tower. The rest of the team was missing. Bruce and Betty were on a date together. Wanda was visiting Sokovia for a mission. Thor was in Asgard with Jane, introducing her to some of the royal court. Tony, Pepper, and Marie-Grace were away in Florida with Pepper's parents. Vision was at some kind of convention for robotics, disguised as a normal human being. Clint was with his family at the farm.

The moon was coming out, and crickets chirped merrily from Central Park. Natasha and Steve started walking down the street, not seeing the shadows that flitted between the alleyways as they passed by.

* * *

"There's a really great coffee shop down this street." Natasha said, motioning toward a semi-hidden street. "I've been there with some other SHIELD agents, and it's really private. Do you want to go there?" Steve shrugged and nodded.

They turned into the alley and were plunged into darkness. There were no streetlights, and the moon was veiled now, hidden between two clouds. Steve shivered a little and moved closer to Natasha, who stepped pointedly away from him. They passed an intersection.

And suddenly, Steve was walking alone. He whipped out a gun that he had hidden inside his jacket and raised it.

"Stop or the girl dies, Captain Rogers."

The voice was oddly familiar, and completely unexpected. Maria Hill stepped out from the shadows, with Natasha clenched in front of her. A knife was held to the Avengers' throat.

"Maria?" Steve asked, disbelief lacing his voice. "What are you doing? We're your friends."

"SHIELD isn't the only agency with technology, Captain Rogers." Maria said, her falsely polite tone grating on Steve's nerves. Natasha's eyes were darting around now.

"You can't stop me from killing you. It's only the three of us here. Release Natasha and we'll leave." Steve said calmly. "No one needs to get hurt now. I don't understand why you're doing this, Maria."

"Oh, you must have mistaken me for someone else." Maria said icily. She put her left forearm around Natasha's neck and reached up with the other to peel off a layer of technology. Maria's familiar, friendly face disappeared. She swept the brunette wig off and revealed shockingly blond hair.

"You're not Maria."

"I am not. I work for HYDRA. And you are about to witness the first death of an Avenger. One by one, they will all be killed off, starting with her." the woman said. She tightened her hold on Natasha's neck.

Steve's hand slipped inside his pocket and found the familiar rectangle that was his iPhone. He turned it on behind his back and swiped the screen in a specific pattern that Tony had showed him. The phone went to the speed dial screen. Steve pressed all of them. The call went straight to Tony, Bruce, Fury, Natasha, Vision, Wanda, Coulson, Bucky and Clint. The last number- zero- went to a dead line. That was the line that used to belong to Maria Hill. Steve had never gotten up the courage to take her speed dial off his phone. The phone broadcasted his location to all of them.

* * *

Maria Hill was the only SHIELD agent on duty the night that Natasha and Steve went for a walk. All the other agents had been called away for a mass mission over in Egypt. Fury wanted her to stay behind in case any agents had to return early, and Coulson's group was solving a case in New Hampshire.

Maria's cell phone buzzed as she was walking toward the elevator closest to her office. She swiped it open and read the text that had popped up. Her stance was suddenly alert. She tossed her back to the wall and stepped swiftly into a storage room. She snagged a gun off the wall, cocked it, and wrenched the door open again. She raced over toward the Avengers locker rooms and grabbed a spare shield out of Steve's locker. Maria dashed down the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator.

* * *

The woman wearing Maria's clothes had become more alert now. Natasha's throat was beginning to hurt from the pressure. She could see Steve frantically looking around, and she also saw his hand go silently into his pocket. She was aware that Tony had issued a phone with a built-in distress call feature, and she knew that Steve was probably now putting the call out to the other Avengers.

"I've changed my mind." the woman said to her henchmen, out of earshot of the Captain. Natasha's ears perked up. "We'll take her back to base. Captain over here will lead the others into a trap to try and save her. We'll do no harm to her until the others come to see her die."

Natasha's heart jolted. Steve would lead the others into a trap. There was no way to notify him of the woman's plans. She saw him looking around for an escape route, but the snipers on the roofs were too alert for him to escape.

The woman pulled the Maria mask and the brunette wig back on and prepared to drag Natasha away.

* * *

Maria's previous mile record was five minutes, fifteen seconds in the academy. Her two miles running to New York City with Steve's shield and her gun took her nine minutes, thirty-eight seconds. She quickly located the alleyway and spotted the snipers on the roof.

Maria set Steve's shield on the ground and put a silencer on the barrel of the gun. She was three blocks away from the rooftops of the alleyway, and the figures were little blobs in the poorly lit evening night. She stood on a wall and took aim at the first sniper.

* * *

Natasha wasn't prepared for a body to fall on top of her, and clearly her captor wasn't, either. Hot red blood sprayed over both of them. Natasha had barely recovered from that shock when two more snipers fell over their own rooftops. Steve was spinning around on the spot, scanning methodically for the shooter. He saw none, but now the HYDRA agents were in a flurry of activity.

* * *

Bucky Barnes was running as hard as he could toward the location that Steve had broadcasted to his phone. He was close. One block away. There was the sound of falling bodies, and exclamations of surprise.

He burst into the alley with his gun out. Maria Hill was holding Natasha Romanoff in a headlock, and there were bodies all around them. Maria took one look at Bucky and silently slipped into a side alley, dragging Natalia with her. Bucky couldn't think of the Russian assassin as Natasha. It didn't fit with what he knew of her before. More agents filled the alley. Bucky caught sight of Steve's blonde hair and tossed him a gun when their eyes met.

Bucky couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that accompanied the sight of Maria Hill. She had been nice to him, and she was beautiful. Her eyes were that shade of silver-blue that made him think of the world after it snowed. Bucky loved the snow. And he had thought that she wouldn't lie to him. He thought he had imagined her, but he couldn't mistake those eyes. She was supposed to be dead. Why wasn't she dead?

He focused on shooting down the agents, but they just kept coming.

And suddenly, Maria Hill was back. This time without Natasha. She must have knocked the assassin out and had returned to finish the fight. Bucky made sure that Steve would be alright. Then he caught Maria by the throat and pinned her to the wall of the building with his metal arm.

"Bucky." she choked out. "Bucky, it's Maria." Bucky tightened his hold on her. His eyes were cold.

"I thought you were my friend." he said pitifully. "Maria's dead. You're not her."

"Barnes, people need to believe in themselves before they can believe in others." Maria gasped, her blue eyes piercing Bucky's heart. The words struck home to Bucky.

It had been after SHIELD's downfall, and Bucky had returned to New York City to try and adjust to the modern world. He had been invited to Cooper Barton's birthday party and he had had a conversation with Maria Hill in the guest bedroom, where they had been sharing a bedroom, since there hadn't been a lot of space in the farmhouse. He had eventually opened up to the seemingly heartless agent and she had told him to believe in himself before believing in others. The words had stuck with him for seven years, and even after Maria's 'death', Bucky still remembered the agent's words to him.

Bucky dropped her and she slid to the ground. Steve was still fighting.

"Get up, Commander Hill." Bucky said mercilessly. "It's not over yet."

* * *

The flow of HYDRA agents abated and Steve stood there with a shield that had somehow found his hand. He didn't remember ever bringing it on the walk with Natasha, but here it was in his hand, faithful as ever. He looked down the alley, where piles of bodies lay oozing blood. He heard someone cough and turned quickly around.

There was Bucky, standing next to Maria Hill.

Steve's hand flicked out almost involuntarily and the shield launched its way to Maria's chest. Bucky reached out with his metal arm and caught it. Steve glared at the soldier, sprinted down the alley, and reached out a hand to slap Maria's face.

The flicker of fear in the agent's eyes stopped Steve from doing it. Natasha had told him what was in Maria's file. Garrett Hill's abusive nature was a constant shadow in her biography, and Natasha had said that she had tried pretending to catch a fly during Maria's head. The Maria that the Avengers had been speaking to for the past couple weeks hadn't betrayed any sign of fear, but the old Maria's reaction was a twitch that was almost imperceptible. Natasha had said that the real Maria didn't like sudden movements. The fake Maria had showed no sign of that fear.

"You're alive." Steve said tonelessly.

"I know." Maria replied.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"HYDRA threatened to kill you if I did. I had to go back to SHIELD and act like nothing had changed. Fury guessed it as soon as I walked through the door. I was supposed to return to SHIELD so that their fake Maria's presence wasn't questioned if any agents saw her. They would think it was me. I had no choice." Maria replied. Steve noticed the black-and-blue mark that was around her neck, and the faint scratch marks that lingered, there, too. Judging by Bucky's guilty look, the former Howling Commando had tried to kill her. Something had stopped him.

"Those facial masks need an imprint. The story doesn't match up." Steve said wearily. "Even if you're the real Maria, you could still be working for HYDRA. It could be another ruse."

"I fought for a month before they injured me so badly I lost consciousness and they took it then. I stayed awake every day so they couldn't do the mask. I was so tired that I couldn't stand still for more than a minute. I had to constantly be moving inside my cell. There's a track wore into the floor in their base in Russia in the cell I was in. I walked to stay awake. I did it for you." Maria told him, her voice almost as expressionless as Steve's.

"They took Natalia." Bucky said. Steve was instantly alert.

"We're going after her."

* * *

 **Camp was great. There was a lot of playing involved.**

 **Sorry it took so long- I started this as soon as I got back from camp. I hope you liked it, and hopefully Maria's explanation makes sense.**

 **I added Bucky into this because he's a great character, and I think someone requested it, too.**


	6. Once Spoken Truth

**Here's the next chapter!**

 **I am planning to get Agents of Shield Season 1 from the library today :) I'm so excited!**

* * *

Steve couldn't think of anything but Natasha. Were they hurting her? What was happening? Where were they taking her? Even the presence of the two people he least expected wasn't enough to distract him from his rescue mission.

"We can't just take off without waiting for the other Avengers!" Maria said forcefully. "You need to tell them, and some of them could help us!" Bucky nodded in agreement, and Steve nearly growled with frustration.

"The Starks are on vacation for another two weeks, and Pepper's not going to let Tony go. Coulson's team is busy, the other agents in SHIELD are busy, Wanda's in Sokovia, Vision is at some sort of month-long robotics conference, Clint's with his family, and Bruce and Betty are together!"

"They would all drop everything in an instant to save Natalia." Bucky tried to say.

"I don't want the whole team with me. This is my mission- it's my fault she's gone. They'd all be on the grid, and there's no way we could all work together without getting caught. Besides, they all have important things to do right now."

"I wouldn't say that Bruce is doing that much at the moment." Maria insisted. "Call him and he'll be here in five minutes. We can't do this alone, Steve. You're Captain America. He's the Winter Soldier, and I'm just a Commander."

"There's no one else that I need or want. The exception being Coulson's team."

"They're the only group that can't drop what they're doing right now." Maria countered. "Any of them would do it. It's not safe to go into a rescue mission with three people who have similar skill sets. We need them, Steve."

"We got on just fine when you died, Maria." Steve shouted at her. Instantly he knew it was the wrong thing to say. The facade that Steve was too familiar with crashed down on Maria's face, wiping her face clean of all emotion.

"Fine, let's just all walk into a suicide mission and fail at saving Natasha. What a great plan." she snarled.

* * *

Driving down the highway in a stolen car was one of the most awkward experiences that Bucky had ever felt. Maria had refused to sit in the front seat, and Bucky didn't like the headlights when he was sitting in front. So Steve was alone, and Bucky and Maria were sitting in the back, a mere three feet away from each other. By the agent's stiff posture Bucky could tell that she was angry.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Maria." Steve said finally into the silence of the car. It was now one o'clock in the morning. Bucky glanced over at the SHIELD agent. She was motionless. Her chest rose and fell with even breaths.

"She's sleeping." Bucky said, his voice clipped. "I suggest you tell her that again when she actually hears you."

"Do you agree with her? That we should have called Bruce?"

"More assets would have been beneficial, but a large rescue team defeats the purpose of stealth." Bucky said, trying to keep his voice neutral. Secretly, he agreed with the brunette SHIELD agent, but he didn't want to create more tension within the group that they did have.

"Thanks, Bucky."

"I do not understand her." Bucky admitted after twenty minutes of silence. "Is she bad?" Steve looked back at Bucky, who was staring out the window.

"I don't know. I thought she was back a month or two ago, but then she suddenly reveled herself as a HYDRA agent. I think the amnesia was a cover for not knowing anything about what she's done with the team. Now she seems like she knows us, but I don't believe her that she couldn't have told us. She should have tried to find a way." Steve said cautiously. "I don't want to start trusting her again and then have her turn out to be someone else."

"She looks very tired." Bucky commented.

"I suppose. Even though five years of good sleep should have made up for the month that she lost."

"Perhaps she has nightmares, like most of us. Maybe that is why she cannot sleep." Bucky reasoned. He looked over at the SHIELD agent again. She looked vulnerable, almost childlike, with her head propped up on her arm and her brunette hair shielding her face. It was one of the first times that Bucky had seen the Commander let her guard down. It was a soothing sight, he decided.

* * *

"We need to set up a base." Steve said in the morning. Maria was awake now. Bucky watched her carefully for signs of aggression. "I need to track Nat's location so we can find her."

"Which state are we in?" Maria asked. Bucky glanced at one of the signs along the highway and checked the map until he found the city that was listed there.

"Pennsylvania." he replied. "Near Philadelphia." Maria nodded and stared back out the window. Five minutes later, she spoke again.

"There's an abandoned house in the southern outskirts of Philadelphia. We'll set up base there and you can track Nat. Bucky and I will sweep it to make sure there's no homeless people living inside."

When they got out of the car, it was pouring. They parked the car and took out a license plate that was registered under a government official that Tony had made up. They swapped it out for the stolen plate number. They were four blocks away from the house.

All three of them were drenched by the time that they reached the safe house, and Bucky couldn't help but notice how their shirts were sticking to them. He pulled at his self-conciously.

"We'll sweep it." he said and nodded to Maria. She pulled out a gun and they methodically scanned for intruders. They found none. Steve was in the main room with their suitcases, which they had frantically packed shortly before leaving New York City. He tossed shirts and pants at both of them.

"Get changed." he said without looking. Bucky caught his. Maria had already left.

Bucky went to the first door he saw and almost immediately backed out of the room. Maria's shirt was off and her bare back was facing him. Bucky caught sight of harsh, angry red lines marring her cream skin before her shirt was pulled over them.

"I'm sorry, Miss Hill." Bucky apologized when she turned around and saw him standing there. "I was not aware that this room was occupied."

"How much did you see?" Maria demanded, a hint of fear in her voice.

"I saw your back." Bucky said, and hung his head. "I wish that that had not happened to such a dedicated woman such as you."

"You can't tell Steve." Maria said hurriedly.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"He doesn't need to know that they whipped me to get the face imprint. It's not something that he should worry about."

"Miss Hill-"

"Maria."

Bucky had been thinking of her as Maria for a long time. He had always wanted permission to call her by her given name, instead of by her married status.

"Maria. He deserves to know your sacrifice. He does not trust you. Perhaps those would make him believe in your words once more." Bucky said. "We need to trust each other. If you injure them further he would not be able to help you."

"But you would know. That is what matters. One of you knows."

"What if I die? Then will you tell him? If you are bleeding and he knows not where it comes from, you will promise to tell him?"

"You're not going to die, Bucky. If any one is going to die, it's going to be me." Maria said calmly.

* * *

 **I figured that Philadelphia is about five hours away from New York City... besides, who doesn't like Pennsylvania?**

 **Like it so far? Even though Bucky has already seen Maria shirtless? (in announcer voice) And that, everybody, is why this is rated 'T'. :)**


	7. Darkest Night

**I watched the first four episodes of Agents of Shield. My brother likes Fitz, I like Simmons :) Am I the only one who thinks Elizabeth Henstridge looks like Emma Watson?**

* * *

They began to track Natasha's location, but found no luck. With no leads, it was difficult to scan the databases. Bucky was getting impatient, and Steve was getting frustrated. Maria was just tired. Bucky could see it in her eyes. Steve sighed and pulled out his phone.

He dialed a number and began to speak.

"Hello. This is Steve Rogers. May I speak to Natasha Romanoff, please?" he asked. He put the phone down after a few seconds and hung up. "Nothing. They hung up after I asked for Natasha." Maria sprang up and slapped the phone out of his hand.

"You idiot, Steve! They'll track the call and it'll lead them straight here! Are you out of your mind?" she shouted. "We need to leave, now, before they catch us and kill us!" Steve looked startled.

"I didn't know that!" he protested. "You should have stopped me!"

"I thought you were calling Stark! Why didn't you tell me that you were calling Nat's phone? That's the stupidest move ever, and I've been on a lot of missions with incompetent agents!" Maria fumed. Bucky watched this exchange with raised eyebrows.

"I'm trying to make a start! It's a hell of a lot more than you're doing! I don't see you trying to locate her!"

"I am trying, it's just you keep messing up what I'm trying to do!" Maria growled. "We need to leave now!"

"It's too late." Bucky said finally. "There's a helicopter at twelve o'clock. They're already here."

* * *

Bullets whipped through the walls of the house with a terrifying force. Bucky shoved Maria down onto the floor and reached up with one hand to snag their equipment off the table. Steve was crawling toward the cellar doors.

"Wait!" Bucky said. "Our clothes. In the bedroom." He started to crawl, but Maria was already going, halfway down the hall when a grenade hit the center of the house. Bucky flattened himself against the wall and hoped that she would be alright.

Maria returned a few seconds later with their duffel bags dragging behind her. Steve shoved her into the cellar, his side soaked with a mixture of sweat and blood. Bucky, too, had suffered a few hits.

"Get a tracker on the helicopter!" Maria shouted. Bucky pulled something off his arm and tossed it out the window, where he could see the silvery hide of the copter. It hit the side of the vehicle with a satisfying clang. Steve dragged Bucky into the cellar, too.

* * *

There was a fire escape built into the cellar wall, leading to the outside. Bullets continued to ricochet around upstairs, but their sound was oddly muffled by the thick door on the cellar. The three of them were breathing hard.

"Everyone alright?" Steve asked finally.

"A couple of shots here and there." Bucky replied, examining his side, where the pain was most. A bullet wound on his left side stung, but other than that, he was only a little burned by the blast. Maria was slumped against the wall, sitting on the floor. Blood was staining the back of her navy blue shirt, and more was visible on the side of her jeans.

"The shrapnel." she said. "It's not too bad." Bucky snorted and turned to Steve. The soldier's side was stained with dark blood, and his friend was paler than usual. Bucky's heart sank.

"We need to get out of here and we need more medical supplies." Bucky said finally. "The copter's gone. It's heading south. We should clean up and go south ourselves, and maybe we'll run into their base. We'd get some leads from there." Steve and Maria nodded. Bucky grabbed the duffel bag and kicked the fire escape hatch open. He climbed up and held out a hand for Maria and Steve. Maria went first, and Bucky pulled her up, then Steve.

"Good job with the tracker, Bucky." Steve said as he began to walk away. "It was a nice pitch. You should join a baseball league." Bucky rolled his eyes and followed the soldier and the agent. They were both so strange, he thought.

* * *

 **Sorry it took so long- I'm trying to watch all 22 episodes of the first AoS season in one week, because then I have to give it back to the library :(**

 **I hope you liked this chapter! Review please!**


	8. Drink With Me

**I had a brilliant idea for an Agents of Shield fic, but I'll finish this one first.**

* * *

Bucky, Steve, and Maria trekked for about a mile to get to the nearest pharmacy. Bucky was the one to go inside to purchase bandages. Steve and Maria were too obviously injured. Bucky snorted. Since when had he become the discreet one? He had a metal arm, and yet they were sending _him_ into the store instead. Pitiful.

Bucky returned to Maria and Steve, who were hunkered under a tree, trying to escape the downpour of rain that had begun soon after they left the now destroyed safehouse.

"SHIELD's going to get wind of the attack. Agents will come and we'll probably get caught, taken back to headquarters, and replaced by a SHIELD team." Steve growled as soon as Bucky reached them. "We need to cover our tracks and place the blame on HYDRA."

"There's no agents at base right now. I was the only one there. Coulson and his team are in New Hampshire. The other agents are in Egypt, cleaning up a gigantic mess that HYDRA's caused over there. We won't get caught until one of those groups returns, and each of them are supposed to be away for another week." Maria replied swiftly. "We're safe." Bucky began to patch up his bullet wound, wincing a little as the peroxide seeped into the hole. Then he moved onto Steve.

His friend's side was punctured by four bullets. Only two had made it the whole way through. The other two were still embedded in Steve's skin.

"Give me your knife." Bucky said, holding out his hand to Maria. She removed it from the sheath and handed it to him. Bucky flicked open a lighter he had gotten and began to sear the edges of the knife with the flame. Steve watched him with weary eyes.

Bucky started digging the bullets out with his now hot blade. Steve hissed and squirmed. Bucky shut the noise out, focusing on the remaining bullet that was deep into Steve's body.

He pulled it out with a grim smile.

"I'll stich it." Maria offered.

"No. Your arm-" Steve protested.

"My arm was injured five years ago, Steve. I've been living with it for years now. Trust me on this." Maria said. Bucky held her gaze for a minute before he withdrew the needle and thread that he had bought from the store. Maria quickly and expertly stitched each of Steve's wounds shut and doused them in peroxide.

"Do you need help, Maria?" Steve asked. She glanced fleetingly at Bucky.

"No. Most of the shards I can reach myself. I'll be fine." she said. "If I need help, I'll do it somewhere more private than under a tree." Bucky smirked.

* * *

They stole another car. This one was more comfortable than the last. It was clearly a newer model and Bucky once again sat in the back with Maria. She didn't speak to him at all, and the whole car was silent as they began to drive north. Bucky liked the quiet. It let him think.

His companions were both different from what he was used to from working with HYDRA.

Maria was clearly not a soft agent. She seemed cool, calm, collected, and completely self-reliant. She was also intelligent, stubborn, and a very private person. She was humble. No ego whatsoever, despite being the Deputy Director of SHIELD, one of the top government agencies in the world. Bucky was used to the egoistic personalities of the various high-ranking officials in the army and in HYDRA. It was a refreshing change from what he had known for so many years.

And Steve was just Steve. He was exactly like he had been in the Howling Commandos. Bucky enjoyed working with him again, even if he was obsessed with Natalia, Bucky's former love interest.

Bucky glanced over at Maria. She was staring out the window, and Bucky could see her face reflected in the smooth glass pane. It was a troubled face, but it was still far more peaceful than others that Bucky had seen.

"The moon is nice tonight." Steve commented. "If you look ahead, you can see it."

Bucky looked and saw the round, half-dollar size of the moon. It was either full or almost full. It was beautiful, calming, but also very remote looking. He looked at Maria.

She had stiffened in her seat and her eyes remained firmly to the window. Bucky frowned but didn't say anything.

"It is a very nice moon." he said finally. "It is very beautiful and calm, but it is also very far away and hard to reach." Just like Maria, Bucky thought. She had rightfully earned her title as ice queen of SHIELD.

* * *

Bucky never really liked SHIELD agents, and he really didn't like the Avengers much, either. The only exception to that rule was Steve. His long-time friend was the only one who he truly accepted as an ally. The others seemed ready to turn on their teammates at a moment's glance.

But Bucky had also heard of the undying acts of loyalty that had been committed by Maria Hill toward others. The knife in the arm had made news in the inner government circle. Steve had also told him about the incident. Maria's sacrifice in Russia. Bucky had attended Maria's funeral, but he hadn't spoken. He had hidden inside the forest, unnoticed, until the service was over. Maria was loyal. She could be trusted.

Despite her good points, Bucky still wasn't sure if she was working for HYDRA. He was reluctant to trust the agent until she had proven her real identity. Part of him wanted her to be a traitor. Then he wouldn't have to deal with her distracting presence and he could work peacefully. The other half wanted to believe her story and accept her as another unwavering friend.

The three of them were sitting in a diner, waiting for their orders to be delivered.

"What can I do to make you trust me?" Maria asked. Bucky looked up from his glass of water. She had her arms crossed and was staring at both Bucky and Steve. "What can I do that would make you believe that I'm not a traitor?"

"Tell me something that you've said to me behind closed doors." Steve replied automatically.

"I didn't want the Starks to name their child Marie-Grace because I didn't deserve the honor. I colored a purple minion with Wanda and gave it to Clint. I sat next to you when we saw _Phantom of the Opera_ on Broadway." Maria said immediately.

"They did name her Marie-Grace, Maria." Steve told her, watching the agent carefully for her response. She stiffened automatically. "Her middle name is Stephanie."

"And how is she?" Maria asked with some difficulty.

"She's fantastic. She's a great little kid- looks just like Pepper, but with Tony's eyes. Gracie's friendly and smart, for a five-year old. She was born right after you went under." Steve told her. Bucky watched this exchange, slightly out of the conversation. He had no idea who Marie-Grace was, but he assumed it was the Stark's daughter, named after Maria. For some odd reason.

"And I have a tombstone."

"Yes. It's at the Barton's farm. I'll take you there to see it, if you want." Steve offered. Maria declined.

"I'd rather not be reminded of that incident, Steve." she said. Steve smiled slightly and leaned back. "Do you have any questions, Bucky?"

"I want to know all of your triggers." Bucky blurted. Maria raised her eyebrows.

"That's generally classified information, Bucky. It's dangerous to give out the trigger information, because it could later be used for torture or for ransom. The information is too valuable to land in enemy hands- especially if it's the Deputy Director of SHIELD's information." Maria told him.

"That's why I want it. If you truly are the Agent Hill I think you are, you'll trust me with the information. The Maria Hill before Russia trusted me. If you're a traitor, you wouldn't give someone on the other side your triggers."

"Alright." Maria said. "I don't have as many as Natasha has acquired over the years, but I do have around four of them."

"I can't look at the moon." she said. Bucky began to speak, but she shushed him. "When I was a little kid, I was visiting my mother's grave when a gang approached me from behind. It was a full moon that night. They kicked my head against my mother's tombstone and then left. I remember being so dazed that all I could do was stare up at the moon and try and call for help. Eventually an old lady walking through the graveyard found me and took me back home. I've never been able to look at the moon again, because I relive that experience and what happened afterward with my father."

"Another trigger is sudden movements. If it's near my face it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and occasionally I get a flashback. I can deal with battle situations because I prepare for that, but if someone catches me off guard, it's not easy for me to put that wall up."

"It's not a trigger, but I don't drink alcohol. No beer or wine. Not even champagne. I don't want to get drunk and hurt someone like my father did. Every night he'd come home intoxicated and I lived in constant fear that he would hit me in his drunken state. I refused to touch drink like that after I graduated from high school."

"Water is a trigger as well. Controlled water isn't the problem, but rivers and lakes and dams are. My father once held my head underwater until he thought I almost ran out of air. He'd lift my head back up and let me take a breath, and dunk me under again. It happened every year on my birthday. The day my mother died. He'd sit on my back so I couldn't escape." Maria's tone was detached and emotionless. Bucky wanted her to stop there. "It's also a trigger because of Russia, five years ago. I burst through the window and into the gorge beside the Russian bunker. All I could see was water. I felt like I was going to drown, but HYDRA pulled me out."

"I can't deal with whips of any kind." She didn't elaborate on that. Bucky knew why she didn't.

"I believe you." he said simply.

* * *

 **Did you like it? I thought of the moon thing at camp, I'm pretty sure...**

 **I think I'm making Bucky too nice. Should he be harsher? What should happen next? I'll take a suggestion into consideration!**


	9. The Sun Will Rise

**On Episode 11 of Agents of SHIELD... the suspense is killing me!**

 **If I somehow didn't say this before, Maria's tombstone has a quote from Harry Potter on it. It's said by Dumbledore in the Sorcerer's (or Philosopher's, if you're British) Stone.**

* * *

Bucky, Maria, and Steve were halfway to their destination. They hadn't found another safehouse, so they were sleeping in the stolen car. It was an awkward situation. It got even more awkward when Maria fell asleep on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky wasn't prepared for the SHIELD agent to sit next to him when they were tracking the helicopter from inside the car. They stared at the screen for about an hour or two, and Bucky was beginning to grow sleepy.

Suddenly there was a weight on Bucky's left shoulder. He could feel Maria's soft hair brushing against his chin and her warm body pressing up against his. He cleared his throat awkwardly. Maria didn't stir. Steve glanced over at them.

"You've got yourself a girl, Bucky. Congrats." he said. Steve looked like a cat that had just eaten a bowl of cream. "You'll make such a great pair." Bucky didn't want to wake her up, but he hated what Steve was insinuating.

"She's not my 'girl', Steve. I'm a lone wolf. I don't do 'girls', unlike you." Bucky snarled. "She's a liability. Her connection with HYDRA is too dangerous. I don't trust her." A little voice inside his head was protesting otherwise. _Why are you letting her sleep on your shoulder if you don't trust her?_

"Nat came from the Red Room. That doesn't stop me. I've seen the way you look at her, Bucky. And you deserve her. You both were meant for each other." Steve said, still staring at the screen. "I've always hoped that Maria would find a guy that was right for her. No one seemed to fit until I saw you two fight together in that alleyway."

"I was meant to kill, not fall in love. I don't even know what love feels like." Bucky snapped. "I will not fall in love with a SHIELD agent. They're manipulative and dangerous. She wouldn't hesitate to stab me in the back if it meant the survival of SHIELD."

"She's made just as many sacrifices as you for her cause. You would do the same thing."

Bucky was getting agitated. He hated the fact that Steve thought they looked good together. He didn't want to fall in love. Love led to problems. Love caused people to run halfway across the country. Just like Steve was doing.

"Love makes people blind." Bucky said forcefully. "I plan to keep my eyes open. And love is for children."

"We were all children once, Bucky."

* * *

As the sun went up Bucky's eyes got even more tired. He kept himself awake. He was _not_ going to give Steve the satisfaction of seeing them sleeping at the same time. Maria had shifted off his shoulder and now she was curled up like a cat on her side of the car. Her sleek hair was in disarray from a night of sleep.

Bucky watched her. Analyzed her. She was a significant threat in battle. The muscles in her leg showed that she was a very good runner. Powerful. Agile. Her arms were the same. She was thin, too, perhaps unnaturally so. And her eyes were captivating when they were open. And yet Bucky still didn't trust her. A person wearing her face had betrayed Steve and Natalia. He wasn't about to let that incident slide, despite Maria's claims of innocence. He needed something concrete that showed that she truly was Maria Hill and not an impostor.

Maria was stirring. Bucky straightened up and tried not to look like a stalker. His gaze moved to the screen that was tracking the helicopter. The blinking dot that had shown the copter's location was gone. Bucky cursed loudly.

Maria visibly stiffened again and Bucky almost swore again. He had set something off. A trigger. Maybe her father cursed when he was drunk...

Bucky could suddenly see it, clear as day. A little brown-haired girl in pigtails cowering against a wall as her drunken father threw things at her, cursing horribly. Bucky was no stranger to violence, but he knew that at a young age, violence could damage the mind forever. Especially if it came from a parent figure. And Maria's father was the only guardian that she had had, and so the blow must have been ever more the harder.

"Bucky?" Steve asked from the front seat. "What is it?"

"The copter's trace has vanished. The coordinates are gone. We have no way to find the copter again, and the location of the base is gone, too." Bucky explained as calmly as possible. Steve punched the window with a loud shattering noise. Maria sat bolt upright.

"Steve!" Bucky said loudly. "Calm down. We can do this. I remember where the dot was. I'll write the coordinates down and we can go from there."

"There's a car coming around the bend. Black." Maria said, still not turning around. "Your phone was bugged. They're tracking it now, and we're in serious danger." Steve swore even more colorfully than Bucky had.

"Give me my shield." he said. Maria reached under her seat and drew out the infamous shield and handed it to Steve. He leaned out the broken driver's side window and chucked the shield straight at the car. It spun out of control and rammed into the rock on the side of the road. It blocked the other lane of traffic now.

"Give me your phone." Maria said calmly. Steve handed it to her. She got out of the car. Bucky reached out to stop her. "They're dead. It's completely safe."

She tossed the phone into the smoldering wreckage of the black car and got back in.

"Good thinking. They'll think we're dead. It will give us enough time to get to the base and rescue Natasha." Steve said. Bucky was surprised. It was a good idea to put the phone in the car. The SHIELD agent was smarter than he thought.

* * *

 ** _The Avengers Tower, New York City_**

"Where are they?" Tony asked. He had returned from Florida. Pepper was standing, her arms crossed, in the doorway to Steve's bedroom. The Starks had gotten home to Bruce and Betty frantically searching for Steve and Natasha. "Where could they possibly have gone?"

"Daddy, this was on the floor." Marie-Grace said and handed him a piece of paper. It was in Maria Hill's handwriting.

 _Tony._

 _I know this is a surprise for you. The Maria you've been talking to these past weeks hasn't been the real Maria. She was a HYDRA impostor and she bugged your phones. Throw them all out. I'm alive and I've been so for the last five years. HYDRA caught me after I fell into the gorge. For a month after that they tried to get the facial imprint for the mask. I didn't give it to them. For a month I stayed awake to keep all of you save. Every night I thought of you, Pepper, and Marie-Grace and I knew I couldn't let them do it. It was difficult and I received many injuries. Finally I was rendered unconscious after being whipped multiple times. They got the mask then._

 _I got a distress call from Steve last night. He and Nat were attacked in an alleyway. I came to help him. I'm with Steve and Bucky now, trying to rescue Natasha before they do her any serious harm or make another mask._

 _I'm sorry I lied. They threatened to kill you if you knew that I was alive._

 _Say hi to all of them for me and tell them I'm sorry._

 _Maria_

"We were tricked." Tony said tonelessly. Pepper moved closer to read the note. After she was done, she looked up. "I can't believe that we were lied to. I don't know what to think now. I don't know if I believe her."

"Tony." Elizabeth Ross said urgently. "There was an explosion in a SHIELD safe house. There's footage." Tony whipped around and Elizabeth projected the footage on the screen. Three figures ran away from the house after it was blown up. One with a distinct metal arm. Another with a shield. And the last one in a brown ponytail.

"They're still alive."

"Yes."

* * *

 **I'm thinking of adding Coulson, Fitzsimmons, Ward, and May into this fic. What do you think?**


	10. Breaking Storm

**Just watched the Agents of SHIELD episode with Maria in it :) She was awesome, but I wish she was in the show more often.**

 **Pretend that SHIELD was set up again and their systems are fine. Fury is still in charge. And if you haven't watched Agents of Shield, you might find a little of this information hard to understand. So spoiler alert for Agents of Shield and all the Avengers movies.**

* * *

"Agent Coulson, Agent May, Agent Fitz, Agent Simmons, and Agent Skye please report to Director Fury's office immediately."

Simmons looked up from her data samples. Fitz glanced over at his friend and fellow agent.

"We're being summoned to Fury's office?" Fitz said, his voice tinged with disbelief. "Why are we being sent to Fury's office? We didn't do anything wrong, did we?" Simmons could feel apprehension building in her stomach.

"It's nothing. I'm sure he just wants to debrief us on our next mission."

"Fury has never debriefed us on a mission."

* * *

"I called you here to debrief you on your next mission." Fury said once all the agents had gathered in his office. "We suspect that the Winter Soldier has taken Commander Hill and Steve Rogers captive and is leading them to a HYDRA stronghold. You're to retrieve both Hill and Rogers alive, and eliminate the Winter Soldier if he shows any signs of aggression. The rules are simple- Agents Fitz and Simmons will be the ones in the field. Skye will track any devices they might have. Coulson and May will supervise the mission from the plane. Coulson and May will remain in the plane unless Fitz and Simmons call for evacuation. Under no account will either of you go into the field."

"Sir, why not?" Coulson demanded. "You know this job is personal to me. Hill and Rogers befriended me. Please, let me go them."

"Your attachment to Hill and Rogers is a liability. They could be working for HYDRA now, and if so, Fitz and Simmons will eliminate them as well. We all know you could never kill Agent Hill or Captain America. And May will keep an eye on you and make sure you stay put. She's formed a bond with Hill, too." Fury replied coldly.

"They're our friends!" Simmons protested. "Hill helped us rescue Skye! She's a good person, and I for one won't kill her. I won't kill any of them." Fury leaned toward the scientist.

"It's not up to you, _Agent_ Simmons. You will do as you're told. All of you will. Don't ask questions. You're to eliminate any of them if they show signs of aggression. Including Hill and Rogers. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Simmons said, looking down at her feet. Her eyes were glistening with tears.

"You're going to need to make the hard call."

* * *

 _Flashback, five years previously_

The Avengers stood in Fury's office. The room contained many friends of Maria Hill. Coulson, May, Fury, Simmons, Fitz, Skye. And all of the Avengers minus Tony.

"Sir, we regret to inform you that Maria was killed in the line of duty." Steve Rogers said. The instant response was stunning and surprising. Coulson let out a yell of anguish and anger. May's stony face twitched. Simmons started to cry, and Fitz wrapped his friend in his arms. A tear was on the engineer's face, too. Skye was openmouthed. And Fury was, well, furious.

"What?" he bellowed. "Hill is dead?" Steve swallowed and nodded.

"There's a broken window on the side of the bunker. If she went out that way, she would fall headfirst into the gorge. We looked for two hours for her body, sir. She's gone." he replied. Fury's one eye was glazed with anger. He smashed the mug that was on his desk. Coulson's team was utterly silent now.

"There's still a chance..." he muttered.

"Sir, it's a one in a million that she's still alive. The necklace that she wears around her wrist- it's here." Clint spoke up. He held up something silver that was dangling from his wrist. It was a delicate pendant that had an 'm' on it.

"Hill is a one in a million." Fury insisted. "She's alive. I know it."

"Like it or not, sir, you need to a appoint a new deputy." Natasha said bravely. Fury glared at her.

"My deputy will be Melinda May." he said finally. "May, your clearance is level 9. The files will be updated. I'll give Hill a week to show herself. If she doesn't by that time, I'll call her as dead. Not a word of this will leave this room. Do you understand?" Fury glared at all of them.

"Yes, sir." Fitz said quietly.

"Good. Hill is a survivor."

"Not very many people could survive a 100 foot drop into a whitewater river. With all due respect, sir." Skye said. Clint dropped Maria's necklace in Fury's hand as the Avengers left.

* * *

 _Present day_

Marie-Grace was utterly confused. She was sitting with Pepper and Tony at the breakfast table. None of the other Avengers were around now.

"Where is Miss Maria?" she asked timidly. Tony exchanged a glance with Pepper.

"Gracie, we have something to tell you. Miss Maria betrayed us. She isn't the person we thought she was. We called Fury and he's sending a team after them now. You can't ever trust her, Gracie, alright? Unless we tell you, don't talk to her."

"But daddy, she's your friend!" Marie-Grace protested. She yanked a silvery chain out of her pocket. "Look, she gave this to me when she visited with Steve and Bucky!"

Tony inhaled sharply. The last time he had seen that necklace was in Fury's office, when they were telling the Director of SHIELD of his agent's death. It was a star with an m etched into it. Maria had worn it wrapped around her wrist- anything that went around someone's neck in SHIELD was viewed as a noose ready to be used.

"She gave you that?" Pepper whispered.

"Yes! She said she'd come back with Nat and Steve and Bucky and we'd be able to get to know each other better! But I was confused, because I thought that we already knew each other pretty well since she's been hanging out with me for a long time now!"

"Did she say anything else, Gracie?" Tony asked urgently. "Anything about where she was going?"

"She just said she was going to be back soon. She's pretty, daddy. She was wearing a white turtleneck sweater and she unwrapped it from her wrist. That was all." Marie-Grace insisted. "Why are you asking me, daddy? Why don't you call her?"

"It's too dangerous, and I'm still not sure if I trust her."

"Tony. Fury must have given her that necklace. The real Maria must have returned to SHIELD and when she came back, Fury gave it back to her. There's no other explanation. She would have gone through the lie detector and everything. One of them is real."

"Why wouldn't she tell us?"

"Maybe she was being the shield. Protecting us from whatever was out to get us."

* * *

 **I finished season 1 of Agents of Shield. Now I don't know what to do with myself.**


	11. The End of the Day

**I've had the suggestions for multiple story ideas after this one... I'm having trouble deciding on some ideas that I've had. Maybe you guys could vote sometime.**

 **Options:**

 **1\. Pepper contracts a deadly virus and the Avengers embark on a mission to find the cure**

 **2\. This could be the last story in this arc of characters. I could start over with a new line and end this one happily.**

 **3\. After a battle, Maria is left in a coma and Bucky struggles to come to terms with his feelings for her**

 **4\. Coulson, Maria, Bucky, and Fitzsimmons are assigned a dangerous job with grievous consequences. The Avengers are left to pick up the pieces of the aftermath.**

 **5\. Submit your own idea for consideration. I'll tell you if I like it, and I'll message you if I decide to do it. It might become a collaboration story if your idea is the one that's chosen.**

 **Personally, I like either number 1, 2, 3,and 5 but I do like the idea of a Coulson/Maria/Bucky/Fitzsimmons mission. Write your comments in the reviews!**

* * *

The rescue mission was a slow process. Extremely slow. They had stopped at an abandoned warehouse that had previously been a SHIELD safehouse. Now it was just an empty shell. Bucky was suspicious of the building. Warehouses were the perfect places for an ambush. He had had a lot of experience with people hiding behind shelves.

"You know, I think we deserve a break." Steve said as all three of them were sitting on the cold concrete floor with the tracking equipment spread out in front of them. "We could watch a movie or something. Or play cards."

"Streaming a movie is out of the question." Maria said immediately. "They could track it. Plus, it's suspicious if an abandoned warehouse is watching Downton Abbey or something." Bucky agreed with Maria.

"How about two truths and a lie?" Bucky suggested thoughtfully. "I don't really know you guys as well as I'd like. Even thought I've been in Steve's Howling Commandos, it's been awhile."

"Alright." Steve said. "Maria, do you want to go first?"

"Sure. Just let me think about it." she replied. "Okay. One. My favorite color is sea-foam green. Two. I attended Julliard as a cover for a mission. Three. My favorite animal is a wolf." Bucky pondered what she had said. Maria had managed to state every option with the same, toneless voice, so it was harder to figure out her lie. She also had a perfect poker face on the entire time.

"That's difficult." Steve whined. "You're supposed to pick something that we could actually know!"

"You could have found out." Maria countered. "You never bothered to ask."

"I'm going to say that the Julliard one is a lie." Steve answered finally. "Bucky?" The assassin was struggling with his options. There was no way that Maria could have made the Julliard thing up on the spot. Was her favorite color sea-foam green?

"The wolf one." Bucky said.

"You're both wrong. The sea-foam one was wrong- my favorite color is sky blue." Maria said triumphantly. Steve looked shocked.

 _"Julliard?_ How did you survive a place like that? What did you go there for? When?"

"Level 7 clearance, so about ten years ago. I went to track a potential SHIELD escapee. I went for theater." Maria said calmly. "It was fun. Intense, but very stimulating and I learned quite a bit about acting, which is valuable in the field."

"Okay, Bucky." Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"My favorite fruit is a mango. I have never watched Star Wars. I have been to Australia." Bucky said crisply.

"The Star Wars one." Maria said instantly. Steve glanced at her wearily.

"She seems confident. But I don't think you've been in modern society enough to have watched Star Wars... I think that your favorite fruit is not a mango." Steve mused.

"Maria's right. I've seen Star Wars." Bucky admitted. "It was very odd. Lots of strange aliens and mean people in dark cloaks."

"Doesn't sound so different from the world we live in." Maria said sarcastically. She had a point. Aliens invaded New York. The mean people were members of HYDRA. Most movies must have some root in reality, Bucky realized.

* * *

Bruce was itching to chase after Steve, Maria, and Bucky. He wanted to kill Bucky for capturing Steve and Maria, and he wanted to kill Maria for betraying them to HYDRA. Betty was the only thing that was restraining him.

"You don't have the full story, Bruce. You can't run in there and kill Maria and Bucky without figuring out why they did what they did." Betty told him. "Just let the SHIELD team find them, and when they return, you can talk to them.

"They betrayed us, Betty! They deserve to die!"

"They're your friends! They deserve the chance to prove themselves. A second chance. Just like you were given."

"We gave both of them a second chance! Maria was supposed to be dead, and we let her back into our family without asking questions. Now she's betrayed us. And Bucky- we forgave him for what he did to Steve, and yet he turns on us, too! There's no on we can trust anymore." Bruce growled.

"People like them need a third chance, Bruce. Everyone needs someone who's willing to go above and beyond to forgive them. If you kill them without asking questions, you're just like HYDRA."

* * *

Simmons didn't want to go into the field. To kill Commander Hill... if it came to that result, Simmons didn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. And Fitz seemed all too prepared for the worst.

"I, for one can't wait to confront those traitorous little sneaks." Fitz snarled. "We trusted Hill, and she's betrayed us."

"She might not have. She might be being held against her own will, Fitz. You need to give her another chance! The Winter Soldier could be holding both of them captive. We need answers, not allies that are dead."

"Why are you so trusting, Jemma? We trusted... _him..._ and look where that led us! We need to stand up for ourselves and stop letting HYDRA walk all over us." Fitz insisted. "I hate knowing we might have to kill our friends, but we can't afford to let our connections stop us."

"It's _Commander Hill,_ Fitz. She's a level 9 agent, for goodness sake! She would never betray SHIELD. And Bucky Barnes has proven himself many times over! If we have to kill them, we should at least interrogate them first."

"And give them a chance to escape? No way, Jemma. They never gave us a second chance. We shouldn't give them one."

* * *

 **What if I tried 'Avengers get turned into children and SHIELD has to supervise' except Maria and Bucky would be kids, too? And Coulson, Fury, May, and Sharon Carter would have to babysit them? The idea is oddly appealing...**


	12. Falling From Grace

**I've chosen the third story's plot. shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod suggested that the team would be split up in the wilderness and would have to survive on their own. I liked the idea, and there's a possibility that we're collaborating on that. Thanks for all of your suggestions!**

* * *

Steve's pent-up frustration with the search for Natasha was building up. Bucky could see it in his friend's eyes. Their computers had revealed nothing on the HYDRA base's location or its security measures. The three of them had been staying up late into the night, getting around four hours of sleep every day. It was beginning to show, especially on Steve and Maria. Bucky was used to odd hours, and had often stayed up very late on missions with HYDRA. Steve and Maria were more accustomed to regular sleeping patterns, but Bucky also guessed that Maria never truly slept well. A knee-jerk reaction to what she had been through, perhaps.

"If we stayed here another week or two, I could get some intel from some of the HYDRA agents." Bucky suggested one night. "I would just need time to gain their trust and then we'd be able to take a look at the HYDRA security. Get to know their system."

"Every second we sit here Natasha is in danger!" Steve said forcefully. "I am not waiting another week just to see what their systems are like. We're going in in two days, no matter what we know or don't know."

"That would be suicide and you know it, Steve!" Maria answered. "We can't rush into missions like that. That's how people get killed, and one day it's not going to be a random SHIELD agent that you don't know. Someday, it's going to be one of us. Mistakes like that lead to death."

"And waiting could lead to Nat's!"

"We need to plan. We can't do anything without knowing how their system works. We don't want to cause a loud commotion. It should be get in, get out." Bucky tried to reason with the super soldier.

"Natasha's not going to be sitting in the lobby waiting for us, Bucky. It's going to be a high-security cell that she's in. It's not going to be 'get in, get out.'"

"Exactly! Which is why we need to plan." Maria said exasperatedly. "Just because Nat's in danger doesn't mean you throw away all mission protocol and rush into it. Someone's going to get hurt, and afterwards, you'll regret it."

"I'll regret it if she dies! I love her, Maria! What don't you understand about that? Love is for children? Is that what you think? Love makes people blind?" Steve shouted. Steve was repeating what Bucky had said to him that night in the car. Bucky wanted to punch Steve right then and there. "Love isn't worth dying for?"

"Of course that's not what I think!" Maria shouted angrily. Bucky could see the tears pooling in Maria's blue eyes. He didn't know what to say to make Steve calm down. "I love Nat just as much as you do, just in a different way! I'm here, aren't I? I'm trying to help you, Steve! I don't want to rescue Natasha just to tell her that you died because of your reckless behavior!"

"If we don't act soon, I'll be rescuing a dead body! You never understood anything about love, Maria Hill." Steve said coldly. "You're heartless. You're trying to prevent me from rescuing her because you don't care. You're still working for HYDRA."

"You think I don't know what love feels like? You've never bothered to ask about me, Steve, just like everyone else in SHIELD. You're just like all those rookie agents who call me the Ice Queen of SHIELD. Do you know what it feels like when your father blames you for being born? Do you know what it feels like when your father wishes you were dead, and your mother alive in your place? Of course not." Maria said icily. "Do you know what it's like to see your best friend die before your eyes?"

"I know what it feels like when your best friend doesn't remember who you are! You think you're the only person on this world who is worth saving. You don't care about anyone else's survival as long as you and your precious SHIELD makes it through."

"I was willing to _die_ for you, Steve! I told Coulson to blow that bunker up while I was still in it, because I cared about you and Natasha! I was willing to sacrifice my life so that Natasha could live knowing her torturer was dead! What don't you understand about that?"

"If you cared about us so much, you would have told us you were alive!" Steve bellowed.

"If I had told you, HYDRA would have killed the whole team, starting with Nat and ending with you, so that you could live every day alone, without her! I made that sacrifice for you! I stayed awake a month for you! I'm trying to protect you." Maria said. Her face was streaked with angry tears now. Bucky silently began to walk a little ways away. He had no part in this argument. This was two angry souls trying to sort out their feelings of betrayal and anger. Bucky had stepped into the picture long after all of that had happened.

"I don't need your protection!" Steve snarled. "You, standing there, with your high-and-mighty Level 9 clearance! You don't get it, Maria! I love Natasha! You think I don't know how you look at me? You think I haven't seen the jealousy in your eyes when I say I love Natasha?"

"You think I'm in love with you? I don't do that to people. I'm not that girl who longs for a guy that's already taken. I'm not that vicious, backstabbing teenager in romance novels who tries to tear the happy couple apart. I have never been 'in love,' Steve. There is no one on this planet who is right for me. No one has ever tried to love me." Maria said bitterly.

Bucky felt an enormous rush of pity for the agent. He had heard stories of the heartless Deputy Director. She was heartless. She was like a stone gargoyle. She refused to take vacations. She didn't let people take time off unless they were sick or injured or dying. She didn't allow romance in the office. Bucky didn't believe any of it.

"You are the girl who backstabs their friends, Maria."

"If I'm such a backstabber, then why am I trying to help you save Natasha?" Maria countered. Steve had no answer for that.

* * *

Natasha sat in the guest bedroom of the HYDRA bunker, staring around at her surroundings. When she was captured, she was put into a luxury bedroom and locked in. There was a kitchen with a full pantry. A bathroom with a shower and a bathtub. Soap. Shampoo.

HYDRA hadn't hurt her. They had said that she was the bait for all of the other Avengers. She would remain unharmed until the team appeared. They would take her to watch all of her friends being killed. They would end with Steve, and then she herself would die. But for now, she was being treated as an exalted guest. The HYDRA soldiers served her with mocking 'Yes, ma'am's and 'No, ma'am's. Natasha hated it. And she hated knowing that Steve would lead the team to her to die.

She knew he would come after her. There was no way to contact him. No way to tell him that it was a trap. Her only choice was to wait and hope that the team had a plan of escape. But it was unlikely that they knew that she was in no danger. Steve was the only one who could have possibly heard HYDRA's change of plan back in the alleyway. Natasha was clinging to that last hope. Or maybe he was just so devastated by her refusal that he wouldn't come after her. Then the team would be safe.

Natasha wished she had accepted Steve's proposal. Perhaps they would have gotten married, and none of this would have happened. She regretted the fact that she had doubted his love for her. The way he fought in the alleyway had shown her that he loved her. She had never gotten the chance to tell him that she had never really doubted him.

And now she had no way to prevent his death. And Steve, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Wanda, the Vision, Bucky and Thor would all die. All because she had doubted Steve.

* * *

 **Wow, Maria and Steve really dished it out, didn't they?**


	13. Pain Goes On and On

**Sorry there was no update yesterday- I was in New York City for one of my birthday presents :) I saw Phantom of the Opera, just like the Avengers did, except I was upstairs. It was amazing. I loved it. I highly suggest seeing a Broadway show sometime in your lifetime. If you don't know what show you want to see, if you like romance, then watch Phantom.**

 **I realized that Maria's injuries are remarkably similar to Tauriel's injuries in my Lord of the Rings story. Huh.**

* * *

Bucky and Maria had performed espionage on the HYDRA base once they reached it. They learned that the fake Maria still used her Maria mask. This was lucky for them. Maria could pretend to work for HYDRA, bring Steve in as a 'prisoner', and Bucky could pretend that he helped her capture Steve. From there, they would take Steve into a cell and look for Natasha there, too. They would then escape using a route that Bucky remembered from his previous times there.

Bucky was extremely uncomfortable stuck in between Maria and Steve's fight. Neither of them spoke to each other unless it was necessary. Bucky could tell that Steve was angry. And he could tell that Maria was hurt.

"You should apologize to her." Bucky told Steve one night while Maria was scouting. "You were very harsh, and she has done nothing to deserve what you said." Steve crossed his arms.

"She didn't tell us that she was alive. She's just trying to get my favor over Natasha, or lead us straight into HYDRA's lair. She's done nothing to deserve my thanks."

"She tried to keep them from doing the technology mask!" Bucky snapped. "She stayed awake for a month. Why do you think she did that? To keep you and Nat safe." Steve's eyebrows narrowed and he shifted his stance.

"Then why did they get the imprint?" he challenged. "If she was trying so hard, then it never would have happened."

Bucky knew that he couldn't tell Steve what Maria had sacrificed. She had made him promise not to tell Steve about the whip lashes. He didn't want to betray her trust, but at the same time, he wanted to make amends between the two of them.

"She... bled out." Bucky said awkwardly. "Until she was unconcious."

"She never said anything about that. You're on her side, aren't you? You're both working for HYDRA!"

* * *

Coulson hated the mission that Fury had sent the team on. Why did he choose them to hunt Maria, Steve, and Bucky down? Why not a group of agents who had no loyalties to the Captain, to Hill, or to the Winter Soldier? Why people who had fallen in love with the bright, vibrant Deputy Director? Why people who had gotten to know Steve Rogers as a friend and comrade-in-arms? Or people that had seen Bucky as a vulnerable, confused man as opposed to a ruthless, evil killer? Why them?

And he was the one that recruited Maria from the Marine Corps. He had seen her as a bright-eyed, lively soldier under the command of the United States. He had read the reports made on Maria. He had watched her training in the extreme obstacle courses. He had seen her save someone's life.

He had seen her fear during the loyalty test of SHIELD. The agent's worst fear was brought into the base and placed in the same room with the agent for two hours.

They had brought Maria's abusive father, Garrett Hill, into the room and Coulson watched the shutters crash down on Maria Hill's face. He saw her steel herself and step closer to her father, as if to shake his hand. He saw Garrett Hill slap his daughter and had seen Maria recoil like a kicked dog. She recovered her composure quickly and had started to pace relentlessly. Garrett Hill had hurled insults at her the complete two hours. He had rushed at her. Spit at her.

Maria passed and was promoted to a higher clearance the very next day. And now Coulson was expected to kill her. He had seen the darkest depths of her soul in that room that day, and now he had sit by and do nothing, even if Fitz and Simmons had to kill her.

Coulson wasn't sure if he could obey orders like that.

* * *

Melinda May was livid the entire plane ride. Fury had made it clear that he expected Fitz and Simmons to kill Maria and Bucky. He didn't seem to think that they were still good. But May thought otherwise. After the safehouse blew up, May had seen Bucky help Maria out of the house, and then Bucky turned to help Steve. No one would help a prisoner like that. And there was no way that Steve Rogers would work for HYDRA.

That made May believe that they were all still on the right side.

May knew she could not stop herself from intervening if Fitz decided that Maria and Bucky needed to be killed. She had taught Maria from fresh out of the Marines. As a senior officer in SHIELD, she had been named as Maria's Supervising Officer. Her mentor. Her guide. Her friend, if you will.

And May had gotten to know the young Maria Hill and could never kill someone with a heart as determined and loyal as Maria's. She would never have betrayed SHIELD. It was an outrageous idea, for Maria Hill to be a traitor.

May would not stand by and let her protege be killed by Fitz and Simmons. She would save Maria personally if it came to that. Fury's orders be dammed.

The one thing that made May absolutely certain of Maria's loyalty was the memory of Maria's return from the 'dead'.

* * *

 _Five years prior, April 21_

 _The door of the SHIELD high-clearance meeting room opened. Fury, May, Coulson, and Felix Blake were all sitting at a conference table. A young agent was standing awkwardly at the door._

 _"Who are you?" Fury demanded, rising from his chair. The agent looked terrified._

 _"Agent Jocelyn Simone, Director Fury." she stammered._

 _"What are you doing here? How did you open the door?" Blake demanded. All of the agents involuntarily looked at the scanner. The screen read 'Maria Hill, Level 9.' Fury's eyes jumped to the badge in Agent Simone's hand._

 _"Who gave you that?" he asked, his voice calm, but with a slight hint of fear._

 _"Sir, she's alive." Agent Simone said. "Agent Hill."_

* * *

 _May immediately sprang up from her chair and she strode out of the meeting room without casting a second glance at the rest of the occupants in the room. Agent Simone looked slightly stunned, but she didn't comment._

 _"Are you absolutely sure?" Coulson asked, speaking for the first time. "She died in action. It's been a month. She's declared dead."_

 _"Sir, I'm certain. 100% sure that it's her. She's injured, but she's alive." Agent Simone replied nervously. "She told me to come to you. She's in her office." Fury nodded and made to leave, Coulson at his heels._

 _"Your name was?" he asked, stopping at the door.  
_

 _"Jocelyn Simone." Agent Simone said. She looked anxious._

 _"Your clearance?"_

 _"Level 6, sir."_

 _"Welcome to Level 7, Agent Simone." he said, with a wink. They left. Blake left a minute after, leaving a stunned Agent Simone in the doorway._

* * *

 _May reached Maria's office and it swung open as soon as the scanner read her badge. She stopped in the doorway. A figure was silhouetted against the dark window._

 _"Maria!" May breathed. The figure turned._

 _"May." she nodded. "I'm sorry. This must come as a shock to you." May shook her head and stepped closer to the agent._

 _"I'm glad you're alive, Maria." May admitted softly. Maria turned back around to face the window. May registered the dark wetness on the back of Maria's shirt. "You're injured." Maria instantly turned around so that the blood was hidden from May's sight._

 _"It's fine."_

 _"No. You're bleeding. You need to take care of yourself." May insisted._

 _"HYDRA plans to kill the Avengers using technology that we made. The one Romanoff used to get close to Alexander Pierce with." Maria said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. May saw the agent wince slightly when she did so. "They plan to show the Avengers someone looking exactly like me. Speaking like me. Looking like me. Acting like me. They plan lure them all out and let them think that I betrayed them."_

 _"Then we tell them. They'll want to know you're alive-"_

 _"No!" Maria said fiercely. "HYDRA threatened to kill them immediately if I do. They'll explode New York City. I can't let that happen, and they wouldn't if they knew, either."_

 _"Why is SHIELD allowed to know?"_

 _"They told me that SHIELD was allowed to know. Mostly because they didn't want SHIELD asking too many questions if I appeared without rejoining SHIELD. If one of our agents saw me in Avengers Tower, they would report to Fury and their decoy would be discovered. They want any SHIELD agent to believe that their decoy is me."_

 _"That makes sense. How do we stop it?"_

 _"Find HYDRA and kill them before they kill the Avengers."_

 _"And if we don't?"  
_

 _"I'll be the Avengers' final line of defense. I'm not letting Marie-Grace Stark lose her father, and I'm not going to watch all of them die, either." Maria said, her voice set._

* * *

May sighed. It had been hard watching Maria's return to SHIELD. And it was even harder knowing that Maria's life was on the line now, along with Steve Rogers' and Bucky Barnes'.

* * *

 **Sorry it took so long. Hope you liked it, and hope my explanations make sense. I'm terrible at those.**

 **For those of you not familiar with Agents of Shield, the higher the clearance level the more powerful. Maria is Level 9, Fury is Level 10, Coulson and Blake are both Level 8, and May is level 7.**

 **I made up Jocelyn Simone. Maybe she'll show up again. I don't know. Did you guys like her, or was she annoying?**


	14. A Heart Full of Love

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

Maria and Bucky were sleeping next to each other. For now all Bucky could see was the back of her head as she slept. He was having trouble falling asleep, since he knew that they would infiltrate HYDRA the next day. It was one o'clock in the morning.

Bucky was starting to drift off when he heard Maria start to cough. His eyes flew open and he was immediately on alert, searching for the noise that had startled him. She coughed again, and Bucky rolled over.

The SHIELD agent's body shook with the force of her coughing. Bucky didn't know what he should do.

"Maria?" he whispered into the dark. She didn't answer. Bucky scanned her motionless form. He still could see her body rising and falling as she breathed- so she wasn't dead. Bucky shrugged and rolled over so that he was facing Steve, instead.

He drifted off with Maria's sweet vanilla scent seeping into his nostrils.

* * *

The next morning, Maria was up before Steve or Bucky.

She knew Bucky had heard her the night before. She hoped that it had passed as a slight tickle in the throat, but in truth she felt terrible. Maria hadn't been able to sleep well for years after HYDRA captured her. The constant feeling that she was betraying her friends plagued her every night when she slept. On top of that, she had nightmares about her father and Natasha's capture. And she was worried that Steve hated her.

Maria steeled herself and put a gray tank top and a pair of athletic shorts. She had run every morning since she joined SHIELD. Six miles a day. It took her about thirty-five minutes to run the full six miles, and Maria wasn't about to skip one of her runs. It cleared her head sometimes.

When she returned, Bucky and Steve were awake and looking over their plans.

"Wash in the river and come back here in ten." Steve said without looking in her direction. Maria wiped sweat off her forehead and grabbed a pale blue shirt and a pair of jeans out of her duffel bag. She saw Bucky give her a questioning look as she passed him, but she didn't say anything.

She finished washing and joined Steve and Bucky.

"You'll be taking Steve hostage, Maria. Since we knocked out the other Maria the other day, they'll think that you're her. We know she wears her mask at all times, even at the HYDRA base, so you should be alright." Bucky told her. Maria nodded. "Hopefully the leader will put Steve in with Nat. From there Steve will use hidden explosives to bust her out of the prison. You and I will give them as much time as they need to get out. Then we'll blow the bunker up and call SHIELD. We'll also eliminate the leader personally. We don't want to give him a chance of escaping. We'll also kill the fake Maria as well."

"What's your cover?"

"You found me in a SHIELD base. You reintroduced me to HYDRA's cause and I came to help you capture Steve." Bucky replied immediately.

"I'm going to need my shield. Bucky, you should put it on your back and say you took it from me. When I need it, I'll fake a fight with you and get it back." Steve said. Bucky nodded. Maria's nerves were tingling with anticipation.

She missed the field.

* * *

Once they were in range of the HYDRA bunker, Maria took hold of Steve and dragged him toward the doors. Guards immediately went on full alert.

"Miss Thorne?" one of the guards asked. Maria nodded crisply.

"I found Captain America lurking in the forest ten miles out. I'm bringing him in to see the Commander." she said, standing straight. Steve watched the guards accept her story. He narrowed his eyes. It was too easy.

"Alright. We'll take you to him straightaway, Miss Thorne." the guard said. He motioned to another guard and they flanked Maria, Steve, and Bucky as the stepped into the bunker. The door closed shut behind them.

"Hail, HYDRA." Bucky muttered, his eyes dark.

They walked through hallways and turned corners. All around them guards saluted at the sight of Maria. The SHIELD agent held her head high. The guards looked suspiciously at Bucky.

A guard scanned a card and led Maria, Steve, and Bucky into a large, dimly lit room. The HYDRA symbol was on the wall opposite the door, and a high-backed chair hid its occupant from view.

"Miss Thorne is here, General." the guard announced. The chair turned around.

It was a tall, older man with a sardonic smile on his face as he took in Maria, Steve, and Bucky.

"Well done, Miss Hill." he said. "I see you've succeeded."

* * *

Steve comprehended the gentleman's words and his vision was filled with red. Traitor. Maria was in league with HYDRA all along, and she had just led Bucky and Steve into a trap. He never should have trusted her. People like her never stopped to think about friendship and loyalty. All she wanted to do was get Natasha killed.

Maria stepped a little ways away from Steve and Bucky. Steve didn't have time to think about what he was doing.

He snatched his shield off Bucky's back and flung it at Maria with all the force he could muster. The shield hit her hard in the stomach and she was thrown against the wall. Steve heard the sound of breaking bone and was almost pleased that the traitor had broken something. She had gotten what she deserved. He hated her. For the first time in his life, he hated Maria Hill with a passion.

Bucky stared at Steve in horror.

* * *

The room swam before Maria's eyes as she lay their on the floor, gasping for air. She felt her ribs cutting into her lungs. She slid to all fours and spit blood out of her mouth. Shock didn't allow her to register what Steve had just done.

The room spun and Maria's vision was fuzzy. Pain. She was so cold... She couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Bucky was staring at her, his mouth moving, but she didn't hear what he was saying to her. It was was one hundred times worse than the tunnel collapse when she chased after Barton. It was so much worse than the grenade thrown on the helicarrier. Her chest was burning, the fire threatening to consume her. She rolled over so she was laying on her side.

* * *

Bucky could see Maria's bright blue eyes growing dimmer. He could see the blood that she had spat up on the floor. He saw the pain on her face. He could see her chest struggling to rise every time she breathed in and out.

Bucky didn't know what to think.

"I always thought she would come around to the right side of the war." the Commander said. He rose from the chair and started to walk toward Bucky and Steve. "Why did you kill my best weapon, Captain?"

"She betrayed us!" Steve snarled. "She deserves to die."

"If you join HYDRA, I will let you kill her in every which way possible. I will give you back your girlfriend if you join HYDRA. I'll let you live in peace if you infiltrate SHIELD and tear them apart. Don't let them come after us."

"I would never join HYDRA!" Steve said. Bucky could see his friend's resolve start to waver. They were promising him Natasha. "You've probably hurt her!"

"I assure you, Miss Romanoff is completely happy and safe with us. Far safer than she was with SHIELD looking after her. After all, who tried to blow up the bunker you were in with that missile? SHIELD. Under the command of your 'Director' Fury and Miss Hill, here. Who made her fight with Hulk on the helicarrier?"

"You're the one who ordered that missile strike!"

"Oh, no, Captain. You see, we tried to stop them. Our agents were in the command center. We wanted to stop those carriers from launching. SHIELD was convinced that you were a liability in their operations. They wanted to get rid of you once and for all."

"That's a lie!"

"You know it's not true. Why do you think they had Agent 13 watch over you at your apartment? Why they tracked you down when you went missing from SHIELD?"

"You're the ones who tried to track me!"

Bucky was inching closer to Maria. The agent's eyes were closed and her breathing was getting shallower. Every now and then her body was wracked with violent coughs.

"No. The reality is, Captain, HYDRA is the good guys. SHIELD masqueraded as us to turn you against our cause. After you came out of the ice they brainwashed you into thinking we were bad. We're just looking for evolution. SHIELD is trying to stop it."

Just then, the door was blown off its hinges and Agent Fitz and Agent Simmons stepped into the room, accompanied by Agent Jocelyn Simone.

* * *

The wrap up was quick after that. Fitz shot the leader of HYDRA in the forehead. Agent Simone brought Natasha into the room once all of the guards in the room were dead.

Natasha ran into Steve's arms and they embraced. Steve never wanted to let go of her. Her sweet-smelling hair never smelled so wonderful. He felt content at last.

"Maria betrayed us." he whispered to Natasha. She pulled away from him.

"Maria would never betray us, Steve. What are you talking about?"

"She turned me in to HYDRA. She's been working for them all along. It's been the fake one all this time." Steve breathed. Agent Simone pulled someone from the hallway. It was the body of a blond woman, dressed in a SHIELD issue uniform.

"No, you knocked out the right one, Captain Rogers. HYDRA knew that the Maria you were with was the real one. They wanted her and you out of the equation in order to clear the way for the murders of the other Avengers." Agent Simone said, her tones clipped.

Steve's heart sank. He looked over at the prone agent on the floor and almost cried.

* * *

Bucky cradled Maria's head in his arms through the whole ride back to the SHIELD base. Simmons had given Maria a shot to knock her out so she wouldn't move too much and damage her chest more.

Maria's body was too light. Her face was too pale. And the blood on the front of her uniform almost tore Bucky's heart out.

He knew that he could never live life to the fullest if Maria Hill died.

* * *

 **I hope the explanations make sense... if not, oh, well, just enjoy the story.**

 **I came up with the brilliant idea for Steve to throw the shield at Maria when I was supposed to be listening to a lesson. Whoops.**


	15. Full of Starlight

**I just wanted to say thank you for the people who have been with me since the beginning- these people are called out because they review for almost every chapter and pm me and give me inspiration. These two people have been there since "No More Memories", and that kind of devotion deserves recognition.**

 **shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod- thank you for your wonderful idea for the next story, and all your meaningful reviews.**

 **IceDynamiteDragonflyStars- your reviews make my day- thanks for the inspiration! Thank you for letting me know that the explanations make sense!**

 **Here's the next chapter- I'm surprised you guys haven't blown up at me for having Steve hurt Maria :)**

* * *

They finally touched down at the SHIELD base. Maria was motionless in Bucky's arms. Steve and Natasha had taken a separate Quinjet back, and for that Bucky was glad. He didn't want to look at Steve just then. He was sick of Steve's quick-to-judge attitude, and he hated his friend for hurting Maria. She looked so gentle and helpless.

"We need to move her." Simmons said, crouching in front of Bucky. He had Maria's head in his lap. "Can you lift her without moving her too much?" Bucky nodded. He slid his arms under Maria's back and behind her knees and stood slowly up.

"Fury wants her in the medical bay." Agent Simone said crisply. She opened the ramp. Bucky stepped out.

The night was cool and crickets chirped serenely. The stars winked at Bucky as he walked from the landing pad and down the flight of stairs. Simmons and Agent Simone strode beside him, ever professional. There was no sign of Steve and Natasha's jet.

Maria was lighter than Bucky thought she would be. Her hair was soft on Bucky's bare arm, and now that he was holding her, the vanilla scent was ever more stronger. Bucky inhaled sharply. It was a soothing smell, but it was the opposite of what he was feeling now.

They reached the medical bay in a minute. Bucky laid Maria down in a hospital bed and stepped back. Doctors began to swarm around Maria.

"You're injured." Agent Simone said, standing at his shoulder. "You might want to get those wounds bandaged better. You don't want to get them infected." Bucky didn't move to leave.

Agent Simone glanced over at him.

"You know, she deserves a guy like you." she said finally. "Commander Hill's always struck me as a lone wolf, but seeing you guys together just seems... right. Even though I haven't seen you two together while she's awake, but you know, there's got to be something there."

Bucky glanced over at the redheaded agent, whose attention was now focused once again on the unconcious agent in the hospital bed. He didn't know what to say.

* * *

Steve and Natasha returned to the Avengers Tower. The other Quinjet's path had diverted to the SHIELD base. Steve watched it with a sinking feeling in his stomach. What was he going to tell the other Avengers, especially Wanda and Pepper?

The jet landed and Steve and Natasha stepped out. The whole team, plus Betty, Jane, Pepper, and Marie-Grace was waiting for them.

"Thank goodness you're alive." Pepper breathed. The team could just nod. It was extremely awkward standing there. The team looked like they didn't know if they should hug Natasha and Steve or start interrogating them.

"Mr Captain, look what I drew for you!" Marie-Grace finally cried, brandishing a piece of paper. Steve stepped forward and took it from her. It was the whole team in stick figures. The figure with red, curly squiggles for hair was holding hands with the blonde one that looked like he had stuck his finger in an electrical socket. The Starks were all together on the paper, and Bruce's stick figure had a green face and was holding hands with a brunette that had huge, doctor-like glasses. Thor had a red cape on and was holding hands with an Albert Einstein-esque brunette. Vision had a red face and Wanda had a red outfit. Clint was with his family.

And standing a little ways away from the Avengers was a brunette holding a camera in her left hand. Beside her was a stick figure with raccoon eyes and a shiny silver blob for an arm.

Maria and Bucky.

"Thanks, Gracie." Steve said. The team was looking at him sympathetically.

"I know it's hard for you, Steve. I can't imagine being betrayed by Bucky and Maria like that." Tony said finally. That caught Steve's attention.

"They didn't betray me." he said finally. "They were trying to help me rescue Natasha."

* * *

"Director Fury, we've run several tests on Commander Hill. She has several broken ribs and a few gunshot wounds. She also has numerous lacerations on her back, but the scars are older and there's record of them in her file. We've also diagnosed her with severe pneumonia and bronchitis, presumably brought on by lack of sleep and stress. The ribs have caused some internal bleeding and there is some damage to her reproductive systems." a doctor said awkwardly.

"What would you like from me?" Fury asked tiredly.

"We'd like your permission to remove the reproductive organs to reduce her internal bleeding and more pain in the future. The ribs shattered and punctured the organs in numerous places. Even if she did survive the bleeding with transfusions, she would still be sterile. It's the best option, sir." the doctor said.

Fury's heart sank. To rob Maria of children... to take away from her the parts that made her a female... what would she say to him? Would she forgive him?

"If we don't?"

"She'll most likely die or be in severe pain for the rest of her life."

"What are the results of the operation?"

"She would be unable to have children, sir. There might be some pain as her body heals, but afterwards there would be no pain due to the lack of organs there. She would be 94% likely to survive the operation, and after that, healing would be relatively quick. She's healthy, sir, and would heal much more quickly than the average woman."

"Do it." Fury said, and turned back to his work. But his hands shook as he picked up the next paper, and his one good eye was moist with a single tear.

* * *

 **I know, you're all mad. There is no children in Maria's future. Hopefully to any guys who read this it wasn't too graphic.**

 **It IS possible to get pneumonia and bronchitis at the same time. I researched it.**


	16. Climbing to the Light

**Missed your reviews yesterday :) Hopefully you didn't all stop reading because of what I did to Maria.**

 **Here is the next chapter.**

* * *

Pepper was sitting at the breakfast table. Marie-Grace was nowhere in sight- Pepper was pretty sure that she had sneaked up to Wanda's floor in the morning. Marie-Grace adored the Sokovian, and it was a mutual feeling. The whole team was overwhelmingly accepting of the third member of the Stark family.

Maria's absence was clearly affecting most of the team. Steve remained the only one who seemed untouched, and Pepper thought it was very strange. She thought that Steve should be pretty torn apart by Maria's injuries, but he was cool and calm.

The rest of the team appeared normal on the outside, but Pepper could see signs of agitation when the Avengers thought no one was looking.

Pepper decided she was going to see Maria.

* * *

"Director Fury, would it be possible for me to visit Maria today?" Pepper asked over the phone.

"I'm sure it will be fine. It's the same place that Natasha was in- just ask for Maria at the desk and you should be directed to her room." Fury replied, sounding slightly harried.

"How is she?"

"She's a sick girl, Pepper." Fury said, his voice softening. "She caught pneumonia and bronchitis, and some of her ribs were severely broken."

Then Fury told Pepper what they had had to do to Maria to save her life. Pepper was shocked, and her heart was filled with overwhelming pity for Maria. No one deserved so much pain. Especially not Maria.

"What am I going to tell her?" Fury muttered. "How can I tell her that we did... that... to her?"

"Just say it how it is and don't lie about it. She won't appreciate it if she finds out from someone other than you. Maria's a smart woman, Fury. She'll understand that you were saving her life, and she'll forgive you. She forgave Nat." Pepper advised. "Nat probably shortened her life. You extended it."

"It's my fault she went in with Rogers."

"From what Natasha tells me, Maria saved Steve. It was her choice. You were busy. There was no way you could have stopped her."

"I know." Fury said quietly. "If we had lost her..."

He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to. Pepper completely understood.

* * *

When Pepper entered Maria's hospital room, she was surprised at what she saw. The Winter Soldier was sitting next to Maria's head. Pepper didn't expect that.

Bucky got up when he saw Pepper.

"Good morning, Mrs. Stark." Bucky said immediately. He held out his hand. "I'm Bucky Barnes. Steve's friend." Pepper shook it wearily. Bucky's eyes held no sign of aggression, but the way he hovered over Maria's beside made Pepper wonder...

"How is she?" Pepper asked, sitting in the chair opposite Bucky.

"Her temperature is 103 degrees Fahrenheit." Bucky said. "They taped her ribs, but they were shattered pretty badly. They gave her a shot so she'd heal faster. She's been coughing in her sleep, but she hasn't woken up yet."

Pepper nodded.

"How is Steve?" Bucky asked. He was staring intently at Maria's face.

"He's holding up well. I don't think it's sunk in to him that Maria's hurt." Pepper said. "Natasha and Steve are back together." Bucky frowned.

"I thought they were already together. That's why he rescued her, isn't it? Because they're dating."

"Well, he and Natasha split up for a couple weeks or so. Steve asked Nat to marry him and she refused. So they stopped dating, and apparently they went for a walk. On the walk is when Nat was captured by HYDRA." Pepper explained.

They were silent for a minute. Pepper watched Bucky smooth Maria's damp hair from her forehead.

"I need your advice, Mrs. Stark." Bucky said abruptly. "I don't know how to ask girls out, and... I wanted to... I thought that maybe there's a chance for Maria and I. To get together."

Oh. Pepper's eyebrows rose. So that was why Bucky was hovering over her. He loved her. He was protecting her.

"Don't make a big deal out of it. Nothing fancy for the first date. A movie, maybe. Don't go anywhere- you could do it at the tower. She'll wear out quickly until she's fully recovered, so don't stress her out. Just be yourself when you ask, alright?"

"I think so." Bucky said uncertainly. "Thank you, Mrs. Stark."

"You're welcome, Bucky. Maria deserves a guy like you. I'm happy to help. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me. Nat's pretty good about advice too." Pepper said, and smiled at the Winter Soldier.

Bucky smiled tentatively back.

"And do call me Pepper, Bucky. Mrs. Stark makes me sound old."

* * *

Steve also visited Maria the same day. When he stepped into the room, the atmosphere of hostility increased dramatically. Bucky stood up.

"Come to apologize to her?" Bucky demanded.

"No. I don't regret what I did to her. I thought it was the fake Maria. You would have done the same." Steve said icily.

"No, I wouldn't have. You doubted her loyalty, Steve. It makes me wonder if you ever truly trust the people you work with." Bucky replied. "You questioned _my_ loyalty, too. Do you think I would ever lie to you?"

"You were once affiliated with HYDRA. It's dangerous to put your trust in someone with connections to a society like that."

"If I was affiliated with HYDRA, I wouldn't risk my neck to save an assassin who had the potential to ruin the plans HYDRA set up!" Bucky hissed.

"I wasn't coming to fight with you, Bucky."

"She trusted you, and you threw your shield at her!" Bucky snarled. "Way to pay pay back your friends, Steve. How could you do something like that? She was defenseless, and she was already sick! She didn't need you to-"

 _"She deserved it!_ She brought us there to die, Bucky! It's not my fault she's such a traitor." Steve shot back. "Why do you think the leader knew who she was? She was working for him all along and she pretended that she was our friend!"

"She wasn't working for HYDRA, Steve. The Commander thought that she was bringing us in. That was part of the plan the whole time, but you were so ready to blame her for everything that you didn't stop and think about what you were doing!" Bucky snapped.

"How do you know she wasn't working for HYDRA? Why do you think she left the morning of our plot? To tell the Commander that we were coming! That's why he was ready for us!"

"She went _running,_ Steve, or is that such a foreign concept to you? Don't you run, too? It's like you're trying not to believe that she's a good person! It's like you want her to be HYDRA just so you can finish what you started!"

"How do you know she went running? Did you go with her? No!" Steve insisted. "It was her cover for betraying us. Accept the facts, Bucky. She's not a friend. I should shoot her right here and now for what she did to us."

Bucky stepped in front of Maria's bedside.

"You'd have to kill me first, Steve Rogers." he growled.

* * *

The tower was mostly empty. The three people there were Tony, Pepper, and Elizabeth Ross. Tony was in his office, working on plans to add a floor for Maria once she recovered. With a little convincing from Pepper, he was also going to add one for Bucky. Maria deserved a better home than the expensive New York City apartment that she currently lived in, and Bucky had been working with the Avengers for quite some time now.

Marie-Grace was with Wanda and Clint, doing who-knows-what in the city. Tony trusted them with his daughter. If she were hurt on their watch the two Avengers would personally beat up whoever had done it, so Tony wasn't concerned in the slightest.

He was concerned about what furnishings to give Maria and Bucky on their respective floors.

"Pepper." he whined. Pepper rolled her eyes and looked up from a thick furniture catalog. "What rooms should I put on Maria's floor?"

"Well, a bedroom, to start. A living room, just like the others." Pepper said. "A small kitchen. A movie theater, perhaps. Maria loves blockbuster movies. She needs an office, too, since she'll be working at SHIELD. Give her plenty of our new technology."

"The ice queen of a secret government organization likes blockbusters." Tony repeated. "Okay."

"And give her a darkroom for developing her pictures, and a nice studio with picture frames and whatnot." Pepper added. "Give her room to be creative, just like the others."

"Alright, thanks, Pep." Tony said. "You know now Maria and Bucky will be on the floors above us. We won't be top gods, I mean dogs, anymore."

"They won't pound music all night, if that's what your worried about. Put Bucky on the floor above Maria." Pepper said. Tony nodded.

"Color scheme for the ice queen?"

"Blues and greens. Ocean colors, mostly. Some pale purple and orange, too. Create a soothing atmosphere. She's a workaholic. She needs a stress-free color scheme. Nothing like Vision's floor, alright?" Pepper suggested.

"Colors for the furniture?"

"Dark mahogany."

"Alright. It's going to be one pretty room. It's going to look kinda like Steve's floor, you do realize. He might push the wrong button and land on Maria's floor and think it's his." Tony said thoughtfully. "Then she might walk into the room and he'll have his clothes off... or worse, Nat will be there too-"

"Shut up, Tony. Don't put their floor numbers right next to each other on the elevator and they'll be fine."

"What about for Steve's creepy friend? Bucky? The Winter Soldier?" Tony asked after he had logged Maria's floor details into his computer. "I was thinking red and blue."

"Like Spiderman?" Pepper joked. "Just kidding. Red and blue do look nice together. But I think gray, red, and blue would look even better. He would have white wood furniture, too. For rooms you might want a ballroom."

"A ballroom."

"Bucky likes to dance. And a bedroom, kitchen, living room. Give him Steve's equipment. I think he'd like that. And maybe a gym. A small one, or you could do an obstacle course." Pepper continued.

"I'll do the gym. Multipurpose. I'll add some obstacle course equipment, plenty of weapons, and a room with a bunch of records. How's that?" Tony asked. Pepper nodded appreciatively. "Speaking of Bucky, where is he?"

"He's sitting in Maria's hospital room, watching her sleep." Pepper said.

"That's not creepy at all. No wonder nobody likes him." Tony said sarcastically. "Why is he watching her sleep? Only sparkly vampires with no sense of style do that. I mean seriously. Plus, he probably almost killed her a bunch of times-"

"He's in love with her, Tony."

* * *

 **REVIEW! IF YOU DON'T, I WILL CRY! I'M ALREADY SAD BECAUSE MY MOST RECENT CHAPTER DIDN'T GET ANY REVIEWS! SO DO IT! NOW!**

 **Just kidding. But please, review. It makes me happy.**

 **Hopefully the color schemes aren't too outrageous...**

 **Aren't Bucky and Maria so cute together? I can just see him brushing the hair off her forehead as she's sleeping... Aww...**

 **For you Twilight nuts, that was an Edward Cullen reference. Personally, I don't like Edward, Bella, or their sense of humor, but I thought that watching someone while they're sleeping is something only Edward and Bucky can do well. Hem.**

 **That hem was a Harry Potter reference, for those of you who didn't realize that. I love that series. No hate there. READ IT please :) Then we can fangirl together.**


	17. In My Life

**Here's the next chapter!**

 **I had some ideas while waiting for my brother to pick out running shoes, and maybe those will appear later.**

* * *

Bucky was starting get annoyed with Steve, who seemed determined to hate Maria now. She had done nothing wrong- it was Steve's actions that had caused so much problems.

It was the third night since Bucky, Maria and Steve were in the HYDRA base. Bucky slept in the chair next to Maria's bed. The SHIELD doctors were extremely kind to him- Agent Simone and Agent Simmons had both stopped by. Agent Simone had given Bucky a cup of coffee, and Agent Simmons had given Bucky a blanket and a pillow.

The main lights went out in the hospital. It was peaceful and quiet, and Bucky was content to watch Maria as she slept. She hadn't yet woken up since her surgery- Bucky wasn't sure if he should be glad or worried about that.

She looked like an angel, despite the monitors on either side of her. Even though her hair was slicked back with sweat and her face was pale. Bucky still thought she was beautiful. He didn't care that she couldn't have children anymore. Others might judge her because of that- but Bucky respected her nonetheless.

He was worried about her. The bronchitis had almost disappeared with the antibiotics that the doctors had given her- but the pneumonia made Bucky nervous. She coughed occasionally, with her eyes squeezed shut. Violent coughs that wracked her body and made Bucky cringe.

Maria stirred and her eyes blinked open. Bucky watched her take in the unfamiliar surroundings. He didn't move.

"Bucky?!" she whispered into the dark. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm making sure you don't leave." Bucky answered honestly. "I don't want to lose you, and nobody else was going to do it. You needed a friend to wake up to, so here I am."

He could see the cogs turning in Maria's mind as she took in the pain in her body.

"The shield shattered several of your ribs." Bucky told her. Her face turned so her eyes were on him. "You have pneumonia, and the bronchitis is almost gone." He wasn't sure if he should tell her about the surgery.

"Don't leave anything out." Maria said sternly. Even though she was lying, weak and sick, in a hospital bed, she still had the presence of a commanding SHIELD officer.

"They removed your... reproductive organs to lessen the internal bleeding caused by the shattered ribs." Bucky said quietly. He couldn't look at her. Maria was silent. Bucky's heart was pounding in his chest.

"I understand, Bucky." Maria said softly. He looked at her. Ocean-blue eyes met dark ones.

"I'm so sorry, Maria." he whispered. "I should have stopped him-"

"It wasn't your fault."

"I should have protected you. Tried harder to save you. To stop the bleeding. Stop Fury from allowing them to do it." Bucky said. Maria turned her head to look back at the ceiling.

"For me, children was never an option." she said. Bucky tilted his head. "I couldn't have one without questioning if I would turn out like my father. Or if I died in childbirth and leave the father set against the child that survived. Or think that I might get drunk and hurt it. I couldn't. And the emotional attachment- I couldn't do it. I can't deal with little kids knowing I could affect their personality forever."

"You would never hurt a child, Maria."

"Intentionally? No. But accidentally? Yes."

"Your Tony says that we're both getting floors at the tower." Bucky told her after ten minute's of companionable silence.

"Really?" Maria asked doubtfully. "I thought he didn't like you. Or me. I'm surprised Steve is allowing it, anyway. But my apartment is outrageously expensive to live out of, especially considering I'm not there most of the year. So it'll be good for my budget."

"I'm just glad for the company. They all seem decent."

"They are, for the most part. Steve's just being weird." Maria said. "Wanda's nice. You'll like her- she's a little like you, out of your element in the United States. She likes Sokovia better."

"I'll look forward to meeting her." Bucky replied.

"You know, Tony calls me 'ice princess of SHIELD.' I won't be surprised if my whole floor has Elsa decorations." Maria said, her face serious. Bucky frowned. Who was Elsa? Maria saw his look and laughed. "Elsa is a character in a movie, Bucky. She controls the weather."

"Oh. Sounds... weird."

"I'll show it to you sometime. You'll think it's funny."

* * *

Natasha and Steve were sitting together on the balcony of the Avengers Tower, hidden from view of the street, but still able to feel the soft evening air on their faces. There was a peaceful silence between them. Steve finally felt like he was able to relax. With the others, he was constantly glared at or stared at because of what he had done to Maria. Natasha didn't judge him the way the others did.

"Steve, I was thinking about that question you asked me earlier this year." Natasha said finally. "The proposal." Steve immediately straightened and looked over at her. She was sitting with a glass of water in her hand, her feet propped up on a footstool.

"I'm not in love with Maria." Steve said stiffly.

"I know. You rescued me and didn't even look romantically at her back at the HYDRA base. I trust your feelings now. I want to accept, if you'll still have me." Natasha said softly. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you. It caused so many problems and I wasn't justified in what I said."

 _"You_ never need to apologize to me, Natasha." Steve told her gently. "And I do. Still want to marry you, I mean." Natasha smiled at him.

"I hope you didn't throw out that ring." she said.

"No. I would never throw that out. I would have asked you every other day if it meant that on one of those days you would say yes."

"Well, be glad I spared you of that stress. Imagine if you asked me every other day! That would be awful, and then the question wouldn't mean anything special after the fiftieth time. Or even the fifth." Natasha said, laughing.

She got quiet again, and then-

"I love you, Steve Rogers."

Steve's heart jumped in his chest. Those three little words meant so much to him, and Natasha had rarely said it at all. But now the conviction in her voice made Steve believe all the more that they were meant to be.

"And I love you, Natasha Romanoff."

* * *

 **I decided the story had been drifting away from its main subjects- Steve and Nat- and moving to Maria and Bucky, so I added the last scene with hopes that I could bring myself back on track. I think it's a sweet scene.**

 **I know Maria doesn't really seem in pain in the scene above, but don't worry. She's still got a long road of recovery ahead of her.**

 **This story might actually be longer than "No More Memories", which I'm glad about. I like this one's plot a lot better and the plot is richer, I think.**


	18. My Soul on Fire

**Here's the next chapter!**

* * *

Marie-Grace didn't understand why all the adults in the tower were so sad and angry-looking. Everything seemed fine- all of her Avenger friends were at the tower, and Steve and Natasha seemed happy. But her mother and father were constantly talking in hushed tones, and Miss Betty and Bruce were always busy now. The only people who seemed to pay Marie-Grace a lot of attention were Wanda and Clint.

But even the archer was quiet.

"Mommy, why are you so sad?" she asked Pepper one day. Pepper looked confused. Marie-Grace looked up at her mother with big eyes.

"We're just trying to figure things out, Gracie. That's all." Pepper replied finally. "There's a lot of new things going on and it's hard for us to adjust." Marie-Grace was still puzzled. There was nothing new- just Natasha and Steve had come back.

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"One of our friends isn't feeling good right now." Pepper said after a brief pause. "We're trying to help her feel better." Marie-Grace perked up at this.

"Mommy, do you think we could make her a get-better box?" she asked. Marie-Grace and Pepper had made numerous people get-better boxes ever since Marie-Grace had turned three. They sent them to their friends- mostly sick or injured SHIELD agents.

"She'd like that."

"Who is it for?"

"Do you remember Miss Maria? The one who takes left-handed pictures?" Pepper asked.

"Yes! She gave me the necklace!" The necklace was now currently hanging on a hook in Marie-Grace's bedroom. It was both too long for her to wear around her neck and too long for her to wrap around her wrist, like Maria did.

"That's who it's for."

* * *

"Do you think that she'd like this?" Marie-Grace asked. She was standing in an aisle at the store with Tony and Pepper now. She held up the DVD of Frozen. Tony started laughing and Pepper shot him a withering glance.

"I think she'd love it, sweetheart." Tony said after he managed to control his laughter. The ice queen of SHIELD was about to get a movie about an ice queen. How ironic.

"Gracie, I was thinking that you might want to put Miss Maria's necklace in the get-better box." Pepper said after a box of cupcakes, colorful paper, and ribbon went into the shopping cart. Marie-Grace looked at her mother in surprise.

"She gave it to me, mommy. I think she wants me to have it." Marie-Grace said seriously.

"The necklace means a lot to her. I think it might cheer her up to see it again." Pepper tried. Marie-Grace visibly brightened.

"I know! I'll wear it when I deliver the box to her!" she chirped happily. Pepper panicked. Only Bucky, Fury, and herself knew about Maria's now infertility. What would Maria think when she saw a child, knowing now that she couldn't bear one herself?

"I'm sure that will please her." Pepper said after a pause.

* * *

With a bunch of pleading from Maria, Bucky returned to his apartment to sleep. After a couple hours or so, he woke up again. His phone dinged.

 _Can you pick up some stuff from my flat?_ It was Maria.

 _Sure, what do you need?_

 _A couple hairties from the right-hand drawer under the sink. A couple shirts. Underwear. Any four books from the bookshelf. Shampoo and soap. Hopefully they'll let me take a shower._

 _I don't want to go rooting through your stuff._

 _Grow up, Bucky. It's not going to kill you to see girl's stuff in my drawers. I expect you back in a half hour. Or else I'll assume that you fell asleep at my house. Then I'll send Nat in to murder you. Eat anything you want._

 _I'll be back at your room in a half hour._

 _Good._

Bucky glanced at the address that Maria had sent him. It was close to his apartment- only three blocks down.

When he got there, he was buzzed in and the lady at the desk stared at him suspiciously.

"I hope you're not planning to scare one of my tenants." the lady said. She was an older woman with graying hair. Younger than Bucky, but he didn't look that old.

"No, ma'am. My friend is sick and she wants me to pick up some books from her apartment." Bucky replied awkwardly. The lady brightened.

"That's so sweet. So Maria's your girl now?" she said happily. "Such a sweetheart. She brings me coffee sometimes."

"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. She's not my girl." Bucky said, shifting his weight. "We just have known each other and we've gotten through some rough times together." The old lady nodded sagely. Bucky was a little freaked out.

"Well, you take care off her. She's one in a million."

* * *

Maria's flat was a small little place, and smelled faintly of vanilla. Bucky could tell she wasn't there often- but her scent was there still. There was wall-to-wall bookshelves with numerous fiction novels. There was also a small nonfiction section, with books on World War II, the history of SHIELD, and the Howling Commandos, along with a more recent booklet of Avengers news clippings. He also spotted a picture album. He flipped it open and saw beautiful color and black and white pictures. All of them said 'Taken by Maria Hill'. There was a tiny kitchen, brightly lit and with a distinct color theme.

Bucky grabbed a bottle of vanilla out of Maria's cabinet and slipped it into the grocery bag he had brought to wrangle her things together. He snagged the Avengers clipping book, _Les Miserables_ (the non-abridged version), the Howling Commandos book, and Maria's picture book.

In the bathroom, he picked out four blue hairties. When he saw barrettes, shoved to the back of the drawer, he threw those in, too. Her soap was clearly the origin of the vanilla scent that permeated the flat. He put that in, and vanilla shampoo, too. He thoughtfully included her toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush.

In Maria's room, Bucky stopped to take in her space. There was a large bed in the center with blue sheets. In the closet hung some dresses and a suit or two, plus button-down shirts. Bucky decided to slip in a beautiful navy blue lace dress, a pale green button down shirt, and a pair of black flats. He also chose jeans, a scoop-necked navy blue shirt, a white turtleneck sweater, a gray tank top with a zebra on it, and a SHIELD shirt. He threw in a pair of gray sweatpants and a light blue sweatshirt. He put her unmentionables at the bottom.

Bucky shut the door to the flat and took at deep breath.

He headed back to the hospital, slightly embarrassed that he had just been in Maria Hill's flat.

* * *

 **I have special plans for that blue dress...**


	19. On My Own

**Thanks for all your amazing reviews yesterday! I didn't update because I was taking a day trip.**

 **The zebra tank top that Bucky brought her is actually one that Cobie Smulders wears in a picture I found on Google images. So it's real, folks. The others I made up.**

* * *

Bucky could tell that Maria didn't expect all the things he had brought her from her flat.

"You brought a dress?" Maria asked him, her eyebrows raised. "Do you think I'm in shape to go to a party, Bucky?" Bucky shrugged, slightly defiant.

"I thought that maybe when you felt better you might want to go somewhere nice to get out of the hospital. I didn't want you to have to go back to your apartment to change if you weren't fully recovered." he explained.

Maria was sitting up in her hospital bed, the grocery bag of her things spread out on her sheets. She had only coughed a couple times, but Bucky could see her wince when the movement jarred her ribs. He hated watching her knowing he couldn't do anything to help her.

"Thanks, Bucky." she said after a moment. "You've helped a lot."

"I wish I could have saved you from what he did."

"No one was prepared for Steve to throw his shield at me." Maria said, putting her hand on Bucky's arm. "It's not your fault. It's mine, for not preparing him for what was to come. I should have known that the Commander would see through our plan."

* * *

Clint was anxious about Maria. He had known her since she was a junior agent in SHIELD. He had trained beside her. He had watched her learn and grow and become the highest ranking female agent in the history of SHIELD. He had befriended her when she most needed it.

And she had been there for him when he brought Natasha back from Russia alive. She had stood by his side as he defended his actions to Fury. She was the one who introduced him to the woman who would become his wife- Laura. She had been the first to know that Clint had kids.

Clint felt like he should be there for her now, protecting her from whoever caused her such pain. She was like a little sister to him. She was young, she was mostly happy. She was how Clint imagined that his little sister would have grown up to be- strong, independent, and trustworthy. When his sister died, Maria had filled that place for him while they were both at the academy. Clint had seen her graduate and move from clearance level to clearance level- and he had been so proud.

"What's wrong with you, Clint?" Steve asked, plopping down on the couch next to the archer. "You've been moping around ever since I got back. What's eating you?" The super soldier had a goofy grin on his face.

"I dunno, what's wrong with you? You look like a clown." Clint replied.

"Nat accepted my proposal." Steve said happily. "We're getting married in six months."

"Don't you think you should wait until you're sure Maria is better? I'm sure she'd want to be there, too, and if she doesn't feel well on the wedding day..." Clint started to say, but Steve silenced him with a stuck-out hand.

"No. We're having the wedding whether Maria is better or not. She's not invited, anyway."

Clint stood up.

"Says who?" he demanded.

"Says me." Steve replied, also standing up. "I don't want her there. She's done nothing to deserve it." Clint was glaring daggers at him now.

"Maria _hasn't done anything to deserve it?"_ Clint repeated. "Where have you been these last few weeks? She was by your side the entire time, fighting to get Natasha back to you! Without her you never would have made it. There would have been no wedding. And from what she tells me, there would be no wedding guests, either!"

"She betrayed us to HYDRA!"

"That's a lie and you know it! She got hurt for _you,_ Steve! If she was with HYDRA, she would be unharmed and you and Nat would both be dead! Bucky, too! And this is how you thank her? Do you think she took those blows for HYDRA?"

"What are you talking about, Clint? She never took any blows for me!" Steve shouted.

"Then explain to me why three of her ribs are shattered!"

Steve was quiet. Then-

"I threw my shield at her." he said.

 _"What?"_

"The Commander knew we were coming. He knew that Maria wasn't the fake Maria. He said 'Well done, Hill' or something like that. I thought he meant that it was their plan all along, to bring me there, and she had turned us in to HYDRA-"

"You're the one who did that to her?" Clint asked, stunned.

"He must have been trying to convince her to join HYDRA before she escaped." Steve said, his voice filling with comprehension. "Or he was trying to get her out of the way..."

Clint saw the guilt rising in his friend's eyes.

"Oh my god, what have I done?"

* * *

Steve didn't tell Natasha where he was going. This was something he wanted to do alone... but it was going to be difficult with Maria's new guard dog sitting beside her all the time. He secretly envied Bucky and Maria. They spoke with ease to each other, and they didn't have to be concerned about the wrath of the other Avengers when they found out what he had done to Maria.

They looked so good together, Steve admitted grudgingly. Something about their height, maybe, or how they looked a little like brother and sister...

He climbed the stairs to Maria's floor so that he would have more time to think about what he was going to say. And how he was going to get rid of Bucky. Bucky didn't need to hear the apology. This was between Steve and Maria, not Steve and Bucky.

He emerged at the end of the hallway. He walked down it. To Steve it seemed like the endless hallway that was always in cartoons when the character was being sent to the principle's office. Finally he reached her door.

It said 'Maria Hill' on it. It seemed like it should be more significant than those tiny, type-written letters. It was possibly the most terrifying thing that Steve thought he would ever do. Facing the possibly wrathful Deputy Director of SHIELD was not on Steve's bucket list.

* * *

Steve stepped inside and blinked. The room looked almost nothing like a normal hospital room. It had beautiful, black-and-white pictures that Steve knew hadn't been there before. One was of Big Ben. Another was of Times Square. Yet another was a framed drawing, done by Steve years before when he thought Maria had died. He had put it in Maria's file, thinking someone might find it and remember who she was.

He guessed that Maria had pulled it out when she returned to SHIELD.

A blue dress hung in the corner, a pair of black flats placed neatly beneath it. More shirts and pants were piled next to the shoes. A thick photo album and more books were placed on Maria's side table beside her bed. There was a pile of blankets in the corner next to her bed, with a blue pillow in the middle.

"Steve." Bucky said curtly. He had a book open in his lap and it looked like they had been reading together, either out loud or each silently with their own book. Maria looked up, startled, from her own novel.

"May I speak to Maria alone, please?" Steve asked quietly. Bucky stood up.

"How I know that you won't kill her?" he demanded.

"Bucky." Maria said softly from the bed. "It's alright. I trust him. And if he really is here to kill me, I'm not afraid to die anymore." That sentence ripped Steve's heart out. Was it what he had done to her? Had the injuries hurt her so much that she _wanted_ to die?

"Scream if he hurts you." Bucky said, and glared at Steve as he got up and went out the door.

Steve took Bucky's place beside her. Maria's face was flushed and her ice-blue eyes were dulled with fever. But still she looked at him alertly, ready for whatever he was going to say to her. Her hair was damp and plastered to her forehead.

"You look terrible." Steve said awkwardly.

"Yeah, that happens when you're in the hospital. It's impossible to look as stunning as Natasha here." Maria joked. It wasn't a very good one, and they both knew it. Steve cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Clint brought me around. I realized what a jerk I've been." he said. He watched her for a reaction. Maria didn't even blink. "If there's anything I could do, to make it better-"

"Did Natasha accept your proposal?" Maria interrupted. Steve broke off, surprised. He hadn't told anyone outside of the Avengers that he was engaged. Nobody had known that his first proposal had failed, either.

"How-?"

"I guessed that that was what you were in that dark alley for. Either a proposal or a make-up afterwards." Maria said. "So it's a yes, then? There's going to be a Mrs Rogers now?" She said it with no anger or jealousy in her voice. Steve knew he hadn't been justified in saying that Maria loved him.

"I'm going to marry her, Maria." Steve said, happiness seeping into his voice. "But I won't do it if you don't want me to." Maria shifted. Steve saw her wince before she quickly wiped the pain off her face.

"Of course I want you to marry her." she scoffed. "You two were meant to be. I can't believe she said no the first time." Steve raised his eyebrows.

"It was because she thought I loved Fake Maria." he said guiltily.

"I see." Maria said stiffly. "I'm sorry, I should never have kept that from you. It was stupid of me. I should have told you. Trusted you. Just like you trusted me once, but when I didn't, I lost that trust."

"I would trust you with my life, Maria Hill."

"You do now. You thought I was with HYDRA, and I can understand that. I was blackmailed. They would have killed you if they thought you knew that Fake Maria was a fake. I didn't want to see you all die. I thought I could protect the team."

"You did. You bought us five years." Steve told her. He took her hand that was lying on the covers. He could wrap his fingers around her wrist. They were deceptively small. They looked more like the hands of a pianist than a secret government agent's. But those wrists had killed. Swiftly. Painlessly, even.

"I can never thank you enough, Maria. You helped me get Natasha back. Nothing I do will ever make up for that. And in turn, I hurt you. It was me who caused you all this pain. Say anything and I'll do it. And I am so sorry for everything that I've said to you. Nothing during that argument was true. I realize that now.

"And you were wrong when you said nobody loved you. I do. Maria, I love you. Nat loves you. The team loves you. And I know for certain that Marie-Grace will, too." Steve said feverishly. "Maria, you're part of this team. Without you, we're nothing."

"So please, let me do something for you. I need to know that you forgive me."

"I do, Steve. I forgave you a long time ago. You didn't know better." Maria said softly. Steve looked up from her hand and saw that the Deputy Director of SHIELD looked like she was going to cry. He stood up and embraced her awkwardly.

He could feel her shaking, her body pressed against his. He could hear the hitch in her breathing as she tried not to cry out loud.

"I'm so sorry." he breathed into her hair.

* * *

 **Was that apology tear-jerking enough for you guys?**


	20. To Love Another Person

**This is my second story that has reached 20 chapters.**

 **This story has gotten more reviews than No More Memories. Thank you so much, guys. This one is a little longer than No More Memories, too, so you won't have to say goodbye to this story line just yet.**

 **I do plan on making a sequel.**

 **Eat a cupcake or something to celebrate. THANK YOU! You have no idea how much your reviews mean to me!**

* * *

 _A busy amusement park. A haunted house. The ride jolted to a halt and Bucky exchanged glances with the woman sitting next to him. The cars in front of them were emptied out by the attendants. The ones behind them were, also. Bucky and Maria Hill were alone now, waiting for the ride attendant to clear them out. No one came. Bucky shoved the safety bar off and stepped out of the car, Maria close behind._

 _"Don't move, Bucky." a cold voice said. Bucky knew that voice. Steve. "Turn around. Now."_

 _Bucky turned._

 _Steve had Maria in a headlock, a gun pressed to her temple._

 _"You're going to leave here. You're never going to look for her again. You won't see her. Don't even bother trying to find her." Steve said calmly. "I want you to leave here now and don't contact the police. I'll know if you do, and then she will die."_

 _"No promises." Bucky growled._

 _The gunshot echoed in the silence of the haunted house._

 _"Bucky!"_

"Bucky! Wake up, Bucky!" Bucky was shaken roughly awake. He blinked his eyes open and realized he wasn't in the haunted house. He was lying on the floor of Maria Hill's hospital room, wrapped in blankets from head to toe. Maria was crouched beside him, her hand extended.

"It's okay, you're okay." Maria said softly. "You're in New York City. It's the year 2027. You're in my hospital room." She said all this with a quick efficiency that showed that she had been through similar situations before.

"You're not dead." Bucky croaked. "The haunted house-"

"It was a dream. Just a dream." Maria said. Bucky stared at her blankly for a moment, wondering why he felt so nervous all of a sudden. She was so close to him. He could touch her, take her hands in his, and say that he loved her.

But then she coughed, and reality came crashing down on Bucky.

"You shouldn't be out of bed. You'll hurt yourself." he said roughly. Before she could even protest he had scooped her up into his arms. She was light. Lighter than he would have thought. She wasn't extremely tall- when standing, she was a full head shorter than Bucky. But she was muscular, and Bucky had figured she would weigh at least 130 pounds.

He was wrong.

She had flinched at the sudden movement, and Bucky immediately felt guilty. He slowly placed her back on the covers and stood over her.

"Never do that again." he said. Maria eyed him icily.

"You were having a nightmare. You needed to be woken up, and there was nobody else around to do it. Stop pretending I'm the only one who's hurt. You are, too."

With her eyes flashing, her face pale, and her hair lifeless, Bucky shouldn't have thought her beautiful. But he did.

"I just can't get over the fact that he hurt you like that. My best friend, and he hurts the girl who-" Bucky broke off, realizing the path his words had taken. Maria raised her eyebrows. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"The girl who helped him save his future wife." Bucky finished lamely. Maria rolled her eyes.

"Bucky, I'm not blind." she said gently. Bucky almost choked. "I've seen the way you look at me. I know you've fallen in love with me. I know you probably think I'm the girl of your dreams, but to tell you the truth, I'm not."

"Maria-"

"I'm not the girl you're looking for." Maria repeated. "I'm sick and injured and _sterile,_ Bucky. There would be no children. No little boys and girls that you can swing on your shoulders. No kids to buy Christmas presents for. No birthdays except for ours. No sending them off to college. Nothing. You need that in your life, Bucky. You can afford the feelings that go with that. I will never be able to give you the chance to teach your boy to play baseball, or hockey, or anything.

"I'm nowhere close to being the girl of your dreams. Imagine the talk. The Winter Soldier and the ice queen of SHIELD. It's not going to happen, Bucky, and I'm sorry for that. I can't deal with a strong relationship right now. I just need time to adjust to everything-"

"Maria-"

"Look, Bucky, what I'm saying is that I'm not ready to date you. To tell you the truth, I don't think I'll ever be ready. I am Fury's deputy. I have a secret government organization to run, and there is no room for personal feelings. I can't afford to get attached. I need to be able to leave at a moment's notice, and when there's a boyfriend, it's difficult."

"Maria!" Bucky whisper-shouted. "If you're not ready, then we won't. We don't need to be a couple. At least let me be your friend. Your best guy friend. I'll be there for you, even if it's not in a romantic way. And then when you're ready, then I'll be there in that way, too. I don't care about your health issues. There's a brilliant person that I want to get to know, Maria, if you'll let me."

Maria gazed at him, her blue eyes wide and startled.

"Thanks, Bucky." she finally said. "If that's what you want. We can try to be friends."

* * *

A week later, Marie-Grace's get-better box was brought by Pepper and Tony. Marie-Grace was with Bruce and Betty at the zoo. Pepper had slipped Maria's necklace off Marie-Grace's dresser and had put it in the box.

"What's this?" Maria asked suspiciously.

"It's a glittery box." Bucky observed. "Perhaps the men should leave the room for this?" Maria whacked him with _Les Miserables._

"Thanks, Pepper."

"It's actually from Marie-Grace." Pepper said. Maria froze with one hand on the ribbon that tied the box shut. She lowered her hand.

"Perhaps I should wait, then." Maria said. Pepper shook her head.

"Marie-Grace insisted that you open it immediately. She told me to take a picture of you." Pepper explained. Maria shrugged and reached back up to undo the bow. It came undone smoothly and Maria carefully rolled the ribbon before moving on.

First there was an envelope. When Maria opened it, she scanned the words with her eyebrows getting a little higher with each line.

"I'm being asked to be one of Natasha's bridesmaids." she said, her voice doubtful. "I'm supposed to wear navy blue." Together, Maria and Bucky glanced at the blue dress hanging in the corner. Maria returned to the box's contents after a few seconds.

Next was the DVD of Frozen. Maria laughed when she held it up.

"Here's the movie I was talking about, Bucky." she said. Tony looked utterly confused. He had thought that Maria would hate it and throw it away, but she was laughing with Bucky about the choice of film. Bucky smiled. He liked seeing Maria happy.

The next thing was Maria's necklace. She fell silent when she saw it.

"Thank you, Pepper." she said. "I've been missing it."

"Marie-Grace said you can have it back." Pepper said.

"It was a gift. She can keep it." Maria told her, handing it back and folding Pepper's fingers around the necklace. Bucky had an idea from that exchanged, but his face remained motionless on the outside.

* * *

Construction on the Avengers Tower finished the following week. Tony's suits were the main reason of why it had finished so quickly. Inside, however, the walls were blank and white and the floors had no carpets.

"Are you _sure_ you want the ice queen on top of us?" Tony whined. He and Pepper were standing in the floor above theirs. "She might disturb us. A lot."

"No, I'm sure she'll be a perfectly nice person to be below, Tony. It won't kill us to have Maria and Bucky on top of us."

"Fine, fine. Just making sure that you still wanted a workaholic on this floor- no offense, Pep."

"None taken." Pepper said, exasperated. "We need to get these finished quickly. Maria's getting out of the hospital in two weeks, and she should move in then, at least."

"There's no way it's taken her a month and a couple weeks to heal after injuries like that." Tony grumbled as he fiddled with something on the computer. "It's not fair. Why does she heal so quickly? Shattered ribs? No problem."

"Maria told me that she won't be able to move quickly for at least a week or two after she gets out. She was seriously hurt, Tony. It's taken her a long time to adjust to-" Pepper stopped. It was Maria's secret to tell, not Pepper's. And she was sure that only she and Bucky and Fury knew what had been done to save Maria's life. Perhaps Maria wanted to keep it that way. "To her new injuries. On top of what happened to her arm five years ago."

"Eh, she'll be okay. She's Maria." Tony said carelessly, but Pepper could see that he really, really wanted Maria to be alright.

* * *

Natasha was a little overwhelmed by the team's response to her engagement.

Wanda had known before Natasha even opened her mouth. The Sokovian had ambushed her in the elevator. She'd surprised Natasha by telling her congratulations, and Wanda also had thanked her for the bridesmaid invitation. Natasha's mouth had dropped open. She closed it and smiled.

Maria had called. The conversation was brief and to the point. She was glad that Natasha and Steve were together, and she was grateful for the opportunity to be Natasha's bridesmaid. She also said that Steve had visited and they had reconnected.

Then Maria had told Natasha about her situation with children, and Natasha had been very understanding. The Red Room had made all of its graduates unable to have children so that there was no concerns while seducing a target. Natasha hated the fact that Maria had told her so coldly, without tears. Natasha still knew that the reality would sink in soon. Perhaps too soon. There would be one moment when the realization would bring Maria to her knees. Natasha didn't want to see it.

Bucky had sent a video with 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' from _Lion King._ He had attached a note wishing Steve and Natasha congratulations. The song was now on Natasha's phone.

When Natasha walked down to the training room one day, the targets were all displayed with feathery arrows spelling out 'Congrats to the spidey and the Capsicle, from Clint'.

Bruce and Betty had hugged them and then proceeded to bake a cake. Since they were a scientists, it turned out pretty great. It was a marbled cake with chocolate and vanilla, and two giant heads of Steve and Natasha on the icing. Natasha was pretty sure that the faces were drawn by Marie-Grace, but the thought was what counted.

Pepper and Tony had immediately given them a huge wad of money for the wedding, and they were told to do whatever they wanted with it. Natasha and Steve had tried to refuse, but the Starks insisted, so they took it.

Vision had just sincerely congratulated them and then had accessed the internet and extracted everything with the words 'wedding' on it for Steve and Natasha's use while planning the wedding.

Thor gave them a box of PopTarts and hugged them enthusiastically. Natasha was pretty sure she bruised some of her ribs.

Fury had just wrote an email with "Finally" as its subject line. The rest of the email was blank.

Coulson's team had sent them a huge bunch of flowers, with the SHIELD logo on the vase. The flowers were now in Natasha's room on her floor.

Natasha had never felt more appreciated by her team, and she had never thought that so many people had been rooting for the spy and the soldier.

* * *

 **Yesterday was my birthday, and I got the Avengers, so we watched that last night! Yay!**


	21. Wretched of the Earth

**Here's the next chapter!**

 **I have some great ideas for some Maria bonding with some other characters. I'm really excited to write them!**

* * *

Maria was exhausted. She tried not to let it show, because she knew everyone else would fawn over her. She didn't want people to be worrying about her health anymore- Steve and Natasha deserved attention.

But she felt sick, tired, and weak. Weaker than she cared to admit. And she was in pain. Her shattered ribs were a constant reminder of what she had been through and what she had lost. When Bucky would run out for errands, Maria would let her facade drop.

At the same time, Maria ached to return to SHIELD and command the base once more. She missed the constant activity of the headquarters and the steady stream of work for her to do. Now, Fury refused to let any paperwork come to her room. He was oddly protective of her now, insisting that she take one more week off. Then another. She had missed several months of work now. It had taken them a week or two to find the HYDRA base, and since she had gotten injured she had been in the hospital for a month and a couple weeks.

Maria had pushed the thought of children out of her mind. Every time the issue threatened to surface, Maria shoved it deeper and deeper. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't need to. She was never going to get married. She never even wanted children. They were a liability. It was dangerous, both for the parents and the kids. They could be taken for ransom. It wouldn't have been fair. Maria had always thought that children would never even be a possibility.

On top of that, Bucky was in love with her.

Maria had never thought that someone would fall in love with the 'ice queen' of SHIELD. She had resigned herself to the life of a single woman. That was why she had declined Bucky's declaration of love. She wasn't ready for a serious relationship.

Right now, she just wanted a guy who would keep her centered. And Bucky was willing to do that, and Maria appreciated his company. He was a sweet guy. Gentle. Nothing like the ruthless soldier she had expected.

And the fact that Maria liked being with him scared her.

* * *

The next day, Maria was discharged from the hospital. It was a week since Tony had finished her floor and Bucky's, and he had taken all of her stuff from her flat. Maria didn't really appreciate that fact- she would have liked to say goodbye to her apartment, no matter how little she was actually in there. But she was in no condition to travel halfway across Manhattan to visit an apartment. So she let it go.

Bucky insisted on putting her in a wheelchair. Her other option that he had given her was to be carried.

Maria drew the line there. She was not going to embarrass herself like that in front of Tony Stark. It wasn't going to happen.

They encountered no one on the way up to their new floors. Maria got the feeling that Pepper had warned everyone away. Maria and Bucky went into the elevator.

"Your floor first." Maria said. "I want to see it." Bucky shrugged and pushed the button labeled 'Bucky'. The elevator moved up. Maria could feel a headache building in her temples and rubbed them as discreetly as possible. Her ribs still ached, and her throat felt very, very small.

Bucky wheeled her out of the elevator once the doors opened. Maria couldn't help but be amazed at the decorations. It was perfect for Bucky- slightly modern appliances, smooth, furniture, and nice colors. The room was brightly lit.

They went down the hall, peeking in every doorway. A large white bed in one, a kitchen and dining room in another. A gym.

Maria gasped when they entered a magnificent ballroom, complete with a gorgeous chandelier and smooth marble floors. Pictures were on the wall. Maria found them oddly familiar. Some of them had the team in them, others didn't.

"Are those from my apartment?" she asked suspiciously. As soon as she said it, she knew that they were. The Tower of London. The Majestic Theater, where the team had seen _Phantom of the Opera._ Central Park. A black-and-white picture of each of the Avengers and their girlfriends, plus Marie-Grace, and then one picture Maria hadn't seen before-

"I took that." Bucky said awkwardly. "The others are yours." It was a picture of Maria, a book in hand, sitting with her back against a tree. "It was while we were looking for Nat. If you don't like it, I can take it down. Get another one."

"No, it's okay. I'm just surprised you could take it without me hearing you."

"It's a silent shutter."

"You know, I never learned to dance." Maria commented. "My father-" she stopped, and started again. "I didn't have the opportunity to learn when I was a kid. Straight from High School to the Marines. They don't teach dance there."

"I'll teach you." Bucky blurted. "Later. Not when you're so sick."

* * *

Maria's floor was after that. She found the blues soothing, and she was fond of the color. The furniture here was dark and rich, with splashes of green and blue. Maria liked it immediately. It reminded her somewhat of her apartment.

Pictures were everywhere on her floor. And they were all hers, except for some Pepper must have slipped in. The ones that weren't hers had Maria in it. Maria and Wanda at Clint's farm. Maria at Phantom of the Opera. A picture of Maria taking a picture.

"Left handed?" Bucky said, surprised.

"Yes. Natasha injured my right and I decided left handed was easier for me." Maria said. "It's been okay- I've gotten used to it." Bucky looked impressed.

They walked into the theater. The seats were dark, traditional ruby red and the projector was on an elevated platform in the back. There were racks upon racks of movies in a side room, a few of Maria's favorites displayed prominently on one of the shelves.

"Have you seen It's a Wonderful Life?" Bucky asked her as he wheeled her back outside. Maria shook her head. She was having a hard time focusing on their conversation. Her chest hurt and she could feel a coughing fit coming on.

"No." Maria said shortly. "Listen, Bucky, I'm tired. Why don't you get settled into your floor and you can come back in a couple hours?"

Bucky looked a little hurt, but he steered her to her bedroom and stood awkwardly in the door.

"Need help getting into bed, changing clothes, or anything else?" he asked. Maria shook her head. "Alright, then. Sweet dreams, Maria. Call me if you need me." Maria smiled at him and motioned for him to leave.

Once he did, she breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

Three hours later, Bucky went back up to Maria's floor to get her for dinner. He had been a little hurt by her quick dismissal. For once, Bucky thought they could have a normal conversation without worrying about her health. But now he knew that she really wasn't well at all.

She had been sick enough to dismiss him instead of fighting through.

When he arrived on Maria's floor, the elevator opened and he stepped out. It was quiet. Peaceful. Bucky could get used to the silence of the Avengers Tower. It was nice. He ghosted through all of the rooms, saving her bedroom for last.

He entered and found Maria curled up in a ball in the center of her bed, her eyes tightly closed and her chest rising and falling steadily. She was asleep. Bucky didn't want to wake her up. She looked peaceful. Sleeping was the only time that she looked calm. When she was awake now, there were creases between her eyebrows.

"Maria." he whispered. He knelt by the side of the bed. Bucky reached out and shook her. She bolted upright. When she saw it was him, she relaxed a little.

"How long did I sleep?"

"At most three hours." Bucky told her. Maria rubbed her eyes and nodded. "Do you want me to take you down for dinner?" Maria glanced at him, her brow furrowed.

"What do you mean? Wheelchair or walk? Or are my choices wheelchair or get carried?" she teased. Bucky frowned at her.

"You're not walking, Maria." he said stonily. "You're in pain right now. I don't want you to hurt yourself further by moving on your own." Maria glared at him.

"Don't treat me like a child, Bucky. I can walk." she said icily. Bucky frowned at her. "I need to start moving on my own. I've been lying around in a hospital bed for at least a month." Bucky shook his head.

"Maria, if you start moving too early, you could break something again. I don't want you end up in the hospital again, because then I would have to sleep in the corner." Bucky said, his voice softening a little bit.

"You don't have to stay with me all the time." Maria said. "I'm walking, like it or not, Bucky." She got up slowly.

She walked normally. As normally as possible, with confident strides. Bucky watched her carefully. It didn't _look_ like she had just shattered some ribs and had a surgery. But he had gotten to know Maria quite well- and she was not feeling well.

"Don't fool yourself, Maria. You're hurting." he said. Maria whirled to face him.

"I'm fine, Bucky." she snapped.

* * *

 **Sorry it took so long.**

 **I was thinking that I might make Maria's recovery and the wedding in a separate story. Long stories tend to make people not read them if they have five minutes. I know that from experience. What do you think?**

 **It was also brought to my attention that adoption would be an option, both for Steve & Nat and Maria & Bucky (if they were to get together). The reason why neither pair considered that option is for safety. Any child of Maria's, Steve's, Nat's, Bucky's, or any of the Avenger's could be used to lure them out. It could result in the death of the child, and Maria (and Nat) don't really want to take that risk. Steve and Bucky are neutral on that subject.**

 **On the other hand, I was thinking that Steve and Natasha were Marie-Grace's godparents. Good idea, or not really?**


	22. Til I am Sleeping

**Hi again. Here's the next chapter...**

 **Just so you know, there IS going to be a wedding... eventually.**

 **Also just so you know, I made up all the Congressy acts they talk about. I sadly didn't make up Congress. Kudos to "Nothing Personal" (Episode 20 of Agents of SHIELD season 1, in which Maria says "Congress is like Kindergarten.")**

* * *

Fury was swamped with work. Without Maria there, the paperwork, contracts, and mission reports stacked up on his desk and hers before he could even say "Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division." He now fully appreciated the work that his deputy did for him. Fury oversaw meetings and scared new recruits. Maria did all the legal stuff.

And since she wasn't there, Fury didn't know what to do with all the nonsense that Congress was sending him. Because apparently, Steve, Bucky, and Maria hadn't been authorized by SHIELD to invade the HYDRA base. (Which Fury knew was true). So they were supposed to be brought in for a session of Congress to be interviewed.

Half the stuff the document said didn't even make a whole lot of sense. Fury dialed Maria's cell phone.

"This is Taco Bell." a female voice said. Fury frowned.

"Um, is Maria Hill there?"

"I'm sorry, sir, we don't employ Level 9 Agents of SHIELD in our restaurant. This is the wrong number." the voice said. Then- "Maria, it's the old man." Fury groaned. Natasha.

"Romanoff, why are you picking up Maria's cell phone? Don't you have Barton to bother or Rogers to plan some hippie wedding with?" Fury grumbled. Natasha laughed.

"You wish, sir. I've got nothing to do except babysit everyone's favorite SHIELD agent. Bucky put me on duty because he apparently has to pick something up from his apartment. And since Maria is waaay to lazy, I had to get up and answer her phone."

A rustling noise, then-

"I apologize for Agent Romanoff, Director. What are you calling about?" Maria asked crisply. Fury was a little surprised. She sounded... good. Better.

"Well, I'm sitting at your desk, for starters." Fury said. "And secondly, you have a pile of work about ten feet tall for you when you come back. So don't worry about it. And third, I'm currently holding a letter from the American government. Namely Congress."

Maria swore. "I'm assuming that under the National Terrorist Act Steve, Bucky and I are being summoned to a meeting of the House and the Senate." she said. Fury's mouth almost dropped open. He remembered who he was and didn't let it.

"Ah, yes."

"Well, tell Congress that one of the Avengers was kidnapped and we were performing an extraction for a highly dangerous, wanted criminal. In most countries." Maria said. Fury heard Natasha laughing in the background. "So, under the "Dangerous Hero Act" we _were_ authorized by the American Government."

"I'll tell them that." Fury said. "Thank you, Maria. I expect you back in a week and a half. Dust off that uniform."

Then he hung up.

* * *

A week later, Steve and Natasha were walking in Central Park. The air was crisp and cool and leaves were falling off the trees. The park was awash in beautiful reds, oranges, and yellows.

"You know, I think Bucky's finally found someone special." Steve commented. "He really seems to relax when Maria's around, even though she constantly snaps at him. He hovers around her. It's quite nice to see."

"It's cute. They're both people who need a little togetherness. Maria's been living alone for so long, I'm surprised that she hasn't turned into a crazy cat lady by now." Natasha joked. "Although she probably would end up killing the cat for target practice."

"Maria's actually allergic to cats."

 _"Really?"_ Natasha said. "Maria Hill, allergic to cats. That's a surprise. What else is she allergic to? And how did you know this?"

"It's all in her file. Allergies, history, description. Dates of her promotions through the clearance levels. The date of birth. Her rank in the Marines. Where she lives. Every injury she's ever had. The date of her fake death. Her Supervising Officer."

"Somehow I cannot see Maria Hill as been allergic to cats. It would be so hilarious to see her sneezing her head off-"

"Until she died because her throat closed off. Hilarious." Steve said dryly. "Look, there's Bucky. And Maria. And they've got cameras." Steve squinted and looked closer at the two of them.

"They're taking our picture, Steve. Stop looking like you're constipated and look romantic." Natasha said without even looking in their direction. Steve immediately stopped craning his neck and tried to look suave instead.

"I feel like an idiot now." Steve whined. Natasha threw back her head and laughed.

And in the distance, she heard the faint 'click' of a shutter on a camera.

* * *

Three days later, Maria was found back at her desk, in her classified office location at the SHIELD headquarters. The pile was, as Fury had promised, about ten feet high. She had just begun working on the stack when Coulson walked in.

"Welcome back, Maria." he said. "I noticed you changed admittance to your office to Level 8's and above. Why?"

"I wanted to get all this work done as quickly as possible. I figure if someone lower than Level 8 needs to come to me, then they can contact Fury to get through." Maria said, flipping over another file.

"I came to give you this." Coulson handed her a thick envelope. "It's the new recruiting list. You're supposed to go through and assign Supervising Officers. Fury wants it tomorrow afternoon at the latest. There's a list of agents who are available."

"Thank you, Coulson." Maria said. Coulson was about to leave when he turned back around.

"Don't forget that your name is on there, too, Maria. You haven't assigned yourself a junior agent to train yet. I think you're ready. And I think May would agree with me. You've earned it." he said gently.

"Coulson, I have no tolerance for rookies. And you know that any agent trained by me is subject to ridicule by the other agents." Maria said, looking up from the paper she was looking through. "I will never subject anyone to that."

"No agent trained by you would listen to other agents criticize you. Any agent that has gotten to know you would never let that happen, Maria. The agents who make fun of you don't know what it's like to be you or to know you. Don't let anyone hold you back." Coulson replied, and the door of the office slid shut.

* * *

It was three o'clock in the morning. Maria was halfway through the stack on her desk, and she hadn't even picked up the Supervising Officer list yet. She was saving it for last.

She was half-awake. Her throat hurt. Her chest hurt. Her ribs hurt. The room spun around her and she was getting a headache again. But Maria Hill was never known for giving up. She kept turning pages, reading legal papers, and signing where her name needed to be signed.

She emailed, typed things up, changed clearance levels, updated files, and called agents for their missions.

Now it was four in the morning. Judging by the lights outside her office, all of the other agents were gone. And still she sat.

Five o'clock came and went.

At six thirty, Maria finished the ten-foot stack of paperwork. With a sigh, she pulled the Supervising Officer files closer to herself and began to read the biographies of the new agents. With the information fresh in her mind, she assigned mentors that would work well with the rookie.

She didn't assign a rookie to herself.

She was done with the file now. Maria felt the headache get stronger. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the back of the chair.

Five minutes later, she was asleep.

It was eight in the morning.

* * *

At twelve, Fury went up to Maria's office to collect the finished file. He expected most of the stack of paperwork to still be there.

When the doors slid open, he was shocked at what he saw.

The stack was on the other side of the desk, clearly finished. The Supervising Officer file was lying open on the desk, forms completed in Maria's neat, precise handwriting. And Maria was sleeping in her office chair, her hair coming loose from her bun and her arms crossed on the desk.

Fury was trained in recognizing details. And judging by the way the ink was dried on the forms, Maria had finished four hours previously. But she hadn't turned it in. Fury slid the bottom folder out from the ten-foot stack. He looked at the ink.

Completed at four o'clock the previous day. He kept flipping through. The middle most was done at twelve o'clock at night.

Comprehension dawned.

Maria had been there since four in the afternoon. She had stayed through the night to get the work done. Fury looked at his deputy.

She had never looked so vulnerable or childish before. Her face was pale, and there were dark shadows under her eyes. Her dark hair, usually tightly constrained in a bun, was falling in loose waves around her shoulders.

Fury slid the Supervising Officer file off the desk and backed out of the room, careful not to wake her.

On his way out, he changed the security settings from Level 8 and above to Avengers and Level 10 agents only.

* * *

 **:)**

 **Just a random thing, not relating to this story at all- you should totally watch the Hobbit movies.**


	23. Heart of Stone

**I'm back again...**

 **Possible spoiler alert for Mission: Impossible. The first one. But I'll try not to.**

* * *

It was the Avengers Movie night. Every other Friday they would all sit in the living room and pick a movie. This time, it was Bruce and Betty's turn to choose the film, and they had selected the first Mission: Impossible movie.

Bucky had never seen it. It looked weird. He was perfectly okay with watching it, though. Maria was sitting beside him on the couch, with her head propped up on her hand. Bucky noticed she did that quite a bit. He had seen her do it in the car while they were tracking down Natasha, and other times she had also done it.

The movie started. The whole team was enthralled. Halfway through Marie-Grace crawled up to sit between Bucky and Maria. They both shifted slightly so that there was more room. Marie-Grace hid her face in Bucky's shirt when people started to get hurt. Bucky hesitantly wrapped his arm around the little girl.

To his surprise, she didn't flinch away. That had never happened before. Bucky saw Steve smile at him from across the room and he also saw Pepper and Tony nudge each other. Bucky glanced over at Maria. She was motionless, and at first Bucky thought she was asleep. Then the light from the projector flickered in her eyes and Bucky could tell that she was awake.

When the movie ended, JARVIS turned the lights on for them.

"Good choice, guys." Pepper said. "I liked it." Marie Grace burrowed deeper into Bucky's side.

"It was scary." Marie-Grace mumbled into his side. "I didn't like it. The people were mean." Bucky restrained himself from snorting. If only she knew how mean people could get in the real world. The rest of the team looked like they didn't know what to say.

"It's bedtime, Marie-Grace." Pepper announced.

"No no no!" Marie-Grace whined. "I want to stay up with them!" Pepper gently extracted her daughter from Bucky's side. He immediately missed the warmth of the little girl. It had been nice. Kind of like the time that Maria fell asleep on his shoulder.

"No, it's late. You can play with them in the morning." Pepper said, smiling slightly.

"What time can I wake them up?" Marie-Grace asked eagerly. All of the adults exchanged glances.

"I don't know, Gracie. Why don't you ask them?" Tony said, with a smirk on his face.

"What does being woken up by Marie-Grace entail?" Bucky asked suspiciously. He didn't want to hurt her if she startled him. "Nothing involving jumping on my bed, I hope." Tony grinned evilly. Pepper frowned at her husband.

"Don't encourage her, Tony." she said reproachfully.

"No, no it's fine." Bucky said hastily. "How about at eight?" He knew he would be awake by then. But he would stay in bed if it made Marie-Grace happy to 'wake' him up. Marie-Grace nodded happily. She turned to Maria.

"Um. I have to go into SHIELD tomorrow." Maria said hesitantly.

"Oh, come on, Maria. Let your hair down once in a while." Tony said lazily. "I'll call Fury and tell him you're staying here." Maria stood up and brushed her jeans off.

"No, thanks. I have a lot of work to make up. Good night." she replied. Pepper stepped closer to Maria. "Really, I'm fine. I just want to get everything done so I can spend more time with you guys later."

Pepper put her hand up to Maria's forehead before the agent could leave.

"Maria, you're burning up! How did Fury let you in the headquarters with a fever like that?" Pepper said anxiously. Maria turned away.

"I'm fine." she repeated. "It's just a spell. Good night, everyone."

Bucky watched her leave with a frown on his face. Maria had gone to SHIELD yesterday and she had been there all morning. He hadn't even heard her come back from headquarters the night before. It worried him. And Maria looked so tired and stressed out.

* * *

Maria took the elevator up to her floor and sighed. Pepper was too motherly. Maria had thought that she could get away with having a fever without the rest of the team noticing. During the movie, Maria had pretended to watch it, but in reality she was trying not to fall asleep.

"Maria?" Maria whirled around. Bucky stood in the doorway of her bedroom. "Are you sure you're okay?" Maria swallowed and nodded. Bucky stepped closer, and Maria stiffened. Seeing this, Bucky backed away.

"Sorry. They're all trying to take care of you. They love you and they don't want you to kill yourself." Bucky told her. "You need to slow down. Fury will understand if you don't go in tomorrow. It's not like he expects you to stay at headquarters all night-"

A jolt of fear ran through Maria. So Bucky knew.

"I'm tired." Maria said. She turned around and picked up her hairbrush. She winced as she ran it through her hair. Bucky silently took it from her. Maria turned around again.

"Turn around, Maria." he said softly. Maria did, even though every instinct she had told her to flee. Her father's voice- _"Turn around, Maria."_ And what came after. Caning. Whipping. A slap. Kicks. Maria hunched her spine and her body immediately stiffened itself for a blow that never came.

Instead, the brush was running through her hair.

* * *

Bucky wasn't sure how to brush a girl's hair. He just ran it through Maria's dark waves and repeated the motion until he caught no snarls in her hair. It was fascinating, watching her dark brown locks straighten as the brush ran through it, and then spring back into soft waves when the brush was gone.

Maria turned back around. They were chest-to-chest. So close that Bucky could see the dark blue flecks in her eyes. He leaned closer.

And suddenly, they were kissing.

Her lips were soft, and she didn't kiss back. But she didn't punch him in the gut for doing it, either. She drew away after a few seconds, her hair falling into her eyes. Bucky watched her nervously.

"You'll get sick." she whispered.

"I won't. The serum I was given prevents me from catching an infection." Bucky told her. Maria ran a hand through her hair.

"I can't do this, Bucky. Get closer to you like that. If I die-"

"You are not going to die, Maria!" Bucky said forcefully. "Who said anything about you dying?" Maria stared at him, and Bucky could see the flicker of fear in her eyes. She was afraid. Of him. Bucky stepped away.

"My job is hazardous. Any day we could be attacked." Maria said.

"And my job isn't? Why aren't you willing to take any risks? We've all taken them, and yet you're afraid to kiss a guy even though you've been through so much together-"

"The few times I've taken risks, people have died!" Maria shouted. "Marine Corps. Third year. I took a risk to save an officer, and the whole building blew up, and the rest of my team died! Risk meant my father would-"

Here she stopped.

"Your father would what? Welcome you home with open arms? Like that's such a burden, Maria." Bucky said sarcastically. "People die in missions every day. You need to accept it."

"Every time I get close to someone, they end up bleeding out in my arms, Bucky. I'm not going to let that happen to you." Maria ignored his comment about her father. "Which is why I'm staying my distance. I've made enemies, Bucky. In the Marines. In SHIELD. Across the globe, people want to kill me and everyone I love."

"And you don't already love the rest of the team?"

"Bucky, the only other person I felt like this about _died!"_

* * *

 **Wow, that was SO not planned.**


	24. Color of Despair

**Sorry it's been taking so long- I had a brain fart.**

* * *

That night, Maria ordered a plane ticket to Chicago, Illinois. She couldn't handle the team's anxious questions.

And Chicago was where she grew up. Maria didn't like the thought of returning to her hometown, where all the bad memories were, but she needed the closure. She needed to visit her mother's grave and her friend from the Marine's grave. Maria also planned to visit her father.

That morning, she packed an overnight bag and silently crept out of the tower to catch her flight. She wrote a note and slipped it under Bucky's bedroom door on her way out.

* * *

Later that day, Maria walked the streets of her hometown. It was oddly familiar to her. She remembered vaguely the playground on which she would play, alone, until her father expected her to get home. She knew that park bench, where she would sit and do her homework. Maria recognized the drugstore at which she bought bandages for after her father beat her.

She knew the school, now abandoned, standing empty and forlorn beside a newer, shinier high school.

And walking down Waterfall Avenue, she knew the old, shabby house. The house where she had spent seventeen years of her life living under her father's constant shadow, ever fearful of what she would find when she got home.

The mailbox was stuffed full of mail. The grass was long and green. There were scribbles of chalk on the sidewalk in front of the house- but they weren't Maria's. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine standing at the same spot in front of the house, just a little shorter, a little younger, and more innocent. She could imagine the light in the window on the left-hand side- her bedroom. The stark white bedroom, with no childish paintings on the walls, no artwork from kindergarten. Just the blood stains on the floor as a reminder of what she was.

Maria opened her eyes. There was a car in the driveway. The same car from her childhood. It was her waking nightmare. The house. The car. The city. She felt like she had just been there. And she had, sleeping on the plane, with the horrors of her city dancing in front of her eyes, even in her sleep.

It was happening less now. But they were still there, the demons inside her head. She couldn't get rid of them. For seventeen years, it had been all she had known. Most children knew happy, pink bedrooms with numerous stuffed animals and plenty of toys. They would always have to come to terms with their adulthood when they grew up.

Maria had grown up before she turned four.

Steeling herself, Maria stepped up to the front porch and rang the doorbell. She flinched as the loud noise seemed to blare throughout the house. She heard heavy footsteps in the main hallway. The door swung open.

Maria stiffened her spine and stood like the soldier she had been taught to be.

"Father." she said.

* * *

Bucky woke up early that morning and rolled over. Something was irregular in his room. He scanned methodically, without moving, in case there was an intruder inside his room. He quickly located the white envelope on the floor in front of the door. He slid out of bed and bent over to pick it up.

 _Bucky-_

 _I'm flying to Chicago today. It's where I grew up. I'll be back in two days. The airport is the John F. Kennedy, gate 4A. 16:00._

 _Maria Hill._

Bucky was wide-awake now. Where she grew up. Maria grew up in Chicago. A city similar to New York City, he had heard. One of the larger cities in the United States. And she was going back there.

She was gone. She had already left. He knew it immediately. There was no way to find her once she was where she had grown up. It was hard to find someone who didn't want to be found.

Her father was there, in Chicago. The one who got drunk. The one who held her head underwater on her birthday.

But even so, Bucky thought that her father might be normal on the days that held no personal pain for him. On a regular weekday, wouldn't her father open her with welcome arms, like Bucky's parents had done?

What about her mother? The mother she had never spoken of? Where was she? Maybe Mrs. Hill had been the one to hug and soothe and take care of the young Maria. Perhaps she was dead now. Maybe it had happened while Maria was in the Marines.

There were secrets that Maria had buried. Bucky desperately wanted to know what her childhood had really been like. But he wasn't about to read her file. It was private, and he respected that.

 _Chicago. Maria. Mr. Hill. Mrs. Hill. The Marines._

The pieces were beginning to fall into place.

* * *

 **I kept starting things for this chapter and changing my mind. That's probably why this one is so short.**


	25. Castle on a Cloud

**Here's the next chapter.**

 **Since I'm not totally sure when this is taking place, let's say that it's the second-to-last week of September right now.**

 **I know nothing of Chicago. So all you Chicagoians, I apologize for butchering your city. :) I made up the street that Maria lives on. I made up her high school, too. And the drugstore. So don't go looking for those. And sorry for Garrett Hill's way of speech.**

 **However, the JFK airport IS real. I was in it once coming back from Africa. It's nice. Maybe I was in a gate called 4A, but I doubt it.**

* * *

Garrett Hill wasn't sure who the lady standing on his doorstep was.

 _"Father."_ she said.

"Who are you, lady? Come to arrest me? Did my useless prat of a daughter finally report me?" Garrett snarled. "Is this some kind of joke, officer?" The way she was standing told him she was someone of authority. "You callin' me father? Is that a poke at my age? Cause I'm about twice your age, and twice your size, too. You ain't takin' me in, missy. I'm stayin' right here. The government got no power over me."

The woman was silent.

"Are you mute, lady? I got no time to deal with useless lumps like you." Garrett snapped. "Either arrest me or leave right now, cause I'm a busy man." He wanted to get back to watching the news. She was interfering with his routine. And he wanted more beer.

"I've come for my things, father." she said finally. "And then I'll leave."

"What're you talkin' about? You got no stuff here. There's no one livin' here but me." _And my girlfriend._ He thought silently. But he didn't say that. "You fetchin' Maria's stuff now? She stayin' with pompous people like you now?"

"I'm getting _my_ things." the lady repeated.

"I got that the first time, lady. There's no stuff for you to get. Burnt it. Ages ago." Garrett said, watching for a reaction from the seemingly emotionless woman that was standing in front of him. Something about her unsettled him. Maybe it was her hair, or her face. Madeline's face.

The eyes. It hit him like a train. Those were his daughter's eyes.

"You related to my girl?" he asked abruptly. "You know someone related to Madeline Jackson?"

"I'm your daughter." the woman said coldly.

"No. She went to the military. Didn't want her to, she was apposed to stay with me and help me with work." Garrett protested. "She ain't comin' back. She's innit forever, and good riddance. That girl was the death of my Madeline."

"I understood that the first hundred times you told me that."

"You're not Maria."

"Like it or not, father, I am."

* * *

Maria stepped into her old bedroom. There was no evidence that it had once been her bedroom. There were cans of green paint on the floor. Piles of junk were heaped in the corners. Old books, clothes. Empty beer bottles. Spilled wine. Dirty shoes. A woman's hat. A child's baseball hat.

"Here." Garrett said roughly, and shoved an old wooden box into Maria's chest. "Your things. Burned your clothes and your papers. All that's left in here's your stuffed elephant and a picture of your mother. Some junk, too."

Maria took it silently.

"Shouldn't have come back." Garrett told her. "Still wish you hadn't been born. Then I coulda lived with your mother happily without some brat of a child stinking up the house- you shoulda stayed in the army."

"That wasn't my choice to make." Maria said.

"Don't want you back here. Stay away from this house. You're not welcome here." Garrett snarled. "You've no right to come waltzing inta my life, you here? I have no daughter. Leave, and don't ever come back."

"Your mother would been so ashamed of you." Garrett shouted at Maria's retreating back. "Abandoning your poor man just when he needed you, and comin' back when he was finally healin' from you leavin' for the army! I'm surprised that you got a job, with a record like yours! Find a nice man to settle down with, huh? Or is congratulations in order? I bet it's a girl, just as useless as you were! I hope you die just like your mother! I hope it's deformed! I hope the daddy is horrible to it when you're gone!"

Maria slammed the screen door on her way out. Her blue eyes were moist.

* * *

Bucky stood awkwardly in the John F. Kennedy Airport. It was four o'clock: Maria's plane was landing now. Everyone else stared at the tall, slightly disturbing man that was staring a little too intently at the passengers as they came out of the tunnel.

Finally, someone with a brown ponytail emerged from the chute. Bucky started forward, but the woman went over to a man wearing a dark suit and they hugged. Bucky stepped back again, disappointed.

Then he saw someone with brunette hair cascading around her shoulders, and a sky blue backpack separate herself from the crowd and start toward Bucky. He closed the distance between them. After hesitating a brief second, Bucky hugged her.

"You alright?" he asked into her hair. Maria pulled away.

"Distract me." she said. Bucky pretended not to notice the moisture in her eyes. "Tell me something about your childhood. Anything." Bucky took her backpack from her and slung it on his shoulders. They walked out of the airport and Bucky located the car he had borrowed from Tony.

"What do you want to hear?" he asked her once they were settled in the front seats. Maria propped her head up on her hand and looked at him.

"Tell me about Christmas at your house." she said. Bucky thought for a couple seconds.

"I had three siblings. We lived in Brooklyn, but it wasn't as busy as it is now. We had a nice, normal house. My parents would hang stockings for me and my siblings. They were all decorated differently with our names in them. My mother cross-stitched them herself. Mine had reindeer on it. We'd get a tree two weeks before Christmas eve. We'd pick the biggest, fattest tree on the farm. We'd put it on top of our car and we'd drive home.

"Then we'd stuff it inside the house, trim the bottom if it was too tall. Then we'd get out all the decorations and we'd put them on. My favorite was a picture of Steve and me. Steve would come over, too, and mom made Steve a stocking.

"We'd go shopping for presents a week before. We'd split up in pairs, with Steve and his dad, too. Then we'd switch so we could get presents for our previous partner. We'd get home and we'd all have our own roll of paper to wrap it, and our own ribbon. We'd pick it out ourselves. We'd wrap them all at the same time, in our rooms so that no one would see. Then at the same time, we'd all put them under the tree. Then we'd try and guess what was in the packages."

Bucky looked over at Maria.

"That sounds amazing, Bucky." she said softly.

"What was Christmas like for you?"

"My father would go and get drunk all day and then he'd come home and lock me in my room." Maria said flatly. "Then he would shout through the door at how terrible I was for taking his wife away from him so they couldn't spend Christmas together. My uncle would send a present in the mail but my father always burned it in the fireplace."

Bucky was shocked. He couldn't imagine a Christmas without stockings, presents, a tree, and carols. Or family.

"I used to walk down the street and look in the windows and see everybody else's trees and presents and imagine that I lived there, too. I would go into town and look at all the displays in the window and pretend that my father had just been in there, getting a present for me." Maria said. "My classmates would always talk about how excited they were for Christmas. I just liked the holidays because other people were so happy and grateful. They really believed in the holiday. I would listen to the Christmas mass and wish that I could believe in something like that, too."

"Maria, I-"

"I've never gotten a Christmas present." Maria said wistfully. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, to have just one gift with _my_ name on it, and be like everyone else. With a father who would come home and spin me around and a mother who would make Christmas cookies. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't a SHIELD agent, or a Marine, so I could just have the chance to be the one with the tree and the lights and the carols and all that happiness. But it's never happened. It's become my fantasy."

Bucky felt an overwhelming sense of pity for Maria Hill. And in that moment, he decided that when Christmas came, she would have her perfect Christmas.

* * *

 **I'm sorry for all you non-Christmas people. Hopefully you all tolerated that.**

 **Some of Bucky's Christmas traditions are actually my family's. My mom cross-stitched all of our stockings. Mine's got an angel on it. We've been trying to convince her to do one for our dog, but she says she doesn't have the patience to make something like that for a dog who wouldn't appreciate it. :)**


	26. Bright As Day

**Here you go, guys.**

* * *

Natasha was content with her life. She had found a partner at last, and now they were planning a wedding together. She had never thought that she'd be making choices for her own wedding, let alone marrying Steve Rogers. It had never crossed her mind until five years ago in Russia. And even after that, she and Steve had kept a steady, constant relationship, not rushing it. So even a wedding seemed distant.

Steve had proposed. And now they were getting married.

It was a dream come true.

The only dark cloud surrounding their engagement was Maria's injuries. Still she had her cough, even though it had been a couple months now. Natasha suspected that she was working herself too hard in SHIELD. Her ribs were healed, according to the doctors, but she still felt pain.

Bucky strode into her art studio looking slightly insane.

"Natasha, you've got to help me." he said. "Maria's come back from Chicago, torn to pieces about her father, and then she told me that her father was abusive and her mother was dead and her father blamed _her_ for it and she never got a Christmas present and I told her all about mine and now I'm afraid she's mad at me for-"

"Slow down, Bucky! What's this about Christmas?" Natasha said, holding out a hand. Bucky swiped a hand through his hair and exhaled.

"I picked Maria up from the airport yesterday. She told me to distract her with something from my childhood. I told her about Christmas, and then she told me that she's never celebrated Christmas. I also learned that her father abused her when she was a child. A child, Natasha!" Bucky repeated.

Natasha set down her brush. She was slightly stunned by what Bucky had said.

"She went back to Chicago because of me. It's my fault that she's so sad now." Bucky said sadly. "We went up to her room the other day because I was worried about her. We ended up fighting about... things... and then when I woke up the next morning, she was gone and she had left me a note. When she got back, she didn't say anything about what happened."

"Maria's a private person. Her father's the only person she's ever been afraid of. For her to tell you that would mean that you were a very significant person in her life. I only knew because of what's written in her file." Natasha told Bucky.

"You need to help me." Bucky said flatly.

"With what?"

"You need to help me figure out how to teach Maria to dance." he said. Natasha raised her eyebrows. Maria Hill didn't know how to dance? Where had she been for her entire life? Didn't SHIELD teach a dancing elective at the academy?

"She said she didn't take the dancing elective at the academy because the elective she took was track and field." Bucky said, reading Natasha's expression. Ah. That made sense.

* * *

"Miss Maria, Miss Maria!"

Maria woke with a jolt, a sear of pain running across her chest. There was something... large... and... bouncy. On her bed. She rubbed the crust out of her eyes and saw that the large, bouncy thing was Marie-Grace. Bouncing on her bed. More accurately, on the bed, and also Maria's stomach, where Maria's broken ribs used to be.

"Marie-Grace?" she said blearily.

"Wake up, wake up! We're going to see a movie!" Marie-Grace shouted. Maria sat up, her ribs protesting. She ignored them. "We're gonna see _Apprentice of Magic!"_

"I'm up!" Maria said, laughing slightly. She saw Pepper and Tony smiling in the doorway of her bedroom. Marie Grace slapped Maria's cheeks gently.

"Get up, get up!" the girl giggled. "It starts in an hour!" Maria pried herself out from under the youngest Stark and slid out of bed. She tugged the hairband out of her hair and let it cascade around her shoulders in gentle waves.

"I haven't even had breakfast yet, Gracie!" Maria laughed. "Slow down, alright?" Marie-Grace leaped off the bed and landed beside Maria. Pepper shooed Tony out and closed the door. Maria quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a pale blue sweatshirt, with a white shirt underneath, Marie-Grace clinging to her arm and making it difficult for her.

"Give Maria a little room, Gracie." Pepper admonished. Maria ran a brush through her hair quickly, not letting the pain stop her. The arm that had been injured by Natasha was possibly the thing that hurt least.

"Wear this!" Marie-Grace exclaimed. She put the necklace Maria had given her into the agent's hand. Maria obediently clasped it around her neck and let it hang in the hollow of her throat. It was oddly comforting to have its familiar weight back.

"Now come downstairs!" Marie-Grace ordered, pulling Maria by the hand.

Pepper gave the SHIELD agent an apologetic look before Maria was pulled into the elevator by an excited Marie-Grace.

* * *

Clearly the rest of the team had not been woken up in the same enthusiastic way that Maria had been. Most of the guys were red-eyed and yawning. Marie-Grace's excitement had rubbed off on Pepper, Tony, Maria, and Bucky, who had apparently been the other person who Marie-Grace had woken up before going to Maria's room.

"What are we doing, up at eight o'clock in the morning?" Clint grumbled. "Please tell me we're not going to see _Fashion Ponies_ or something idiotic like- I mean, something as classy as that." Clint had been forced to change adjectives by a glare from Pepper.

"We're gonna see _Apprentice of Magic!"_ Marie-Grace announced happily. "And you're all coming."

The only ones awake enough to register Marie-Grace's words were Pepper, Tony, Bucky, Maria, Betty, Jane, and Natasha. Steve, Clint, Thor, Wanda, and surprisingly, Vision and Bruce, were all too tired to respond.

"What's this movie about?" Betty asked politely, while fending off Marie-Grace, who was trying to steal the strawberries from Betty's plate.

"It's about an Apprentice of Magic." Pepper deadpanned. "A young boy who finds himself apprenticed to Merlin. He's tasked with the job of taking care of all the animals in the kingdom, so when the unicorns get a disease, he has to stop the evil villain from spreading it further."

"Sounds... fascinating." Clint said sarcastically. "I really wanted to be woken up at eight in the morning to see it."

Luckily, Marie-Grace didn't pick up on the sarcasm. She just happily stuffed her successfully stolen strawberries into her mouth, managing to simultaneously stick her tongue out at Betty, who now had fruitless waffles.

* * *

They arrived at the movie on time, surprisingly. Clint grumbled, but everyone knew he was awake. He was a father, after all. Most fathers get used to being woken up by enthusiastic children. And he was also a superhero, who was prepared to be alert at all times.

Marie-Grace elected to sit between Bucky and Maria again. She pinned Maria's arm to the armrest as soon as everyone was seated.

The rest of the theater was empty- Tony, for some strange reason, had bought all of the tickets so that they were alone. Except for the poor movie attendant who was alone in the same room with all of the Avengers, their girlfriends, and a very excited little girl. He was very gracious, though.

The movie began. At first Marie-Grace didn't appear to be afraid at all, but when the villain came up, she promptly climbed into Maria's lap and hid her face in the agent's jacket. Maria tolerated the girl's squirming for the most of the movie.

Pepper and Tony were very impressed with Maria's patience level. They had heard stories about Maria's level of patience with the new recruits, and knew that it was much, much lower than when she was with Marie-Grace.

When the unicorns started getting sick, Marie-Grace switched to Bucky's lap. Pepper knew that this made Bucky a little uncomfortable, but he, too, demonstrated an extraordinary amount of patience for a man who didn't have children.

Maria and Bucky would make extremely good parents, Pepper thought. She was enjoying her break from parenting and work, and liked watching Marie-Grace interact with the two members of the team with the least patience.

The Apprentice of Magic prevailed and won, and he married a princess. Unicorns frolicked happily at their wedding.

As they were walking out of the theater, Marie-Grace demanded a shoulder ride from Maria. When she was turned down, politely, of course, she moved onto Bucky. He immediately swung the little girl on his shoulders and they walked out.

One of the most notorious assassins in history was giving a shoulder ride to perhaps one of the luckiest little girls on the planet.

Pepper wished she had brought a camera. She hadn't.

But Maria had.

* * *

 **I thought we needed something lighter... how was it?**


	27. Do a Friend a Favor

**Yay, the next chapter!**

 **The book mentioned in the previous chapter is one I read in third grade. It's a really cool book, written by Annie Barrows and Mary-Ann Shaffer. It's good. I suggest it. It's all written in letters from one character to another, which is really cool.**

 **If you look at Cobie Smulders' height vs. Sebastian Stan's, the difference is only three inches (or 7.6 cm, if you're the rest of the world). For story purposes, Bucky is more than a full head taller than Maria. This does not mean Maria is a dwarf. It's more that Bucky is extremely tall.**

* * *

Maria sat down on her bed and took a deep breath. The box her father had given her was sitting before her, somehow managing to ooze malice and hatred. Even though it was only a box, Maria did not want to open it.

Reluctantly she flipped open the lid.

The items in there were nothing close to priceless treasure. In fact, they were quite the opposite. A tattered, stained pink elephant. A locket, with a picture of baby Maria, her mother, and her father. A old, ragged copy of a book.

The book had been Maria's favorite. Titled _The_ _Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society,_ Maria had found it for free in a bookstore. She had brought it home and read it many, many times. It was one of the only books she had owned as a child.

Even though it had been about World War II and the harsh reality of life on an island during the War, Maria had read it at age eight.

"Maria?"

It was Bucky. It was always Bucky. He hovered around her constantly, and sometimes Maria appreciated it. Right now, she wanted to be alone with her past. With nobody to see the only remains of her childhood scattered on her covers, dirty and torn.

"Come in, Bucky." she said reluctantly. Bucky entered the bedroom, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Is there anything wrong?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright." he said awkwardly. "You seemed sad." Maria raised her eyebrows. She couldn't help it. The last time they had seen each other was at the movie with Marie-Grace, and she hadn't been sad then.

"I meant when I picked you up from the airport." Bucky amended hastily. "I wanted to say... I'm sorry, about your father. I can't imagine what it would have been like." Maria smiled slightly and looked back down at her hands.

"I'm okay, Bucky." she said softly. Bucky stood there awkwardly.

"You were really good with Marie-Grace the other day." he said finally. Maria smiled, while she played with the ears of the pink elephant. "She's really starting to grow on me. I never thought I'd like the child of a Stark, but Marie-Grace seems to break tradition."

"Thanks." Maria said. "I don't have very much experience with kids. I don't know how an adult is supposed to act around children." There was an awkward silence again after that, then Bucky seemed to gather his courage for something.

"You said you wanted to learn how to dance." he said. Maria looked at him. "I'm offering to teach you. I think you're healed enough to try it, and since the wedding is in a couple months, I think you need to learn how."

* * *

Bucky never thought he'd be dancing with someone like Maria Hill. Sure, he'd gone dancing with numerous girls over the span of his lifetime, which was admittedly quite a long time. But never before had he danced with someone who felt as right as Maria did.

Their height was almost perfect. She was a little too short for Bucky's liking- then again, he was quite tall for an average man. Maria's head came to his shoulder.

At least she wasn't taller than he was.

He took her to the ballroom on his floor. He wasn't about to use the common one, because then Tony might spy on them. He hear Maria's sigh when they entered the room.

"You kept the pictures up." she commented. "I'm not that great of a photographer. Maybe you should get some better ones. More iconic." Bucky turned to face her and shook his head.

"They're the only ones I want. The others hold no personal value to me. I won't hang a stranger's picture up in this room." he said. "Some of the most important people to me are hanging up in this room. The only exception is my family. And they're dead, so, no pictures."

"It must be so hard for you. Separated from the life you knew. Tossed into this one, which has so much hate. So much malice. How do you bear it?" Maria asked. Bucky shrugged.

"I have friends. Steve's here, at least. And the team." But it was really Maria that made him want to stay alive and experience the modern world. It was her. She was the one that grounded him now. Before he had just been staying for Steve.

"I'm glad you have people you can count on." Maria said. Bucky gave her a thin smile.

"The basics of dancing are simple. No steps. You just feel the rhythm and let your feet carry you." Bucky said. "Loose yourself in the music. Don't try and fight it." Maria nodded. He could feel her ocean-blue eyes on him as he paced.

"The waltz is very similar to that. It's a one-two-three step, back and forth. The man leads, and the woman follows. It's repeated over and over." Bucky took her wrist in his and placed it on his waist. "We clasp hands, and with the other we hold each other's arms, like this."

He did so. "Now, dance."

The soldier in her made her obey immediately. At first, they were out of sync, but then eventually it clicked and they stepped lightly around the room. "You can add flairs to the dance. Spin out." he said. Maria complied. "Spin back."

She twirled into his arms so that their arms were twisted together and her back was at his chest. "Let go of my arm. Now, twirl. In place."

Maria did so, and without instruction she took his arm again.

"Dancing is ice skating, but without the danger of being cut by skates or getting snow all over yourself." Bucky told her as they kept dancing around the room. "The lift." He could feel Maria's arm tense, but he ignored it.

"Put your arms on my shoulders." Maria did so, letting go of Bucky's arms. "I'm going to put my hands on your waist."

He looked into her face to make sure she was alright. She nodded. Bucky saw that she was fine, so he moved his arms to her waist. It was thin but muscular.

"A light jump. One, two, three."

Maria jumped, and at the same time, Bucky lifted, so that he held her above his head. "Let go of my shoulders now."

After a brief hesitation, Maria complied. Bucky spun the two of them around in circles.

Maria flung out her arms and finally smiled. Bucky grinned too.

Maria and Bucky spun with smiles on their faces and with Maria held triumphantly over Bucky's head. Bucky felt relieved and full of peace. He set Maria down and they continued their dancing lesson.

What they didn't know was that Steve was standing in the doorway, watching, his eyes sparkling and a happy smile on his face. His two friends were content, and Steve's fears about Maria were finally put to rest.

* * *

 **So... what did you think?**

 **I loved the idea of Maria and Bucky dancing, and I can picture the lift, but I don't know if I did it enough justice.**


	28. Wash Away the Past

**The next chapter.**

 **In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Madripool rests on the back of a giant dragon and is does not have nuclear weapon test and launching sites. I'm ignoring that. Sorry, Marvel.**

* * *

 _"Hill, what are your readings?"_

 _"Sergeant O'Byrne is down. I repeat, Sergeant O'Byrne is down."_

 _"They've got Andrews."_

 _"Sergeant Neil, do you copy?"_

 _"Neil's dead."_

 _"Jefferson, sweep the perimeter. Scan for any possible ways in."_

 _"This is Jefferson to- *STATIC*"_

 _"Orders, Lieutenant Hill?"_

 _"We're going in. Retrieve Andrews on your way out. I'll set the bombs."_

 _"Lieutenant, the radiation will spread out. There will be no safe distance."_

 _"What's the evacuation plan?"_

 _"This is Colonel Grant, at the Marine base. You're on your own. It's too dangerous for us to fly planes in there. Get as far as you can before it goes under."_

 _"Colonel Grant, we're moving in now. This is Hill and Baker."_

 _"We copy that, Lieutenant. Good luck. Stay alive."_

 _"Baker's dead."_

* * *

Maria sat up with a jolt, her body coated in sweat and her heart pounding. She took in the wood walls, the wide, sweeping canopy above her, and the soft sheets that she was tangled in.

"You are not in Madripoor." Maria told herself sternly. "You are in the Avengers Tower."

The horror of the place never left her. It was still there, lurking in the back of her mind, like all the other missions where people had been killed because of her. Maria's team was dead. O'Byrne. Neil. Jefferson. Baker. Andrews. All because she had failed to lead them, and sent them into a situation with no evacuation plan and no information. It was her fault they were dead. Why had she taken the job?

She put her head in her hands and tried to block out the images flashing across her vision. Baker, his neck snapped back by the force of a sniper's bullet. O'Byrne, her body charred and burnt beyond recognition from a laser trap. Neil, exploded by a grenade. Jefferson, killed by a machine gun's bullets.

Andrews, who Maria had extracted from his prison only to have him die from a stab wound in her arms, only a meter away from the radius of the explosion. Andrews, who had been the only soldier that understood her. The only person Maria had ever thought loved her until she met Coulson and May.

Sometimes she could still see their blood on her hands.

Maria slid out of bed and checked the clock. Two in the morning. She wrapped a blanket around herself and stepped onto the balcony that adjoined her room. The wind whistled by her face and she sat with her back to the outer wall of the tower, looking to the city.

 _"She's still alive!"_

 _"Coulson, get medical. She's got a bullet wound to the leg and a lot of blood loss-"_

 _"Tell the General we've found his Madripool team."_

 _"What does SHIELD stand for, Hill?"  
_

 _"What does that mean to you?"_

 _"Useless lump, I shoulda never let this happen."_

 _"Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division."_

 _"You killed my son."_

 _"You're the reason she's dead. Why should I keep ya? Give me a reason why I shouldn't shoot you now!"_

 _"Welcome to level seven, Agent Hill."_

 _"Maria, meet Melinda May, your S.O."_

 _"Coulson's down."_

 _"Lieutenant Hill, you and your team has been assigned to level a nuclear test facility that plans to nuke Washington, D.C. at 11:00 hours. You have three hours to do so. If you fail, your ranks will be stripped and your names erased from Marine history."_

 _"You're the girl who backstabs their friends, Maria."_

 _"You never understood anything about love."_

 _"Ice princess."_

 _"Welcome to level 9, Commander Hill."_

 _"I would trust you with my life, Maria Hill."_

 _"Lieutenant Hill was the only remaining member of her team. She infiltrated the high security base alone with almost no intel. Her actions a week ago have landed her a place in Marine history as one of the greatest Lieutenants to give their service to the United States."_

Maria pressed her hands to her temples and rubbed them. The voices swam inside her head, constantly reminding her of the mess her life was. After Madripool, Coulson had approached her about an organization called SHIELD.

She hadn't known then how one bad thing could lead to the next.

But she also hadn't know that SHIELD would lead to meeting the Avengers and meeting Bucky. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and closed her eyes as one tear, then another ran down her face. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

* * *

Bucky woke up that morning to a torrential downpour.

"Master Barnes, you might want to collect Miss Hill from her balcony." JARVIS said after Bucky had put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Bucky frowned. Maria was outside? In this weather?

He pressed the button for the elevator and got onto it.

When he came to Maria's floor, the lights were out. It appeared that she hadn't gotten up yet, but JARVIS had said she was on the balcony. Bucky ducked his head into every room, checking for her. She wasn't in the office area, the living room area, the kitchen, or the theater, and the darkroom was empty, too. That left her bedroom.

Bucky was reluctant to go in there. That must be where the door to the balcony was, he reasoned. He pushed the door open and peered inside.

The covers were tangled together and it looked like a blanket had been stripped off the bed. He could see a figure on the balcony. He bypassed the rest of the room and stepped through the glass door.

The balcony was shaped like a trapezoid, and Maria was in the corner, huddled underneath a pale blue blanket. She was drenched, and Bucky was starting to get wet, too. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be sleeping.

Bucky understood. Most people who had served in the military could sleep in the worst weather.

"Maria." Bucky said. He crouched down and shook her shoulder. Maria eyes shot open. "It's raining. Come inside before you catch a cold." He extended a hand for her and she accepted it. He pulled her up. They went back inside.

"Why were you out there?"

"I got buried under my past, and the room was suffocating." Maria said simply.

"That's happened to me before."

There they stood, dripping wet, Maria's hair flat against her head and Bucky's shirt splattered with raindrops. The blanket was beginning to get the carpet in Maria's room wet.

"Thank you for waking me up." Maria said. "And thanks for the dancing lesson, too. I had fun." Bucky smiled at her. Thunder clapped outside and Maria patted him on the back before going into her bathroom to hang the blanket up.

"Let's go downstairs before Stark thinks that you've kidnapped me." Maria said. She held out her hand. Bucky stared at it and then took it after a brief hesitation.

They went downstairs together, holding on to each other like they were the last two people on earth.

* * *

 **I made up all of Maria's Marine friends. The italics are all mine- none are actually real. They're just snippets from Maria's life.**


	29. My Place is Here

**Here's the next chapter.**

 **Anything related to Maria's Madripool mission is entirely made up by me.**

 **Since this takes place in 2027, I decided that Maria would be born ten years later than she is in the comic books. If I hadn't done that, Maria would be 40 years old. This way she's 30 something instead. I'm not going to change her file in Chapter 4, but just keep in mind that she's born ten years later than she is in all the other things.**

* * *

Natasha sat with Steve on a bench in Central Park. The fall leaves were turning brown now, and it was almost October.

"I've decided I want the wedding near Christmas." Steve told her. "I think it's a good time of year and it's one of the happiest. It seems right that one of the happiest days of my life will be near the holidays."

"Are you sure? People might get overwhelmed with the wedding and the holidays. There might be less attendance."

"How many people are you planning on attending?" Steve exclaimed.

"Not many. The agents Fitz, Simmons, Simone, Skye, May, and Coulson. Maria and Bucky. Tony, Pepper, and Marie-Grace. Bruce and Betty, Thor and Jane, Wanda, Vision. Clint, Laura, Cooper, Lila, and Nate. Fury." Natasha rattled off. "But Clint has family commitments. Plus, there's only so much holiday spirit Maria handles a year."

"Why?"

"It's commonly known in SHIELD. Around Christmas she gets even more like 'Agent Chill' than she usually is. She hates the decorations, and she doesn't tolerate anything that screams 'holidays'." Natasha explained. "I think it's her knee-jerk reaction to..."

Natasha stopped herself. Steve didn't know much about Maria's abusive childhood. He didn't need to know, and if he did, he would freak out even more than Bucky had. Then Maria would get _really_ on edge about the season.

"To always being alone at Christmas." Natasha lied.

"Maybe the wedding would change that." Steve said. "I won't let her spend another holiday holed up in her apartment... now that she's in the Avengers Tower, it's going to be harder for her to hide from celebrating."

Natasha almost scoffed.

"A Christmas time wedding _does_ seem like a nice, old-fashioned idea. Just right for an old-"

Steve reached over and started tickling her. She slapped him away, but not before she let out a giggle. "You were saying, Miss Romanoff?"

"An old fashioned guy like you." she finished.

"That's what I thought." Steve said, his eyes glittering mischievously.

* * *

Bucky was looking for Maria. He stepped inside her bedroom. It was empty.

There was a picture frame on Maria's bed, with three photos in it. Bucky gently picked it up.

One of the pictures was of a beautiful dark haired woman, hugging a smiling blond man. Maria's parents. They looked so happy, Bucky thought. Maria had clearly gotten her piercing blue eyes from her mother. The woman's stomach had a trace of a bulge, and the man's hand was lying protectively over it. He flipped the frame over. _Madeline and Garrett, November 1991._

Another picture was a professionally taken photo of a little dark haired girl hugging someone who was clearly related to Maria's mother. He had features similar to Madeline Hill, but he had dark eyes instead of Maria's mother's blue. He flipped the frame over again. _Maria and Uncle Matt, March 17, 1996._

The final picture was six people, all in Marine uniform. Maria was in the center, the most decorated of the group. They all were smiling brightly and there was a sense of friendship that Bucky had had with the Howling Commandos. They were standing in front of a huge plane, an American flag flying in the distance. _Marine Squadron 294: Lieutenant Maria C. Hill, Sergeant Major Katelyn J. O'Byrne, First Sergeant Sebastian G. Andrews, Sergeant William F. Neil, Sergeant Christopher N. Baker, Sergeant Caleb A. Jefferson; commissioned 1 April 2011, Madripool._

So that was Maria's Marine group. The ones that died. Bucky thought they all looked like soldiers he might have fought next to when he enlisted in the army.

"Enjoying yourself?" a voice asked. Bucky spun around. Tony was leaning in the doorway, a tool spinning in his fingers. "Never thought you'd be the snooping type, Barnes."

"I was looking for Maria." Bucky said lamely.

"She's at SHIELD. Sounded like she was inspecting the new rookies today." Tony said. "I wish I could have gone to see her scare those little buggers out of their minds." Bucky raised his eyebrows.

"Why are you here, Stark?"

"I was going to tell you that Steve and Natasha told me to tell you that you need to get your butt down to Nat's floor." Tony said. "Then I caught you looking through Maria's drawers-"

"It's on her bed, I wasn't pawing through her stuff-"

"Anyway. They want you. Something about watching a movie."

* * *

Maria had just finished cutting some of the recruits. One boy still sat there, his head in his hands.

"Are you alright, agent?" she asked, sitting down next to him.

He sniffed. "I'll be okay."

"What's your name?"

"My name is Grayson Andrews." he said. "Commander." Maria looked at him. He was well built, with handsome features and a determined expression, and steel blue eyes. He looked like the Andrews that Maria had trained with in the Marines.

"Why are you disappointed, Andrews?" she asked, looking out toward the main hub.

"I wanted to honor my father by joining SHIELD. Serve my country. The Marines turned me down, same with the Army, Navy, and Coast Guard." Andrews said. "And now I feel like I failed him. I've got nowhere else to go."

"Why did they turn you down?" Maria asked crisply.

"They didn't like the fact that I'm allergic to most of the pain meds that they would give me in the field. And I had asthma." Andrews replied. "I know it makes sense, but it's just... I wanted to be like my dad."

"How is your asthma now, Andrews?"

"It's better- if I have an inhaler, then I'm okay for everything."

Maria stood up.

"Welcome to SHIELD, Agent Andrews." she said. She was about to leave, and then Grayson Andrews stood up.

"When my father died in service, the letter they wrote said that a Lieutenant Hill rescued him from enemy clutches, but he died later from wounds. If I'm right, Commander, two generations of my family owe you a debt now. My loyalty is with you."

Maria stopped in her tracks, shock rippling across her face. She fixed her face in a mask and turned around.

"If you're truly loyal to me, you'll report to your S.O. immediately. Agent Carter is waiting."

* * *

 **Sorry it took a little time. I deleted that last section. Maria was going to fire whiskey bottles of people's heads and make recruits sing 'Love is an Open Door', but I decided she would never do that.**


	30. The Hour is Late

**Thank you guys so much for your support. As always, shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod and IceDynamiteDragonflyStars have been a great inspiration to me and I thank both of them for their endless encouragement and positive reviews. I can always count on them to review chapters, and I hope that they continue to enjoy this story.**

 **I had an idea for a story, and I'm thinking this story arc will be put on hold after this story is over. I thought that a Maria origin story would be very interesting. What do you guys think? It would start in the Marines, and go through the SHIELD academy up until Age of Ultron, probably. That's where No More Memories picks up.**

 **Once school starts, the updates might be less frequent. I'm involved in a musical this fall, and practices are two-to-three hours long. Don't worry- I'll still finish the story. :)**

 **Does anybody know why there's the 50 Document rule, and why they expire after 90 days of no editing? I backed up all of my No More Memories stuff in case I wanted to go back and change things, but... it's weird.**

* * *

Grayson Andrews never expected to meet his father's savior until he joined SHIELD. He thought that the Lieutenant Hill that had saved his father had died later, perhaps during another Marine mission. But then he saw the leader board in the Operations common room, with 'Cadet M. Hill' in the top three for almost every record.

He had gone to his room to find the letter announcing his father's death. And there the words were: 'Was rescued from the line of fire by Lieutenant Hill, only to die of several wounds later in the hospital wards.'

Grayson had put two and two together and hoped for the chance to meet the now Deputy Director of SHIELD, just to see if she was his father's savior.

She hadn't given him any clues. Agent Hill had just said 'Report to Agent Carter'.

 _The_ Agent Carter. Peggy Carter's niece, Sharon Carter. Agent 13. Grayson thought it was a mistake that he was assigned to one of the most powerful Agents in SHIELD, while he had originally been cut from the ranks.

"Thinking about something, Andrews?" Carter asked. They were standing in the training room, and she was showing him how to use the equipment. "You look like you're not paying attention." Grayson shook his head.

"I was just confused."

"About what?" Carter asked, tilting her head curiously.

"Why I'm here, and something about Commander Hill." Grayson admitted. "She was... nice. After all those rumors about the 'ice queen', she talks to me like I'm a normal human being. And when I ask her about saving my father, she just says to report to you."

Carter stopped showing him how to clean a bow and arrow and set it down.

"You asked Agent Hill about the Marines?" she said, her eyebrows raised. "And you emerged unscathed? That's a first, for her and for the agent that asked."

"I just told her that I thought she was the Marine that saved my dad from a nuclear test site." Grayson said, a little nervous. "Was that something that I shouldn't have said, or-?"

"Hill's past as a Marine is highly classified and she hasn't told many people about what went on down there. It was a horrific experience, I've heard, and she doesn't like to talk about it. I don't know if she's the person you're looking for, but it sounds like you caught her off guard."

 _Agent Hill, off guard?_

"I just want to know if she's the one that I need to thank. Even though my dad still died, the Marine that got him out of the site could have blown the place with him in it. But they didn't, and I'm grateful and I know my father would be, too."

"And if Agent Hill really did save my dad, I owe her a lot and I want to do the best to give her happiness."

* * *

Commander Hill had always struck Grayson as a lone wolf. She was independent, fierce, and trusted almost no one. She was Fury's beta. But Grayson had also seen Hill's softer side when she approached him after he was cut from SHIELD. What he had seen there was the open, honest, and determined Agent Hill that very few agents had seen.

He passed her numerous times in headquarters, and she gave almost no indication that she even knew him.

"Commander Hill."

"Agent Andrews."

That was all.

Grayson needed to know if she was the one he was looking for. If he was the Lieutenant Hill that his father had written to his mother about. The one that kept him sane, the one that grounded him, and let him rise to his best in the Marines.

If Hill was the right Lieutenant that Grayson was looking for, both he and his father owed her. They owed the fact that they were serving their country.

Agent Carter sent him to Hill one day with a report on a mission. Grayson was nervous. He wanted to confront her.

"Andrews." Hill said curtly. Grayson couldn't help but notice the shadows under the Commander's eyes, and how her famously blue eyes were a little duller than he had seen before. It was a week after she had admitted him to SHIELD.

"Agent Carter says to have a good day, ma'am." Grayson said awkwardly. Hill took the file from him and gave a faint smile.

"Thank you, Agent Andrews."

"I wanted to thank you, Commander. You believed in me when nobody else would, and then you gave me Agent Carter. It's a privilege I don't deserve." Grayson said. Hill's gaze jumped from Carter's report to Grayson's face.

"Is this about your father, Andrews?"

Grayson was startled. "Yes, ma'am."

Hill leaned forward, elbows on her desk. "I was in the Marines from 2010 to 2013. The first mission we were sent on as a full squadron was located in Madripool. I was the highest ranking Marine in that group. We got there and the compound was waiting for us, exactly where our team had planned to attack. Someone in SHIELD betrayed us. Your father was captured, along with Sergeant Neil. One by one they were all killed. I went in to plant the bombs, and I was looking for your father and Neil. I found Neil dead in a hallway, and your father was being interrogated by a man in a dark suit. I got him out, blew the compound, and then activated the tracker for the Marines to find us."

"SHIELD came instead. Your father was already dead by the time they arrived." Hill steeled herself for something. "Andrews, I'm not proud of why I went in after your father."

"Why not?"

"I was in love with him. I thought he was single and turns out he had you. He never told me. We never kissed, and he probably thought we were just friends. I looked up to him. He was a role model for me that I never had."

Grayson took a second to absorb the fact that SHIELD's Deputy Director was telling him that she loved his father. "Um, well, that's okay. I mean, if you didn't kiss him or sleep with him, I'm okay with that. If it was just friends, um, yeah. It's cool." he said awkwardly.

"Andrews, I'm sorry that I wasn't quicker." Hill said, her blue eyes boring into Grayson's.

"You saved him from being tortured and then burned alive. I should be thanking you." Grayson said flatly. "I don't care that you were in love with him. You saved his life. That's all that matters to me."

Hill turned away.

"Thank you for saving my father, Commander Hill. Thank you for saving me." Grayson said simply. "From what I hear, you stopped a nuke from coming on Washington D.C."

"You're welcome, and you're dismissed, Andrews." Hill said, not unkindly. Grayson nodded even though her back was turned and left.

* * *

 **I had trouble coming up with ideas, I hope this is okay!**


	31. Years Ago

**Sorry for the delay...**

* * *

Maria leaned against the railing of the Tower's main balcony, her head throbbing from the stress of her day's work at SHIELD. Fury had asked her to attend the new recruit initiation ceremony the next day, and then Andrews' son had come to her office. It had been awkward for her, and she knew that opening up to Andrews' son would cause so many more problems. But the young recruit needed to know.

"Maria?"

Maria turned, already knowing who it was. Bucky was standing there, a glass of water in hand. He joined her at the railing.

"How was SHIELD today?" he asked, sipping from the cup. Maria sighed.

"It was the usual. Fury badgering me about who-knows-what, recruits with starstruck eyes, and a boatload of reports from Sharon Carter's extraction team." Maria rattled off. Bucky frowned slightly at the mention of Peggy's niece.

"I wanted to know... what's it like, the SHIELD academy?" Bucky asked nervously. Maria glanced at him.

"It's basically like a boot camp, but inside and you also take strategy, disguise, and a class called 'expanding your repertoire'. You have your own dorm room. I was in the Peggy Carter dorm, Clint was in the Howard Stark dorm." she said.

"They named the dorms after Peggy and Howard?"

"Yes, and the agents that aren't on duty elsewhere live in the Captain America dorm." Maria told him. "Howard and Peggy helped to create SHIELD. We owe them a lot, same as you and Steve. Everything comes full circle."

"That's... cool. Is there a Maria Hill dorm yet?"

Maria frowned at him. "No, there isn't. There's a Phil Coulson dorm. I don't deserve a dorm to be named after me. I haven't done as much as Coulson has." Bucky shook his head slowly.

"You're the Deputy Director- Coulson isn't. There's a reason for that."

"Yes, because I follow orders and don't question them." Maria said, slightly bitterly. "Not because I'm more talented than he is. Fury didn't give me a Bus." Bucky looked confused, and Maria smiled a little bit.

"SHIELD slang for an airplane. Coulson got this really nice plane to take down bad guys, basically. I'm stuck with diva agents that don't know how to write a report to save their life." Maria explained. "I don't have a problem with it- I do like going in the field occasionally, but someone has to manage the paperwork. Fury doesn't do much of his own paperwork, and I do that for him. He just works out curriculum at the academy."

"The academy sounds kind of fun." Bucky admitted.

"Well, if you go to the Science Division, you need a PhD just to get in." Maria said. "Not so much fun over there."

"I don't have a PhD." Bucky said. "I'd much rather go to the..."

"It's the Operations Division, Bucky." Maria said. "It's cool. You learn to fight better, use all kinds of different weapons, and you learn to talk in different accents, too." Bucky grinned at that.

"Can you do a British accent?"

* * *

Steve watched Maria and Bucky chatting on the balcony. They looked happy together. Like he and Natasha did sometimes. And they were well matched, too, with Maria being shorter than Bucky. He always thought that the guy should be taller than the girl.

"I sent out the wedding invitations." Natasha announced. "They should be arriving via mail for most of them. Fury, Coulson, Simmons, Fitz, Skye and May are getting theirs dropped in their mail slots by Maria tomorrow."

"That's great, Nat." Steve said, shifting so that he was facing her.

"Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?" Natasha asked casually. Steve frowned at her. She didn't normally ask him to sleep with her.

"Sure." he said finally. Natasha looked relieved.

That night, he slid under the covers next to Natasha and wrapped his arms around her. She shivered slightly.

"What's wrong, Nat?"

"I've been getting nightmares." she said softly. "I don't want to hurt anything. When you're here, I don't have them."

Steve was glad of that.

"Sleep, Natasha. Nothing will hurt you here." he told her.

When he was sure she was sleeping, he leaned over and whispered three words in her ear. She stirred slightly but her eyes remained closed. Steve smiled and tucked his hand under his head and went to sleep, too, beside his future wife.

* * *

 **I had trouble with this chapter- I'm running out of ideas.**


	32. Blackout

**Sorry for the delay! I was just trying to come up with a good idea! Thanks for your patience. My school starts Monday :(**

* * *

 _A tall figure loomed over another, smaller person in an alleyway. He was about to kick the body when Bucky stepped in. He seized the person around the neck and punched him in the face._

 _"Pick on someone your own size." he growled. The man scurried away, a terrified look on his face. Bucky held out a hand to the person on the ground. "You alright, Steve?"_

 _"You didn't have to do that."_

 _"He was beating you up! What else was I supposed to do?"  
_

* * *

Bucky went downstairs to kitchen to make toast that morning. Clint was leaning against the counter, a deep frown on his face.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked nervously. "Is everyone alright?"

"Maria dragged you home from your night out last night." Clint said coldly. "She's got a purple bruise on her cheek. Care to explain it to me, Barnes?"

Bucky was startled. "You think I would hurt her like that? Last night was fine. We went out for dinner and walked home. I blacked out, I guess. It happens sometimes." he said. It was the truth, but Clint looked doubtful.

"She didn't have it when you left. If you hurt a hair on her head, I swear you'll wish you never came here." he said seriously. "Maria's like my little sister. I care about what happens to her, alright? And if it wasn't you, then it happened on your watch. I hate watching her fall to pieces because some jerk beats her up. She called me last night."

"It wasn't me." Bucky insisted. "I don't ever remember hitting her, and I would remember it if anyone else hit her, too."

Clint stood up.

"I know it was you, Barnes. Stay away from Maria. I mean it." he snarled. "I'm not going to stand by and let someone hurt her like her father hurt her. I won't allow some guy like you to unravel her and make her feel like dirt again."

"I would never hurt her."

"If it wasn't you, then who was it? She was at SHIELD the whole day. She came home and you asked her out for dinner. It's that simple, Barnes. I don't care if you were drunk, I don't care if it was some flashback of yours, or a blackout, or whatever. It hurts her. I'm not going to let it happen again."

"I won't, either. I never did anything to hurt her." Bucky said. He didn't understand why Clint was suddenly all over him. Normally the archer was very civil and kind to Bucky, and now it was like they were rivals in a fighting ring or something.

"I knew Maria in the academy, Barnes. She wouldn't take any crap from any of the other high-and-mighty cadets there. The only person who she would let down her guard down for is you. And that's why I know it was you." Clint said coldly. "I won't let you be alone with her. It's over, Barnes."

"I didn't hit her, I swear!"

"You blacked out. You admitted it. You could have had some sort of trigger, and thought she was your enemy. She probably tried to restrain you, to stop you from hurting anyone else. You probably punched or slapped her. She dragged you home."

"Even if I did do it, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Stay away from her." Clint replied, stepping closer. "She's like a sister to me and I _will not_ tolerate any violence from you. You will treat her like a friend, nothing more. You will never be alone with her again, do you hear me? And you will apologize. You will stop having feelings for her and you will find someone else, for all I care."

"You can't just tell me to step away from her. I'm in love with her!"

"You're not the only person who cares about Maria! I let you date her, thinking it would be good for both of you, and then she falls apart because your flashback made her remember everything her father's done to her. You hurt her, more than she will admit. And now that you've hurt her, you've lost your chance." Clint said forcefully. "If you really loved her, then you would never have lost control like that around her. It's dangerous for her, it's dangerous for you."

"It's not my fault that I was triggered!"

"Then fight it!" Clint snarled. "Maria was able to overcome her fear of the bow and arrow. If she can do that, you can walk past an alleyway without punching her in the face!"

"How did you know that?"

"She told me, after she put you to bed. She came up to my floor and basically fell apart. She hasn't done that since the academy, and I will not let her feel that way about herself any more." Clint growled. "I'm sick of people hurting her, tearing her apart just when she starts to open up to people like you."

"Would it make you feel better if I apologized?" Bucky shouted. "I can't help it that I want to protect my friends! That's what the flashback was about- protecting Steve from someone who was about to hurt him, or kill him!"

"You'll apologize to her and then you'll get yourself someone else."

* * *

Clint was full of anger. How dare Barnes hurt Maria like that? Clint had trusted the man with the girl who was like his little sister, and then Barnes betrayed his trust. He never should have let Maria go out with Barnes alone. The last time Maria had fell apart like she had the night before was back at the academy when the recruits were getting drunk and shouting. They were throwing things around and a flailing limb had struck her.

All of it combined had triggered a deep memory, and she had managed to hold herself together until she got back to the dorm. She had called Clint, and then he had come over and held her until the shaking stopped. She had been so vulnerable then, and it was because of other people's stupidity.

Clint hated Barnes. Maria didn't deserve all that hurt. She hadn't even gone to SHIELD today- instead she had stayed on her floor, doing who-knows what.

Barnes had denied ever hurting her, but the size of the bruise on Maria's cheek had told Clint that it was Bucky that had struck her.

He wanted Barnes to leave. He wouldn't let Maria be hurt like that again.

* * *

 **I feel like that didn't make very much sense, but I hope you guys were okay with it.**


	33. One Chapter More

**School has started, so I probably won't update as much now.**

* * *

Maria gripped the railing tightly, so hard that her knuckles turned white. The wind whistled through her hair and undid her bun.

Last night's events flashed through her mind relentlessly, her brain refusing to let go of the wounds that had opened again when Bucky had struck her.

* * *

 _Maria bent over a homeless person slumped in an alleyway. Bucky stood a slight distance behind her. Maria met the homeless man's eyes as she unfolded a hundred dollar bill from her wallet. His eyes went wide as she handed it too him._

 _"I know what it's like." she said. She reached out to shake the man's hand, not caring how dirty he was. She knew the feeling of being treated like trash. She wasn't going to be the one that would treat this man like he was someone's garbage._

 _Something hard clamped down on her waist, shoving her against the hard brick wall of the alleyway. Maria's eyes took in Bucky's dark, menacing gaze. Immediately she knew what was going on, but the metal arm was gripping her body so hard that she thought her ribs might re-break._

 _"Pick on someone your own size." Bucky growled._

 _Maria knew it was coming. She knew by his tense body language and his angry tone that there was most certainly a hit coming. She had had too much experience with her father to ignore the threat of physical harm._

 _But there was no way out._

 _So she took the hit._

 _When she recovered, she dragged Bucky back down to the Avengers tower and threw him onto his bed._

 _Maria immediately went to speak to Clint. To let it all out. To feel his comforting presence beside her as her mind relived the first eighteen years of her life, strike by strike, until it was morning and Clint left. And then Maria had brushed makeup on her cheek and left her hair tie on the dresser, her hair falling in front of her face to shield the bruise._

 _She had become too much of an expert at concealing what she so desperately wanted to hide._

* * *

"Maria?" It was Bucky. Maria whipped around quicker than she had intended. "I'm so, so sorry that I hit you. I didn't know what I was thinking and I hope you aren't seriously hurt. I want you to know that I'll always be there for you and I'll never do that again."

"It's alright. I'm fine." Maria said.

"Maria, I wanted to ask you... would you like to be my girlfriend?" Bucky stammered. Maria's heart stopped. She had never in her life been asked that before, and somehow she had never thought anyone ever would, either.

"I... of course, Bucky."

* * *

 **I realize the ending was rushed and I'm sorry the wedding scene wasn't there, but I want to move on to other story ideas and I hope I didn't disappoint you guys. Feel free to continue it or add onto it if you want, but I want to let this story go. I worked on it all summer and I had a lot of fun doing it, and you have no idea how much your reviews meant to me.**

 **~rohanyoshi**


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